26NOTE: I AM GOING TO BE EDITING ALL OF MY FANFICS FOR GRAMMAR MISTAKES AND WILL BE ADDING MORE HUMOR.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or Snivellus, or ballerina lessons.
Maiko: Get use to it! I'm calling Snape Snivellus. And...other nice nicknames.
Snape: 'Snivellus' isn't nice!
Maiko: Not for you...But it's nice for me to call you that!
Snape: I hate you.
Maiko: Eh, get use to it.
Chapter One:
"AAHH! The Horror!"
"AAHH! The horror!" Snivellus yelled as he ran through, yes, through the wall.
"You come back here! I command you to come back here!" Voldermort stormed through, yes, through the glass and wooden door after Snivel-kins.
Maiko: Yeah, yeah, I know this is a lot of noise and very noticeable. But hey, it's my fanfic.
Voldermort soon caught up with Snivel-kins, who was trying to fit in with the wall. Yes, you heard it: the wall.
So then, Voldermort dragged Snivelly back to their...rented...hideout. Yeah, I was going to say stolen home, but I didn't like the sound of that. Anyway, so Voldermort dragged Snivelly, by the ear, back to their rented hideout while waving at random people as if he were a queen, and let me assure you, he's not. When they reached their destination, or when Voldermort dragged Snivelly to his destination, Severussy was still throwing a tantrum:
Severussy: "Why does it have to be me!?"
Narcissa, whom just, just, happened to be there: "Drink your milk," She glared her petrifying, yes, very, very, very, horrifyingly petrifying glare.
Severussy, whom just happened, just happened to fall for the glare and is now petrified: "Yes mommy,"
He obediently drank his milk after losing 2, no, 3, no, 13 brain cells. So, thanks to Narcissa's glare, Snivelly, whom supports world domination and blue tutus, is 13 brain cells dumb-er. Not bad!
Baldy Voldy was currently sitting in his mighty chair and acting like his normal arrogant mighty self. (Yes, he's bald, shut up!) When...um...when...When Barney burst in and sang his song!
Barney: "I luv you! You luv me! We're a happy fa-mi-lyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! With a great big hug and akissfrommetoyou! Won'tyousayyouluvmeto! This is Barney for the 5 o' clock news, over and out."
Sadly, our dear friend had to leave; he had an appointment with the psychotic hospital. Aww! Doesn't that make you wanna cry? NOOOOOO! COOOOOMMMMEEEE BAAAAACCKK BAAAAAARNEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY!
Voldermort, who just happene-eh, screw this: "OMG IT'S BARNEY! SIGN MY SHIRT BARNEY! I'M YOUR NUMBAH ONE FAN!"
Sadly, again, Barney had disappeared, leaving his director behind, and Voldy figured he might just get on with his life and stop all of these random interruptions that I had carefully planned out: "Now Severus, I gave you a command; you will do what I tell you to!"
Barney's director: "Come on! How heartless can you be?! The poor little boy is soaking wet! Let him eat his soup first!"
So, Snivelly would have been 13 brain cells easier to boss and bully, but noooo! Someone had to feed him broccoli and cheese soup! I'm blaming Bellatrix! Whatever her last name is!
Voldermort: "Now can I yell at him?"
Uh-uh-uh! Some one's being impatient! Naughty-naughty, you'll get caughty! No more Christmas, or Noel for you! Tsk-tsk-tsk!
Narcissa: "Yes you can,"
Maiko: CURSE YOU NARCISSA! I VOW THE DOWNFALL AND SUFFERING OF THIS SIMPLETON! I WILL GET MY REVENGE! BWAHAHAHAHA! I SHALL SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE BOLD ONE WHOM DARED TO CROSS MY LAPTOP!
Random guy in a white coat: "Whoa! By the love o-she's lost it! Get her! No! You! Go get back up!"
We are sorry to inform you that the rest of this chapter has been canceled due to the fact that the author turned out to be a missing psycho from the funny farm. No worries, she has been sent back by her parents and a number of very irritated neighbors. We wish you a go-OHMIGAWD! SHE'S GONE! AGAIN! NOOO! HELP M-
Maiko: Did I not vow the downfall and suffering of a simpleton? I never go back on my words. The story will continue and nothing, nothing can stop the power of my invincible laptop combined with the power of my bazooka!
Voldermort gives an excited squeal: "Yay!" Then realizing that his timing was slightly o-
Ai: Ya think!
Maiko: Yeah! I do think! I have a brain you know? If I didn't, how did you expect me to break from that psycho house?
Maiko: Anyway...
Then, realizing that his timing was slightly off, he cleared his throat and gave his meanest grimace/glare/scowl/pout.
Voldermort: "You have no choice Snape Severus! I gave you an order! You will leave tomorrow!"
Flashback...
Maiko: I love that word!
On that stormy night, Voldermort had Snivellus see him privately after one of their meetings...
Voldermort: 'Now, you are here because I am assigning you a very important mission that if you fail, I will torture you for life, Snape. You will be spying on muggles to find their greatest weakness. You have to do this because you are loyal, and because if you don't, there won't be a point to this story,'
Snivelly: 'You mean muggles' greatest weakness wasn't coconuts!'
Voldermort: 'Sadly, no. It isn't chocolate or sugar either. This mission depends on you. You will have to travel around the world, if you want to know why, look at the line that is three lines above this one. So, I have made a list of jobs you might try to get. And when I say try, I mean you better do it or you're dead! So, I expect you to try every single one until one of them fits you. Remember, my future plans depend on your success.'
Voldermort was not joking this time. That's why he sounds like a father talking to his young son.
Voldy: 'You will need to learn how to operate these instruments: Violin, viola, cello, bass, piano, harp, trumpet, drums, flute, harmonica, electric keyboard, saxophone, recorder, bag pipes, synthesizer, French horn, flugelhorn, trombone, mandolin, oboe, clarinet, cymbals, tambourines, xylophone, guitar, banjo, electric guitar.'
Snivelly was out cold. Until two hours later, he woke up: 'Whoa Nelly! That's a lot of stuff...'
Voldemort: 'True, but I know you will survive. Next, you need to master the arts of painting, sculpting, singing, designing, also, I wish for you to join the 8th grade drama club and master the art of...-gulp- pencil sharpening...'
Snivel-kins: 'Bu-but the art of pencil sharpening has not been mastered for thousands of years! That is a task that no one can do!'
Voldy: 'I believe in you. In addition, I want you to join multiple dance classes such as tap, jazz, waltz, tango, rumba, samba, polka, Irish jig, foxtrot, mambo, hula, swing, music videos, salsa, boogie-woogie, cha-cha-cha, meringue, ballet, and river dancing.'
Snivelly stared at Voldy for at least 10 whole, silent minutes.
Severussy: 'Why can't I be a teacher?'
Voldermort: 'Teachers don't get to travel around the world do they? Now young dragon, may the force be with you...'
End flash back...
Maiko: I still love that word!
Maiko's note: Alright! Third fanfic! Second one posted but third one written! Stay tuned if you want to read about Snape trying for all of those jobs! And I might send you the recipe for my fudge drops! They're fudgy but baked! Oh, I'd like to say thanks to Sparkle for letting me use some of the stuff she does, and to Lillie for listening to me talk about the idea! I love the triple dotted thingy...Yeah! Like that!