Heh, anotherfic from me, since myfics seem to just scream "OMFG I"M ON CRACK!" in such a delightful way. This is just going to be a series of fics, mostly inspired by stupid random events that I relate to KuroxFai in some way or another.

This one is from Kuro's POV OMG!

Numero Uno, woot: Stories

I was having present dreams you know, nice, clean, nice dreams. The kinds that maybe lambs have. Though lambs are one of those things I don't think about unless I'm this tired or severely drunk. I just don't do white and fluffy and cute. I was actually getting a good night's rest too, which I was sure I would need because my days seemed to be playing husband to Fai, who ordered me around on a daily basis doing needingless things that only served to amuse him. That mage isn't in the shared bedroom sleeping away and hopefully not dreaming of lambs, all I can hear is the "tik tik tik" of those strange keys he was always banging on in this new world. What the hell could be that much fun! I jammed the pillow over my head, god knows if anything is going to drown out that noise. Of course it doesn't, and Fai's occasional giggles and gasps aren't helping.

Whatever he is doing in no way can amuse him that much.

I start trying to occupy myself with other things, like meditation and stuff like that, not that I was ever very good at it, especially with the damn ticking. So I try and clear my thoughts.

Then there's that damn lamb again.

I throw the sheets off the bed and tear open the door to see Fai, sitting in front of a screen with the key-thingy in his lap, dressed in only an oversized shirt and a pair of fuzzy slippers,

Which of course, are lambs,

He looks so god damn innocent,

" What is it Kuro-chi?"

He says it in that voice that goes" Oh look at me, I'm cute and innocent AND I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WOMAN and I make Kuro horney as hell." I hate that voice the most. I can;t help but peer over his shoulder at the screen, which seems to be copying the letters that Fai's pounding on the board. Something like that,

" Um, Kuro-tan?"

Fai tries again to get my attention, and I decide to answer,

" What's this?"

I say, poking the screen,

" It's a computer!"

Fai jumps up after saying that all-too-enthusiastically and hugs the computer tightly.

" you should see all the neat things you can do with it!"

Fai holds up the board to me, and I push it away. This seemed like some kind of evil magic or something. Fai just decides to do everything for me like I'm some kind of child and uses some strange device to move a figure on the screen to touch something,

" What the hell?"

I jump back after the screen flashes and the entire picture, or words, or whatever was on there suddenly changed.

" I'm writing something."

Fai said, smiling and pounding down on a few more buttons,

' It's about our WONDERFUL relationship and all the love and kisses and happy happy days we have together. But with extra extra fluffy fluffiness."

I would of killed him if I wasn't so tired and if killing him meant I never got to do all those horribly naughty things to him I fantasize about against my will.

" That's stupid. Why would you want other people to know? That's kind of a private thing."

Fai had better not be using my name in there or he's dead. Fai looks back over his shoulder at me and gives me that mysterious smile,

" You want me to read some of it to you?"

I shuddered, not good. Knowing Fai, this could be anything. Fai starts reading off what he had been writing all night long. It was okay for a while,

" Then the totally awesome-super amazing beautiful Fai, um, got some eggs, and milk, and some milky ways at the store, because they didn't have many left. Kuro-chi eats a lot."

Who in their right mind would have the time to read something like this? Then Fai started to get into the middle of the story,

" So Fai got kissed-ed by Kurogane, who kind of tastes like vegetables all burnt and some fish. That's okay because Kuro makes Fai happy. Kuro makes Fai want to eat a whole bowl of ice-cream real fast."

Hopefully this is not how Fai thinks, because then I have to feel bad for him. Or maybe he just can't write without stuffing it full of Fai-brand cuteness. Fai continued on like that, each word being said in some sugary-sweet way that was starting to make me sick. Then all of a sudden it shifted, went in some totally new direction as Fai started to read off some scene he had written that was incredibly erotic. I never had sex with him how does he know all this? And how the hell can he explain it in such detail? I'd be okay with it if the people he was writing lemons about weren't him and me! Fai reads this all as cheerily as ever, only stopping once to look back at me, giving me the rarely seen "Please fuck me" look before returning his attention to reading off the story. Fai finishes it, an anti-climatic ending that doesn't really serve to complete it. No matter how much I thought the story resembled the writing of a 10 year old on drugs I did kind of like it, I mean Fai had wrote it and at least he was thinking of me...well, except in that last part, I think he was thinking too much about me.

" So there you have it, I want to call it Strawberry Butter."

What the hell is Strawberry Butter?

What the hell does that have anything to do with what he just wrote?

" You didn't end it, where's the ending?"

Truly, it had kind of disappointed me, as much as I didn't seem to care. Fai just smiled and latched himself unto me,

" That's for us to do, right now Kuro and Fai have established that they love each other, they made love, and then they had ice-cream. Now for round two."

" Of the love making?"

" No! More ice-cream! Get me some ice-cream! Please, Kuro-chi?"

" Fuck that, sex scene instead."

I slung Fai over my shoulder and kicked the box that was connected to the screen thing, which made it die. Fai whined but mostly laughed,

" But that's not the way I wanna write it!"

" Too bad, we write our story together."

" Aww, Kuro-wan, that was sweet."

" As long as you explain that Strawberry butter thing I'll take you easy."

" Like I'd believe you'd do that."

" Your catching on."

And so like so many other nights that's how it ended. Giving into lustful desires after a random conversation about something meaningless. Lambs and Strawberry Butter included.

ther ya' go, it's doney-done! I'll write more, these are all based on stupid events that I randomly think up in the middle of the night.

Review, because I have mothing else to look forward to right now slumps over at desk