3644 things we'll never hear voldemort say
1. Hey Lucius, look how far I can shove a French fry up my nose!
2. I... I keep seeing beavers! They're everywhere! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs into wall)
3. (To Harry) Hello. My name is Lord Voldemort. I killed your father. Prepare to die.
4. (Crying) I- I never wanted to be evil I wanted to be a-A BRITNEY SPEARS BACKUP DANCER!
5. I like eggs!
6. Everyone I am a woman.
7. Snape, I want you.
8. (Sadly) I'm a maniac, maniac. On the floor. I am dancing like I never danced before.
9. I JUST WANT TO LOVE!
10. Yes, Harry. I killed your parents. How does that make you feel?
11. Oh my god, Snapey, you're, like, the best crony EVER!
12. Wait am I part Spanish? You know I just might be. Look at my name-Vol-duh-mort-tuh-how Spanish is that?"
13. We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"
14. Super Duper!
15. You're, like, so going to die and burn in hell! Avada Kedevra!
16. You are the weakest link
17. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts
18. (To Donald Trump) Nooooo you're fired! Avada Kedevra!
19. Death Eaters, as you know, Nagini died. So I got a new pet This is Allen. He's a Lobster! YAYYYYYY LOBSTERS!
20. Hi.
21. For Halloween, I think Ill be me.
22. (As a child) Mr. Dumbledore, when I grow up, I want to be just like you!
23. (Silence)
24. (To death Eaters) Ya know what, guys? I've decided to give you a break! So (rips off robes) PAJAMA PARTY!
25. Pass it to your neighbor,
Instead of blowing up,
And well find love and harmony in a SNAP CUP!
26. Ya know what? I like you. Here's my E-mail: MildlydepressedcontrolfreakwhohasspentmorethanhalfhislifeintherapyAOL
27. I never wanted this job anyway! I wanted to be a lumberjack! PANCAKES!
28. Foshizzle my nizzle!
29. Oh gosh! I won the entire care bears collection! I LOVE YOU, EBAY!
30. Vote for Pedro!
31. You've got mail!
32. (Crying) he was a skater boy she said see ya later, boy, he wasn't good enough for her (sobs)
33. If I had a dollar every time I heard that, I would have a dollar!
34. OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
35. Snape: how are you going to defeat the potter boy, sir?
Voldemort: However I feel like defeating him, gosh!
36. I'm melting! I'm melting!
37. Boo.
38. Richard Simmons is my hero!
39. Where the hell is my bra?
40. One does not simply walk into Hogwarts. We need an army with ninjas and lobsters NINJA LOBSTERS!
41. Voldemort: Hey Snape, I need some help
Snape: And you just made this revelation now?
42. I've decided to quit being Lord Voldemort and Become(puts on a mask) THE PHANTOM OF THE RIDDLE HOUSE!
43. All right, someone stole my underwear. I will turn around, count to 3, and they had better be back. And mark my words; if one sequin is out of place, I'm cracking skulls!
44. (running away from Harry) He's after me lucky charms!