38. Alone at night
There were nights she laid awake and wondered how things could have been. It wasn't to say she was unhappy with her life. She had married her childhood best friend, finished college, gotten a great job. These were all things she was quite proud of. Still there were times she would think back on the day she made the choice to come back to earth.
Her feelings had been torn between two men, one she had known all her life, the other she barely knew at all. Yet part of her wanted to stay with him, to learn the ways of his heart and finally understand this person so different from any other she had known. She wanted to stay, wanted to take the chance on the unknown and the promise of adventure. On that last day, the way he looked at her, she could see that he wanted her to stay too.
He never asked her to stay nor did he ever comment on her decision to leave, But that day she just knew he wanted her to stay behind. If she had he would have called her a fool for giving up the wondrous life her people offered her. She would have gotten a long speech all about the hardships and dangers of his world and how someone like her could never survive alone. How she was now a burden on him because of that foolishness. Then of course he would have stood by her and kept all those hardships and dangers as far away as he could. Maybe he never would have told her he was glad she stayed, but she would have known, just by the look in his eyes, or the way he touched her hand, that he was grateful.
But when reason steps in to argue with a heart so unsure reason usually wins out. She had chosen the safety Fayt offered her. There was so much comfort in knowing that you were choosing the path set for you. It was the natural thing to do. It was what everyone had always expected. She had followed the path that had been set for her long before the tragic events that led to the battle with the creator.
The path she walked now was smooth and straight. She faced no hardships because there were none. She needed no protection because danger was too far away to hurt her. Laying awake in the dark of her room was the only real torment she knew. It was then as the shadows played on the wall that her mind would drift and allow her to reconsider her choice.
What if she had stayed? What if she had slipped from this comforting path of the mundane and started walking one of twists and turns? One where there was danger but equal excitement, one where a rough hand and a gruff voice would lead her past those dangers. One where love brought comfort, not the other way around.
She would never know where that path would lead. It was gone to her now, she could never go back.
Somehow as she closed her eyes and succumbed to the darkness, she felt both comfort and disappointment.
You could never go back.
Sorry for the lack of updates. Also sorry I could not come up with a fluff fic. I have lost a bit of my will to write but all the Alphias that have been written lately have really got me going. Thanks Keeki, Mistress-reebi, and Dragon Chyld for writing and inspiring me.
I am working on a chapter for Moments in time so hopefully that will be out soon till than keep writing!