TMNT aren't mine- but this headache is.

Bargain

"Awww! C'mon, Leo!"

"Mikey, go away."

"But I need-"

"Mikey, I said no."

Michelangelo jiggled from one foot to the other, absently wringing his hands.

"I'll give you my first editions 'Silver Sentry' comic! It's worth several hundred dollars!"

"What would I do with a first edition comic that I can't sell?"

"April could sell it for you! C'mon, whadda ya say?"

"I say 'NO', Mikey."

Mikey paced back and forth in front of his brother. Then his face lit up.

"I know! I'll clean your room for a month!"

"Considering that my room is the neatest one here next to Master Splinter's, that hardly seems like much of a bargain."

Mikey bit his lip, worry creasing his brow into almost permanent frown wrinkles.

"I'll do your chores- for- three months! AND I'll take your turn scrubbing the toilet for, um, six months!"

Leo looked thoughtful.

"Keep talking."

"Eeep!" Mikey inadvertantly squeeked, looking over his shoulder. A sound was coming from far away- a sound of something that was unidentifiable at the moment, but growing steadily. "And I'll cook you your favorite meal once a week!"

"And?"

"And? And? And... SERVE it to you personally! I don't even do that for Splinter!"

"Hmmmm... I don't know..."

"LEO! PLEASE! Three months of your chores, six months of scrubbing the toilet in your stead, once a week specially cooked meals served by yours truly-"

"Wearing a maid's apron and little hat," Leo added.

"Wearing a- wha?" his voice went up several notches.

The sound was increasing- getting closer and closer- whatever was in the tunnels, it was about to enter their new, vast home. Sweat stood out on Mikey's face, and he began to shake physically.

"Bro, that is so harsh," he hesitated.

"Well, in that case-" Leo shrugged, about to close his bedroom door- but Mikey stopped him.

"Agreed! I'll get April to get me something. ANYTHING!"

"Oh, and you have to give me your 'Black Eyed Peas' CD- I'm tired of your playing that one song at all hours," Leo, arms crossed, insisted.

"But I just GOT the CD! I haven't had a chance to hear the rest of it!"

"Because all you keep playing is 'My Humps'."

This was too much- this was asking too much of the desperate turtle- this was-

"WHERE IS HE?"

"How long?" Mikey asked.

"A month."

"Deal!"

"Deal. Go inside."

Mikey disappeared into Leo's room, and Leo closed the door.

Raph, breathing fire and trailing anger in his wake, was suddenly upon him.

"Where IS he? WHERE is MIKEY? I'm gonna so KILL HIM!"

"Calm down, Raph," Leo soothed, placing a hand on his brother that was immediately knocked away.

"LEO! You CAN'T protect him, NOT this time! Do you know what he did? Do you?" Raph pleaded, torn between his all-consuming anger at his youngest brother and his need to convince his oldest that this must be done!

"I'm sorry, Raph, but I can't let you touch him," Leo said sympathetically.

"But LOOK!"

And Raph held out his motorcycle helmet- artistically decorated with pretty ponies, rainbows, and hearts.

"And that's just the helmet!" he fumed. "You should see my BIKE! WHERE is HE? Is he hidin' in your room? COME OUTTA THERE, YA COWARD! I'LL KICK YOUR-"

"He's not there, Raph," Leo replied. "He's not even in the lair. And I'm not going to tell you where he is until you've calmed down."

"I'm NEVER gonna calm down! I'll kill him!"

"Come on, Raph," Leo said, trying not to smile. "Go and calm down."

"HOW?"

Leo thought about it. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips.

"How about taking a ride on your bike? That usually calms you down..."

Leo barely dodged the blow, but dodge it he did. Then Raph stormed off through the Lair, bellowing Mikey's name at the top of his voice.

"Remember, Mikey- all my chores for three months, six months of toilet duty, my favorite meal every week- in the cute outfit- and the CD," Leo said, as Raph continued on his quest to kill his brother. "Oh, and if I were you, I wouldn't come out of there for a bit."

"Ummm... do I REALLY gotta give up the CD?" came the muffled whine.

Leo considered.

"No," he replied. Then "Hey, Raph!"

"OKAYOKAYOKAY!" Mikey surrendered. "Jeeze, talk about brotherly love."

"Oh, and today is my day to scrub the toilet- once Raph leaves the lair, get busy."

"Awwww..."