"Hey, he's just over here.."
That was when Shannon saw him. Her heart sank, and she was momentarily at a loss for words. The air was slowly beginning to vanish from her lungs, and all she could do was turn and glance at Jack in thanks, then walk over to him.
Jack drew back to give her some space, and then after exchanging a few words with Sayid, left her alone with Boone. Shannon looked back at Sayid, but he had already disappeared with Jack. She glanced down at Boone, tears welling up in her eyes. Why had this had to happen to him? And to think, they had been so close..
Getting out of here?
"So close to.." Shannon began, and her body shook with sobs as she spoke, to no one in particular, "..getting out of here. Yeah, getting out of here."
Well, yes, of course. Shannon shook her head, annoyed with herself for dwelling on such things. No, she and Boone would have never had a hope of being together, for she had never loved him. Sure, she'd always felt something for him. But that something didn't equal love.
I could have never loved him, Shannon thought to herself, careful not to think aloud as someone
could be listening.
But was that true? Maybe if she'd been given more time she could have..
Even though she was still trembling madly, Shannon managed to relax a little. Her sobs had ceased, she was lost in thought. She supposed she was still shocked, overcome by the tragedy. She should have been thinking: no, Boone can't be dead, no, no, he can't be, because..
Because you love him?
"I don't love him."
Shannon uttered the words with a snarl, and then sighed. Tears began to roll down her cheeks, she couldn't hold them back for any longer. Suddenly, she realised that he was gone, gone forever. Never coming back.
But you still have Sayid.
Yes, she still had Sayid. She cared for him, liked him a lot.. possibly even loved him, for Shannon wasn't quite sure of her feelings for him at that moment. But Boone was irreplaceable. Who was going to protect her against things when they were finally rescued? Who was going to always be there for her?
Sayid could be.
Sure, Sayid could be. But maybe he didn't even love her? He might like her, might find her physically attractive, because what man didn't? But could he always be there for her like Boone was? Could she always protect her like Boone did?
The answer to that was: no.
Something in Shannon Rutherford was lost that day. When Jack returned, this time with Sun and Hurley, Shannon rose, but not before kissing Boone's cheek and muttering "goodbye". With that, Shannon rose, leaving her dead brother and walking right past them without a backward glance, on her way back to the beach to find Sayid. She would never forget him, would never forgive him for leaving her alone like this.
She wouldn't give in, though. She would try to make the best of things, because after all, she had Sayid to comfort her. But now everytime she looked at Sayid, she would always see Boone there aswell. And he would never leave her alone.
Because Shannon felt that god had punished her for all the bad things she ever did to Boone by taking him away from her.
Shivering slightly, Shannon closed her eyes briefly, drawing breath, before heading back.