Disclaimer- I do not own Gilmore Girls!
He left, for the second time he left. He went cross-country all the way to California. He leaves with no word, no note, not even a simple phone call telling me that he's going to be leaving me again. I want him to be back in Stars Hollow, I want to hold him in my arms and walk down the cold streets with him again, but I don't want to be that girl.
The girl who pretends like everything's okay as soon as he pops up again; to be so excited to see his face that she forgets about everything he did to her. I refuse to be the girl who he can just run back to when he wants a fling. I'm not the fling girl; I'm the long relationship girl.
On my graduation day, the most important day of my life, which I was hoping on spending with him, he calls. He decides to call at that particular moment and that special day. He ruined my whole image of graduating, he ruined my happiness, for the rest of the day I had to force myself to not think about him and think about my trip to Europe and going to Yale.
But his face keeps showing up in my head, every time I close my eyes I see him. His voice is still in the back of my mind. The feeling of his warm and sweet touch. His kisses still haunt me, his smile still alive. The moments we shared were like magic, and the thought of him not with me hurts every inch of my existence.
When I do see him again, I will not bow down to him, I will not be struck by his rugged good looks or his charming way of wearing a beat down leather jacket.
Before I went out with Dean, I was just some girl that went to a fancy high school and lives in a small town. When I went out with Dean, things changed. I became more of a woman, more independent. Then, then Jess came to Stars Hollow, and my whole life was turned upside down. He drove me insane the way he would always be nice to me and rude to everyone else.
I could talk to him like I couldn't talk to Dean. We had more in common, we never ran out of things to talk about, there was always something new and exciting and we had a discussion over.
He was into books, and reading, and he was smart. My god was he smart, smarter then most of his school and he was still failing. He wouldn't pay attention in school; he was never on time, or prepared. He just wasn't into school like he should've been. He wasn't focused enough to keep his head in school and get a hold of his diploma.
It doesn't matter how much I try, he is still in my heart and he won't leave. Now matter how much I tell myself that I hate him and that he left me, I can't hate him. I love him, with my mind body and soul. I would've given myself to him, but he took off. He left me, with nothing but a broken heart to remember him by.
Sitting here, counting the moments we spent together, there's too many to just write down. We've had good memories, and then some memories I'm not so proud of. At Sukie's wedding, after my dad decided to answer his phone, I saw Jess standing near the lake and something inside me pushed me to him. He stood there, looking so sweet and so amazing telling me he's moving back. Something exploded inside me; I had to let it out, so I kissed him.
Moments after the kiss, I remembered that I was still dating Dean, and Jess was his enemy; and they hated each other. I was cheating on Dean and I liked it. There was a special spark when his lips touched mine. Something that was different from when I kissed Dean. Everything was different; nothing was the same with those two.
"Test on Thursday, you may be excused."
Throughout the entire class I was sitting in my seat thinking about Jess and how I felt with him. No words can explain how pathetic I feel at this moment.
To the next class I go, maybe then I'll think about Logan, he cheated on me again last night.