13Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or any rights to it.
Um, this is a drabble I wrote a while back and recently decided to submit. Please Enjoy! And give me some feedback on whether you liked it or not. Remember, this is only a 'what if.' (A What IF ROY WAS A MAN WHORE...tee hee, jk.)
Guilty
Her carefully projected calm went under barrage for the hundredth time that day as she returned to find the colonel gone. Havoc reported, rather bitterly, that it was another one of his 'dates,' if you could even call them that. She seriously debated running after him this time and dragging him back to the office. If her gun could not persuade him, then physical violence was always another option. And she knew, the others would happily help her instill some responsibility into the slack-off. Everyone, absolutely everyone was swamped with work. Taking account for the colonel's paperwork was impossible this time. She could sense their patience wavering already.
Couldn't he have at least picked a better time? The yearly evaluation for state alchemists was coming up and it wasn't just Roy's reputation at stake. Even so, it was ridiculous for him to assume his absences would go unanswered for much longer. Roy's misconduct with women generally produced more than one reaction from higher ups. Envy of his youth and a patient tolerance for his lack of self restraint was most common. Occassionaly, he had been reprimanded for not taking his position seriously. But, something worse had evolved. Disgust or loathing of the man, she did not know which, but he was making powerful enemies. Riza wondered whether Mutsang was trying to ruin everything. All the effort they put into pushing him up through the ranks. Was he willing to sacrifice his dreams, their dreams too?
She sighed. The colonel could be very subtle when he wanted to be, but lately his night time exploits had become...
Blatant.
Riza's eyes hardened, her expression downcast. And he wasn't even considering her feelings... Well, not that she expected him to. It was just that...
He used to.
She could not repress the sting of betrayal welling up in her chest. The weight of his actions sat heavily in her heart. Lately, it seemed as though he were throwing every conquest in her face, trying to pull some reaction from her, wanting her to be furious. Or maybe it was just her imagination... Even so, she had failed him completely if he had hoped for those things. Riza knew it was impossible to put her own happiness before his. Really, she was disappointed more than anything else. Disappointed that it couldn't be her to make him that way. Hope must be a one sided thing for never once had he encouraged her.
Shaking her head clear of those thoughts, she continued down the hall.
It was worthless, to waste time on such an emotion, though. Riza was far more useful to him as a lieutenant than a lover. And she couldn't be both. From day one, she had no allusions about their relationship. She was his tool and would do anything for him to succeed. Kill for him, die for him, hurt him to help him, but she would not let love into this. For his sake, she would protect him. Grabbing a few inches off his stack of papers, Riza headed back to work at her desk. In any way possible.
Roy stumbled into his apartment, his lips melded to some Jane or Jackie or whomever. She pulled back, hugging his waist as he locked the door and led her to his bedroom. They wasted no time in their drunken rush to undress and the woman had already fallen over onto his bed. Roy eyed her pale flesh and golden hair, thinking only of his lieutenant. His eyes shied away from the nameless woman's face, only concentrating on her body. He needed time to convince himself that it was Riza who lay gasping beneath him. Roy's face buried itself in her blonde hair, taking in a scent that didn't match his memory. Arms clutched his shoulders, pulling their bodies closer. She made an indiscernible noise and he moved quickly before his image of Riza faded...
Something felt wrong. Well, more wrong than usual. Guilt wrapped around him like bed sheets. This indulgence of his had come at a particularly bad time... Where was she, the real Riza? Probably at the office slaving away, staying over hours again to barely pull through for hiim. Suddenly his image of Riza with him was ruined and he could no longer fool himself. He turned his back on the woman, feigning sleep. Roy felt her disappointment and cringed when she latched onto his arm, drifting off. He was not surprised to find himself glaring up at the moon rather angrily from his place in the bed. He was...
Dirty.
And sick with the realization that tonight only pushed him further away from her.
Please Review. Flames are welcome and quite enjoyed. winks Constructive critiscism is good too. I can't figure out how to make a reader feel an emotion. Instead, I end up writing what a person should be feeling... Ah, does anyone have a clue what I'm trying to say? No? Well, nvm then...