A/N: Yay! lucky people that you are! You get a new chapter! Finally... Well this was not written by me... obviously noted b/c of how freaking long this chapter happens to be. I will write a long chpater I swear... (ha!) R&R plz!
Chapter 4: 'Navi Kicks Rear' a.k.a. 'The Wonders of Magical Hat Repair'
Link made a sound something like "Gleep!" and instantly dove out of the way…right behind Chewie. Unfortunately, the large animal-like person was not planning on staying in that rather open spot just so Link could have a hiding place. He let out another gargling roar and leapt against the wall, firing his blaster wildly at the approaching storm troopers. The storm troopers, quickly recovering from the chance discovery of our heroes, began returning fire in mass array. Link yelped as a stray shot bounced off the floor next to him, leaving an acrid-smelling burn mark. "They have weapons that SHOOT FIRE?!" he yelled, trying to scramble out of the way. "What crazy world did we LAND on?!"
If Han hadn't been so preoccupied with shooting at the storm troopers and searching for another way out of the crowded hallway, he would have done more than just shoot Link a very odd look at that statement.
One of the storm troopers at the back shoved his way to the front of the pack, and you could almost see the insane gleam in his eyes through the black helmet shielding as he laughed maniacally. Two very abnormally large blasters were in each hand. "Finally!" he crowed over the zapping sounds as his companions pointedly ignored him. "We finally get some ACTION! HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!" He then proceeded to spray the entire hallway with laser fire while laughing maniacally, forcing Han and Chewie to hide behind the protrusion in the wall so as to not get hit. Link was cowering in a corner, and Navi had flitted up to the ceiling.
Since their rather psychotic friend was doing such a wonderful job blowing up the hallway, the other storm troopers backed up to watch. One of them glanced at his neighbor and did a loopy sign around his ear with one finger, to which his friend nodded and sighed. "Maybe this will finally convince the generals to hire some therapists for Marty," he commented dryly.
Another of the troopers glanced up and spotted the floating ball of light near the ceiling. "Hey, cool!" he cried excitedly. "A Blue Glowing Zantian Butterfly! I have no idea how it got on the Death Star, but that will be PERFECT for my bug collection!"
This was the last straw for the fairy healer, who by this time was feeling very underappreciated as it was. "Oh that is IT!" she screeched. Flitting over the ground-aimed laser fire, she zoomed down to Link's hiding spot and jabbed him in the backside. He flinched and cowered lower. "Link!" she screeched even louder. "Get in there and hit those stupid morons with your sword!"
"But I CAN'T!" he wailed, pulling the rim of his hat over his eyes. "There's a crazy psycho out there shooting beam-y fire, and he almost fried me, and I don't have the slightest clue what is going on and I WANNA GO HOME!" He sounded very much like he was going to burst into tears.
Navi rolled her eyes in intense exasperation and immediately ascertained that her 'warrior' companion had been reduced to a pitiful useless blob of Hyrulian meat. Also, the 2 weird tall people were obviously pinned down and didn't even HAVE swords, as far as she could tell. Still seething with rage, she zipped back up to the ceiling, flew towards the crowd of relaxing storm troopers, and dropped down so that she was floating right in front of the trigger-happy storm trooper. He paused in surprise, and she could just make out his eyes crossing through the tinted eye covering to focus on her small form. "You want some action, Bubba? I'll GIVE you some action!" Then she punched him solidly in the face, sending him flying against the far wall.
Everything stopped. Han, Chewbacca, Link, and the remaining storm troopers all stared in complete stunned shock at the angry glowing fairy. Taking advantage of their surprise, she flitted forward until she was in front of the storm trooper who had spoken earlier. Her face got very close to his visor, and she growled in a low tone, "NOBODY calls me a BUG!" She then jerked off his helmet, revealing the face of a guy with black hair, and punched him in the nose. There was a sparkle of light, and the trooper began sneezing violently until he was forced to drop his blaster and rub his nose. He stumbled backwards into one of his companions, causing a chain reaction that sent several of them tumbling onto the floor. Then pandemonium ensued as the enraged fairy attacked.
After about 30 seconds of being barraged by the tiny fairy from every direction, the remaining storm troopers panicked, running around in circles and banging into each other while trying to avoid the sharp stinging welts they were receiving.
"Get it offa me!"
"OW! My eye! The pain, the PAIN!"
"Let's get out of here!"
The disheveled and broken troop dropped their weapons and went racing down the hall, screaming about psychotic insects and crazed space aliens. One of them ran with a limp, another was stumbling along in a dazed zigzag pattern, and the one without a helmet couldn't stop sneezing. The storm troopers spun around a corner and were gone, the sound of violent sneezing fading into the distance.
Navi only pursued them a short ways, yelling in her loudest pipsqueak voice, "Yeah, you BETTER run, you stupid crab-headed excuses for villains! FEAR THE FAIRY!"
Then she turned to look at her companions. Link was staring at her, his brain about to explode from this recent turn of events. 'Since when has she been able to do THAT?!' he thought wildly. 'The fear…the horrible, horrible fear…" He quickly resolved using several different oaths to never tick Navi off or call her a bug EVER AGAIN. "Uh…" he stammered uncertainly. "Um…nice…uh…going, Navi."
Navi sniffed primly. "And let that be a lesson to you the next time you decide to call me useless, Elf Boy!" Link nodded vigorously, his eyes still wide with astonishment and fear.
Han and Chewie had reappeared from out behind their hiding places and were staring at Navi and Link even more strangely than they had been before the fight started. Han approached cautiously, eyeing the fairy warily. "Well," he said slowly, obviously confused, "I don't know where you fairies came from, but at least you're effective against storm troopers."
Link bristled. "I'm not a fairy, I'm a Hyrulian, darnit!" he said indignantly.
Han shrugged. "Okay, sorry. Anyways, at least those bozos are gone and we can get back to work."
While Han and Chewie continued doing whatever they had been doing with the door's number pad, muttering something about a mission and finding some dude named Luke, Link wandered around the battle ground. He bent over and picked up one of the black fire-shooting things, inspecting it with interest. "This is a weird weapon," he stated curiously. "I wonder how they get it to shoot the little beams of hot red light?"
Han Solo glanced over his shoulder and stared oddly at the short green-garbed kid. His outfit reminded the pilot of races that lived in the woods and didn't have much technology. Though he'd certainly never seen such short humanoids before! And those gerbil-creatures didn't count; they were too furry. Spotting the blaster in Link's hand, he instantly felt a strong surge of misgiving. "That's a blaster. Put it down before you shoot yourself," he warned.
Link scoffed at him, holding the gun over his shoulder in a fashion that looked ironically like a cowboy cocking a pistol. "Oh, come on. I'm know how to handle weapons! I-" Suddenly the blaster went off in his hand, seared through something, and then bounced off the ceiling and burned a spot into the floor. Link yelled, Chewie ducked, Han hollered, and Navi shrieked. The blaster clattered to the floor, and there was an awful second of silence. Then Han looked like he was about to yell at Link for being a little idiot kid.
He didn't quite manage to beat Link. The short Hyrulian grabbed frantically at his long stocking hat, yanking it off his head. Then he stared at it, aghast. A large, perfectly round blackened hole was burned straight through both sides. Link wailed in a voice that seemed to be stuck between anger and despair. "My hat! It's ruined! NOOOO!" He fell over and started sobbing, clutching the hat to him like a dead puppy.
Navi vented an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. "Oh brother, Link. Here, give me your silly hat. I'll fix it for you."
Link stopped wailing and shot the fairy a confused look. "Fix it? How the heck are you going to fix it? It's got a big HOLE in it!"
Instead of waiting to answer him, Navi snatched the hat out of his hands. "Just let me see it, all right?" she snapped irritably. Link tried to see what she was doing, but her glow kept getting in the way. A few random items dropped out of the bottom as she messed with it. "Hey!" Link yelped. "Be careful with that!" Han was staring in utter confusion, trying to figure out how this elf kid was storing 3 metal swords, a book, a Morningstar, and a framed cross-stitch that said "Mommy Loves You!" all in that little stocking cap. Then he wondered why the heck a kid had that many weapons in the first place. And I thought this place couldn't get any weirder! he thought to himself. This is all that dumb Kenobi's fault somehow, I just know it.
Just as Link was gathering together the rest of his stuff, Navi tossed the hat down to him nonchalantly. He grabbed at it, simultaneously dropping his stuff with a ringing clatter. He inspected the hat carefully. Then he stared up at the fairy in disbelief. "There's not even a seam in it!" he cried in surprise. "How the heck did you fix it so perfectly?!" He started stuffing his things back into the endless hat space as he waited for her answer.
Navi shrugged uncomfortably. "Well, you know…magic hat, magic fairy. Magic fixes magic things. Ya know?" Link eyed her unsurely, finding her awkward tone rather odd and wondering what else she was hiding. He was just about to ask her just how many other 'special talents' she had been hiding from him all this time that they had been fighting monsters and saving Zelda's stupid rear, when suddenly the door that Han and Chewie had been working on whooshed open. "Got it!" the pilot called triumphantly.
As they were about to go through, Han glanced over at the elf and fairy. Link had a rather lost and confused look on his face. "So, are you guys coming, or what?" Han asked finally. Link looked up at him in surprise.
"You mean you actually want us to come with you?" he asked suspiciously.
Han shrugged and flashed his signature cocky grin. "Yeah, sure, why not? You look like you're lost, anyways, and I want to know why you're on this hulking spaceship." He waved a finger towards Navi and chuckled. "And your little bug – sorry, I mean fairy –" he added quickly when her glow brightened angrily, "might be handy fighting these nimrods." Chewie made one of his rawgling noises and nodded. Han grinned. "So are you coming, or what?"
Navi glanced at Link, and Link looked at Navi. Link shrugged, and Navi made a gesture to show her agreement. Link turned back to the tall beings and shrugged. "Sure, why not?" he agreed casually. Sticking the blaster into his belt (much to Navi and Han's consternation), he followed them through the door. They were on their way down the hall when one other thought struck Link in the face.
"Wait, what was that about a spaceship?"
A/N: REVIEWS! I DEMAND IT!