Be That As It May: Oneshot
Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own Naruto, I'm sorry to say.
Tsunade regarded the two boys before her. Her fingers were laced, her elbows propped on her desk, and the expression on her face bordered on serious, with undertones of well-hidden amusement. If not for her remarkable self control, the Hokage would have been giggling madly.
What situation could have been more perfect?
The two boys, Sasuke and Naruto, however, were clearly not partaking in Tsunade's glee. Naruto looked thoroughly uncomfortable, fidgeting often, his eyes flitting from place to place, searching for an escape route. His companion, Sasuke, rather than appearing to be at all embarrassed, had taken to glaring heatedly at the Hokage. And, had Tsunade been anyone but herself, she might have responded by cowering under her desk. The Uchiha could do that to people.
As it was, though, Tsunade was the one in control. And she was taking full advantage of it.
"So… How to begin? It seems that earlier today, the two of you were caught in the Ninja Academy in a… compromising position. Is this so?" Tsunade asked, trying admirably to hide her smirk.
Naruto was gaping now. She sure cuts to the chase, doesn't she?
"Well, you see… About that… We were, umm, going to visit Iruka-sensei! Yeah! And, uhh, that's what we were doing in the Academy…" Naruto babbled, hoping beyond hope that whatever he had just said had made the least bit of sense.
Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples as though he had a headache. Which, as it turned out, he did. That was believable, dobe. You should have just left the explanation to me.
Tsunade's eyes twinkled. She hadn't known toying with people's heads was this much fun. "That still doesn't manage to explain just how the both of you ended up in an empty classroom, Naruto."
Naruto screwed up his face, as he only did when he was trying to think. Hard.
"We… couldn't find Iruka, kept running around the place calling his name, but guess what? No Iruka! So… so finally we just… saw this classroom and I thought, 'Hey, you know what? Maybe Iruka-sensei's hiding somewhere in there.' And so we went in."
Tsunade frowned, as though contemplating his answer. "You couldn't find Iruka… so you decided to check for him in an empty classroom, even though all the lights were out and the door was locked? That is, before you forced your way inside."
Naruto's face flushed. "Well… I-I remembered Iruka telling me something about how he… liked to think… in the dark sometimes."
Even Naruto felt like banging his head on something hard after that one. Lame. Lame, lame, lame, oh so terribly lame.
Tsunade couldn't help but grin. Alright, I'll bite. "Okay, now all you have to do is explain to me how you ended up on top of each other in this empty, Iruka-less classroom."
At this, Naruto turned desperately to Sasuke. The look on his face clearly said that he couldn't for the life of him think up an appropriate answer to this particular question, and was hoping Sasuke would save him. No such luck.
Sasuke merely shook his head. He simply refused to become a part of this foolishness, now that Naruto had screwed up the story as much as he had. Naruto was on his own.
Feeling a sudden surge of panic, Naruto faced Tsunade once again. She was waiting patiently for an answer. So Naruto responded with what seemed like the most obvious choice at the time.
"I… Umm, well, I tripped. A-And as I was going down, I reached out to grab onto something… and I accidentally grabbed onto Sasuke," Naruto finished, trying his best to sound sheepish.
Tsunade's grin doubled. "Ah. I see. So, in your haste to steady yourself, you accidentally pulled Uchiha down with you. Is that it?"
Naruto, gullible as he was, seemed to believe she was buying his excuse. "Yeah! Yeah, that's exactly it!"
And Naruto walked straight into Tsunade's trap. "So, as I see it, I am to believe that you fell on top of Uchiha… and your lips just magically connected?"
Naruto froze. He hadn't been prepared for that. He knew he should have been, but he hadn't. They were so screwed.
But Tsunade wasn't done just yet. Oh no, she wasn't. "And, I'm also to believe, that, as you were falling, you were both mysteriously stripped of your shirts?"
Naruto was mouthing like a goldfish. Damn.
Tsunade felt like flashing the victory sign. And she would have, had she not been the Hokage. "Do you want to know what I think Naruto?" she asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.
Naruto hesitated, impending doom hanging like a cloud over his head. "…What?"
And now Tsunade had him. "I think that two very horny little boys were a bit too far from their houses for their liking. Being that they could barely keep from jumping on top of one another, their next best option was a conveniently placed empty classroom in the Ninja Academy. Although both were highly trained shinobi, usually skilled and stealthy, in their haste to undress each other, they were a bit too loud. And they drew someone's attention. And were caught in the act. Now how does that sound to the two of you?"
Naruto's eyes were wide as dinner plates. "I… We weren't…! I mean, there's no way you could think… It's not like that, I swear!" He knew he was spouting gibberish. Complete sentences were lost to him.
Even Sasuke seemed in shock, which was quite the accomplishment on Tsunade's part. He didn't have his mouth hanging open like Naruto did, but there was definitely a crack in his composure.
Tsunade flashed the boys a smile. Or bared her teeth, depending on who you asked. "Well, now that that little mystery's been all cleared up, I suggest the two of you start handling your needs within the confines of your bedroom. Wouldn't want a child walking in on the two of you, would you? Imagine the mental scarring... Now then, that's all. I expect you to be more careful next time, understood?"
Two dumbstruck boys nodded numbly, got up and headed out the door of the Hokage's office. Tsunade leaned back in her chair, a satisfied smile tugging at her lips.
Needless to say, there was never another incident to be spoken of in the Village of Konoha, if for the sole fact that neither Naruto nor Sasuke wanted their sex life discussed by the Hokage ever again.
Author's Notes: Okay! Hope you all enjoyed it!