chapter 4: Yet to Learn

I awoke this morning feeling strangly rejuvinated, and stronger than before. I never had a dream like that in my life...where he actually knew what was going on, and that I actually replied to him. It was so weird. But as strange as it seems, he repeats those damn lines if his at the end of my dream. It has never changed in that manner, but it still had it's origin, meaning it was the same as usual. He actually said, "Be mine always..." it was strange in so many ways. It was strange, as I have said a million times before, that he actually made me feel special.

Laura called this morning, our conversation was continuing from yesterday. She constantly said that going back would actually be good for me. Ha! What a phile of shit, sorry for the language. "Arielle, it's going to be fun. Why won't you just reason with me? You always have to make it so hard." "Because Laura, I am in no mood to go back there!" She had this strange habit of cursing under her breath, and I couldn't hep but be amused by her sheer stupidity. She knew all to well, that when I said no, I meant it, yet she would not drop the subject what so ever. "Please...This could be an experience for us as friends." "Oh yea? Why do you think that?" I said mockingly. She made a strange growling noise, making me laugh histarically. "What?" "You made a funny sound! I will tell you tonight at 5 P.M. tops if I will agree to go with you. I am feeling very generious today." "Thank God for the timing. Alright I'll be there, and you better promise." "I promise."

I was painting near my window, the sun glarring down on me, making me feel warm and comfortable. It was all colorful, the painting. The bright oranges, reds, pinks, blues, and purples. It was just an absract of sorts, you know, crazy and out there. I couldn't help but feel, something darker in me that wanted to do something more...something that I was not used to paint. But I still brushed eligantly across the canvass, the dark thought lingering in my mind. I heard the doorbell ring, knowing that Laura would help herself into my home. "How come you didn't come to the door?" "As you can see I am painting, and you usually help yourself to my house." She blushed, knowing that I had seen through her. "Damn that's good. What are you going to do with the other canvass?" She pointed to the single untouched canvass. "I don't know yet, but I have an idea." I couldn't help it, but I liked that idea that I had earlier, and for a strange reason I was actually going to do it. I was finally finished with this bright abstract one, and I grabbed the other.

My brush strokes were more detailed, more refined. I used black, mainly dark colors. Laura's mouth was hanging open in awe, but I didn't know why. What was so special about my single painting? "Ariella...how are you doing that?" "It's just coming to me. You know, insperation." "Insperation of what?" I shrugged my shoulders, I didn't know why, well actually I did, but I wasn't exactly going to tell her. "You might want to close your mouth. You can catch flies like that." "Haha, very funny." Of course I was done, and she came over to it, just staring at it. I doubt that she was actually thinking with that brain of hers, sometimes I was amazed at how she got through high school. "What?" "It's really dark. It's a castle right?" "Yea so?" "Since when do you draw castles." Honestly I didn't know that I was drawing that! It was so much more beautiful that what I did. It looked like someone else did it. It looked familiar, somehow, and yet...

"So have you decided?" She broke the silence that I so enjoyed. "Maybe..." "Arielle! You promised!" "I know already! God damn it, you don't have to repeat it like I'm deaf or something." She looked away from me, which I was glad of, because I couldn't stand her. "Fine I'll go with you, but like I said before anything I say goes." "YEAH! We finally get to go somewhere new." "Not really..." "Must you ruin the moment?" "Sorry just saying it's not all that new, to me really since I've been there." "Ohhhhhh." I looked at her very sternly. "Alright I'll go. I don't want to anger you further."

I sat on my couch, near the window also. It was such a peaceful evening. I looked at my painting, I didn't seem to recognize it. It wasn't my own, yet I knew it was. After so many years of trying to figure out so many things...I have yet to learn.