A/N: SuperDope, if you're reading this, THIS IS FOR YOU! If you don't know why, read the review I gave you for Jimmy and the Amazing Cloneasaurus. If that's not enough of a reason to dedicate a fic to you, then it's because you review almost all my fics on all my updates, and you give me idea's for my fics. You rock my socks, girl!
Meant to be a slight humour, not a mockery. Not quite sure how it turned out, though, seeing as it's barely any dialogue and mostly action.
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE OUTSIDERS. GET IT YET?
One day, Two-Bit was drunk. Wait, one day? Every day, Two-Bit was drunk, but this one day he got a spectacular idea in his head, even more spectacular than the time he had nailed his ear to a table! Wow, this idea was the idea of the century!
"Muzzer, you do too mush for me," he slurred to his mother, who was sound asleep in her bedroom. She didn't move. "Zo today," he went on as though he had got a response, "I'm doing something for you. Don't go anywhere!" he told her, as if she had made a protest about needing to leave instantly.
He ran downstairs, (well, actually fell headfirst down the stairs), and went into the kitchen, looking for something he could do for his mother. He tried to think of the things they had done for their mothers for Mothers Day in school, but all his memories were clouded by big red "F"'s in circles, (well, actually, it could have just been caused by him being drunk), but anyways, he couldn't remember anything from his school days that could help him now. He was pondering what to do about this, when he was struck with a brilliant idea that he knew he would love if he was receiving it: Beer! Then, he remembered, amazingly, that his mother was a Bar Maid so she might not like that very much, so he went with his second best idea; Breakfast in Bed, despite the fact that it was 3:30 in the afternoon.
Taking the last swig of beer out of his bottle, he decided to go looking around the kitchen, where he wondered how on earth anyone went about making food. There was something he knew was called a stove, a fridge, and beer, but other than that, this was foreign territory. He might as well have been in Japan looking for a place to eat Pizza without artichokes. Hell, he didn't even know how to use the stove, but he was willing to give it his best shot. He might even be a nice child and dare to use the kettle.
First, since his mother always used the kettle for something or another, he put water in it and put it on the stove, not realizing that he had to turn it on for it to heat up. Boy, this was hard work! Pulling a beer out of the fridge, he cracked it open and took a swig. There, now maybe this whole cooking deal would be a bit more manageable.
Opening the fridge, the fist thing Two-Bit saw was eggs, and what better to have for breakfast than eggs? Everyone loves eggs…
Grabbing three eggs, and crushing two in his hand, he put them on the counter and reached into the sink to grab a frying pan, not knowing that it was in the sink to be washed because the bottom was full of old milk they had given the cat the night before. He then threw the egg into the pan, spraying everything with yolk and shell. He then left it to cook, without turning the stove on.
He then sat down at the table with his beer, and waited… 5 minutes… 10 minutes… Fearing his mother might get up soon and he would not have fulfilled his promise, he took the eggs off the stove, even though he thought they looked the exact same as when he had put them on. Then he realized he had put the kettle on so he could make her whatever it was she used it for every morning! Not knowing what to do with the water, and too lazy to get a cup, he poured the water into the frying pan with the eggs. Then, realizing that he was also too lazy to get a plate, he took the whole mixture of egg white, egg yolk, egg shell and cold water up the stairs to his mother.
Only a little bit remained when he made it to the top of the steps, the rest had been slopped down his front. When he went into his mothers bedroom, she was still sleeping, so he decided, not thinking, to put it into her stomach so that she would see it when she woke up. Too bad that when he went to put it down, he tripped over her bed slippers, and the whole mixture fell onto his mothers face.
The last thing that was heard before Two-Bit passed out on the floor from a mix of being drunk and the complete shock of hearing some yelling was "TWO-BIT I'M VEGAN!"
When Two-Bit woke up the next day, he would have no recollection of the event.
A/N: That… was funnier in my head.