She didn't know, but after she'd fallen asleep, after he'd pretended to doze off, he stared at her hair.

It was like liquid fire her hair, flowing over the dingy white pillowcase.

Those were the times when he could forgive himself for being with her. That he could forgive her for being with him.

My girl's a liar
But I'll stand beside her
She's all I've got
And I don't want to be alone

He ran the tips of his fingers over her white skin, but stopped short of touching her arms. Even in the dark, he could feel the track marks there, burning in her skin. He had no problem looking at his own, but hers...

Hers made him sick.

All of the drugs she does
Scare me real good
She's got a tattoo
And two pet snakes

He supposed that while he was high, he was grateful to her. Grateful to the person who'd introduced him to her glittering magical world. A world where being safe was for tomorrow and everyone was beautiful until the next morning when you woke up with a stranger's come on your face.

But while he wasn't high, he almost hated her.

Because she was going to leave him.

He knew it.

Things like her couldn't be contained, couldn't be caught. They would trick people into thinking they'd been housebroken, give the false impression that they'd settled.

But one day, he knew he'd wake up with her gone and maybe a bag of smack as a parting gift.

Either that, or she'd take all his money instead.

Thinking about that made him believe what his friends had told him, that maybe she was just a cold-hearted bitch.

But nobody knows me like her
Nobody knows her like me
We're all we've got
And we don't want to be alone

And there was nothing he could do.

He'd proposed. Twice. Both times while they were fully clothed, sober and grounded.

And she'd laughed, told him to save it for later.

At least he could comfort himself with the knowledge that she would lead a beautiful life, bringing her "gift" to anyone who asked. Maybe she would one day, clean up, have a family.

Whatever happened to her, April Erickson was destined to be something, even if he wasn't.

No there is no other one
No there is no other one
I can't have any other one
Though I would
Now I never could with one