Chapter 2: It's Only Billy
Sidney Prescott stared at her computer screen, typing: Single. Beautiful. Easy. She smiled at her handiwork, and immediately submitted it to the singles site. "I'm so cool," she whispered, staring around at her bedroom; painted black with white streaks everywhere from when her father had tried to repaint it, it was a sight for sore eyes, but it was her safe-haven, and in her own little world, it was beautiful.
Suddenly, there was a loud sound from behind her, "Ooh. How scary," she remarked in a whisper, as she turned to face her bedroom window that overlooked the gang violence of east LA, "Get out of the way, you white bitch!" a voice screamed from below, and Sidney narrowly dodged a bullet as it grazed past her ear, "Who's there?" she called, standing up, and approaching the window, deciding to investigate even if she was shot in the head, and killed, "Bobby, is that you. In search of a fiftieth rendezvous?" she asked, peering outside, "Or is it Fred?" No answer, "Jordan? JT?"
"No. It's only me. It's only… Billy."
"Gasp. How sinister," she whispered, and her boyfriend's face appeared outside the window. She stared at him, and smiled at his hotness; he was missing his front set of teeth- replaced by new, sparkling gold ones, while he had scars across his face from his constant knife fights with the clown who lived across the street from him. She couldn't deny it; she had bagged the hottest guy in all of California- no. The hottest guy in the whole God-damned world.
"What are you doing here, Billy?" Sidney demanded, "I told you that I would be," she hesitated, "busy tonight. You know. To pay for your birthday present- it costs fifty cents. That's a lot of money."
"What the-? Wait a sec. You sleep in that?" Billy demanded, deciding to forget his girlfriend's sluttiness as he pulled himself in through the window.
"Be quiet, you skag," she hissed, "My dad's in the other room."
She pointed to the curtain that divided the small shack that she lived in into two; her father's shadow could be seen on the other side.
"I'll only stay for a few days…"
"Sid… You dead yet?" her father hollered from the other side of the curtain.
"No… Just wait for it!" Sidney screamed, as Billy ducked out of sight under the covers of her bed.
The curtain was torn open in a rush, and Sidney's father rushed into his daughter's "bedroom" quick as hell, and immediately spotted the lump under the sheets, "What's that?" he demanded.
"Uhh… You're imagining things!" she shrieked.
"Oh. Never mind then," he shrugged his shoulders, "Now, you know that I'll be gone for a couple of days with that hooker I met fifteen minutes ago… right?"
"What? You mean Tatum? My best friend, Tatum!"
"Oh. Okay then. Just don't be too much of a perv."
She laughed at the lie, "I sure hope you get run over, you ugly girl, you," and her father left the room, closing the curtain behind him.
"Whew," Billy breathed, uncovering himself, "Your dad's pretty gullible, Sid."
"Tell me about it- now, what are you doing here?"
"It just occurred to me that I've never snuck through your bedroom window at eight twenty three…"
"Yeah, you did. Last night, actually… When I was supposed to be with- never mind. You were saying…?"
"Well, I was at home, all zoned out with the munchies, and watching THE EXORCIST II: HERETIC on TV, and it got me thinking of you."
"Oh, it did?" she asked, and then with dawning comprehension, "Wait a sec. That movie is crap. That's the worst sequel ever!"
"I know. Like you're the worst girlfriend ever. You won't put out for me, but you've been impregnated by every single other guy in town- even my dad."
"So what? I'm not a virgin. Big whoop. I'll still wear white to our wedding."
"Wedding? Ugh… I gotta go."
And with that, he stood up, and bolted out of the room, and out of the window, "Call me!" Sidney screamed, just as her first client of the evening sauntered in through the window.
That morning, Sidney ran off to school, and found a reporter reporting some crime, "Do you believe this stuff?" Sidney's friend, Tatum Riley suddenly demanded, appearing beside her.
"You mean that reporter…? I can't believe she claims that those are real!" she pointed to the woman's breasts; the size of small melons.
"Well, they are," Tatum insisted, "Just like mine," she pointed to her own, the size of small grapes, "I mean last night… Your dad was a no-show. Maybe he decided to go out with my Mom's sister's cousin's uncle's half-sister's brother's girlfriend's sister's daughter's neighbor- twice removed," Tatum panted.
"Maybe," Sidney replied, "But what about this reporter with the huge-?"
"You didn't hear?"
"Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh- what happened?" Sidney asked, nearly slipping into a comatose state.
"Oh God!" Tatum screamed, suddenly frightened, and slapping Sidney across the back to prevent her from having an aneurism as well, "You don't know? Well, that figures because you're such a slut," Sidney nodded understandingly, "Well, anyway, they found Casey Becker's body last night- and her boyfriend, Steve- and that slut, Pam Mackey."
"Ooh!" Sidney screamed, "I hated that slut. Was Casey…?"
"Murdered? No. Her brain like blew up- and, it got the authorities thinking… Someone tried to kill her- and she died… He's playing mind tricks to kill stupid people, and that means…" she drifted off, obviously too frightened to speak.
"It means they could be targeting any one of us… I'm frightened, Tatum. They have to stop this sicko!"
"Like, so, totally, yeah! And the police peoples are so stupid and clueless… They're asking everyone if they had something to do with Casey's death."
"Well, it wasn't me!" Sidney suddenly screamed, crazily, "I didn't do it! I swear! SWEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" she shook her fist, angrily, and Tatum backed away from her, frightened by her first outburst of the day.
"Whoa, Sid. Calmness, please. Don't forget your medication," Tatum suddenly struggled with a capsule the size of a small rocket, and handed it to Sidney.
"Oh, yeah," with difficulty, Sidney swallowed it, and nearly choked to death.
"Dewey said this is the worst crime they've ever seen… Even worse than when your ugly slut-mother was murdered by that guy- I mean, can you blame him? She was the ugliest crack-ho there ever was!"
"Hey," Sidney hissed, through gritted teeth, "She didn't deal crack, Tatum. My mom was a total marijuana and coke dealer."
"Oh, yeah… Sorry about that, Sid."
And without another word said, the two rushed off to their class.