4Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. The characters I own are: Mr. Harada, Tomoka Chiu, Tomiki Chiu, Wah Chiu, and Grandma Xing Xing
Shades of Gray
Prologue: Out of Her Shadow
I fidgeted nervously in Mr. Harada's office. I couldn't help but be paranoid if I was selected to be a peer tutor or not. I had always been considered smart and I am taking advanced classes but I couldn't help but worry; that's just the way I am. Mr. Harada continued scanning my application sheet, occasionally nodding his head. I fiddled my thumbs as if that would calm my tense nerves. Mr. Harada's eyebrows raised, dropped, and then he set down the folder. A smile was on his face.
"Congratulations, Miss Chiu," he said in a hearty voice. "You're our newest tutor."
I smiled, with both satisfaction and relief. "Thank you, sir," I said with glee in my voice. Mr. Harada beamed at me.
"You'll be assigned your first tutee tomorrow morning. Be here at my office for details," said Mr. Harada.
"Yes, sir," I said, trying to contain my excitement. "Thank you, sir."
"You may go, Tomoka."
I left Mr. Harada's office and there was a bit of skip to my step. I was so excited that I had become a peer tutor. I had always had a desire to help people, and this way I could help them academically. Academics were where my strengths were, while other activities (such as sports) were where I failed miserably. I could not catch a baseball or lead a cheer but I could solve a quadratic formula within seconds in my head and could read a long novel within an hour. Reading was probably why I had gotten so intelligent.
Ever since I was born, I loved to read. Any kind of book was my favorite. I loved romance, drama, mystery, science fiction, fantasy-anything that could ensnare my senses and transport me to another world. I suppose I thought of reading as my way of escaping reality. Well, actually I had another way of doing that.
One of my pastimes that no one knew about was art. I loved to sketch, draw, and paint many different things. I would have been more open about the fact I loved art if it weren't for my lack of confidence. Even though I was passionate about art, I was not very good at it. Whenever I looked at my drawings, I never felt satisfied. That was one of my problems-being a perfectionist.
As I left Mr. Harada's office, I started for the gym, where I would have to sit and watch Tomiki play volleyball. Tomiki was my twin sister but she was close to being my complete opposite. Tomiki was one of those social butterflies who got along with everyone and always had a guy that wanted to be her boyfriend. In my seventeen years of life, I had never had a boyfriend while Tomiki got her first (and certainly not her last) boyfriend at the age of eight. Tomiki was also very athletic and on the volleyball team, for which she had won many trophies. I suppose because she was so athletic, that is why she was also very thin, while I was on the heavier side. It wasn't very noticeable I was overweight, but in truth I weighed around one hundred and thirty pounds.
I walked into the gym and took a seat on the wooden bleachers. In the center of the polished gym floor was a net and there were three girls on either side of the net. I noticed Tomiki was on the right side, jumping up what seemed to be five feet. With a smack of her palm, Tomiki spiked the ball into the ground, earning her words of praise from the coach. I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose. I hated Tomiki.
Not only was she beautiful and popular, but Tomiki also was so confident in everything she did. She rarely got nervous because she knew she was great at whatever she was doing. The only thing Tomiki isn't wonderful at is school, but she still manages decent grades. Tomiki had it all. Good enough grades, lots of friends, guys with their eye on her, beauty, athletic-she was even a hell of a good cook. Sitting on the bleachers made me regret not getting my driver's license.
I never took the test because I was too afraid of crashing the car and failing. But Tomiki went to driver's ed and took the test. She passed with flying colors, and to reward her, Father bought her a car. I suppose his luxurious gift was to compensate for the fact that he was never home. Since Tomiki got a car, I've had to rely on her as my ride home. At first I totally protested, telling Grandma that I would take the bus. At first it wasn't so bad, but after getting creepy leers from a man in his thirties, I'd shied away from public transportation for quite some time.
Two hours later my butt had fallen asleep and Tomiki had just finished practice. The coach blew the whistle and told the girls to go change. Another ten minutes passed before Tomiki emerged from the locker room. Damn her. Even after a vigorous practice, she still managed to look like a super model.
"You ready to go, Tomo-chan?" Tomiki asked me as she ran a hand through her silky hair.
"Yeah, Tomi-chan," I said in a quiet voice. I didn't want Tomiki to know that I was envious of her. That would probably just boost her confidence even more. Lots of girls are jealous of Tomiki and want to be just like her. Sadly, I had joined the league of Tomiki-worshippers, though I was more envious than admiring of her. There were so many things I wanted to say to Tomiki, but I restrained myself. Instead, I put on fake smiles and call her "Tomi-chan" just as she calls me "Tomo-chan" as a nickname.
We got into Tomiki's car and arrived home within ten minutes. Tomiki and I approached the door and came inside. Removing my shoes, I walked into the dining room and plopped down my heavy backpack. With difficulty, I heaved out my advanced calculus book and opened to that night's homework. I also pulled out a graphing calculator, a notebook, and a pencil. I began my homework without hesitation. Tomiki had set her backpack down by the front door and was washing her hands in the kitchen.
Tomiki turned on her heels and rummaged through the refrigerator. When the refrigerator door closed, Tomiki's arms were laden with vegetables and a package of chicken. She laid the ingredients on the counter, rolled up her sleeves, and began to wash the vegetables. I looked back down at my homework. Some nice, elaborate equations would take my mind off of her perfection.
"Tomo-san! Tomo-san!" rang a shrill voice. I looked up with an expression of annoyance. There stood Wah, my younger brother, in the doorway. He trotted over to me and looked up with a huge smile on his face. "Tomo-san, will you play a game with me? Please?"
I bit my lip to keep from yelling at him to go away. "Ask Grandma to play," I mumbled, punching numbers in my calculator. I glanced at it. Ah, of course. The answer was sixteen.
"Grandma's sleeping," said Wah, tugging on my arm. "C'mon Tomo-san! Play with me!"
I jerked my arm away. Wah almost fell over. Regaining his balance, Wah stuck his tongue out at me, his eyes glaring bitterly. "You're no fun anymore, Tomo-san!" he whined. "You never wanna play with me anymore!"
"Wah, shut up and go to your room!"
I regretted my words too soon. I had not meant to snap at him like that. Wah was only six years old and here I was screaming in his face. Tomiki looked at Wah sympathetically, then turned back to preparing dinner. Wah looked at me with tears in his eyes. "I . . . I hate you!" he screamed, choking back a sob. Wailing loudly, Wah ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
I sighed heavily. I felt guilt tugging at my limp puppet of a heart. I couldn't believe I was so vile to my own brother-my younger brother. My whole body was trembling as I fought back tears. I didn't want to cry. If I cried, I wouldn't be able to stop. I repressed the sadness I felt and indulged in my homework.
Nearly an hour had passed before I finished my math homework. Tomiki was finishing up dinner, draining water from the steamed vegetables. She had made one of her specialties-chicken katsu. Tomiki looked at me and was silent a moment. I could tell she was thinking about what I had done to Wah.
"Dinner's done . . ." she said quietly. She sniffled and wiped at her right eye. "Could you go tell Wah and Grandma?"
I nodded, lugging my backpack with my as I made my way towards the stairs. I trudged up the steps and placed my onerous burden of a backpack by the foot of my bedroom door. Walking down the hall, I lightly tapped on Wah's door.
"Wah-kun?" I said softly.
He did not answer.
"Wah?"
Maybe he wasn't in there. I put my ear to the door. My heart sank as I listened to the sobs of a six-year-old boy. Very slowly, my hand reached for the door handle. I turned it and entered his room, preparing to be overwhelmed with guilt. Wah was sitting in the middle of the floor, his back facing me. His face was buried in his hands and his body trembled as he cried. I took light steps toward him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Wah," I said in a quiet voice.
He made a noise between a sob and a hiccup. "What?"
"Dinner's ready . . ."
Wah looked up at me and I nearly burst out crying on the spot. His cheeks were streaked from his tears, his eyes bloodshot. Gently, I rubbed his back as if that could atone for how I had hurt him. "Wah . . . I'm sorry about earlier," I said tentatively. Wah didn't speak, but he appeared to be listening. "And . . . I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to make you cry." I wiped at my own eyes, which were brimming with salty tears. "And . . . I just want to know that you're ok."
Wah looked into my eyes and blinked. He wiped at his nose with the back of his hand. "Are you mad at me, Tomo-san?"
I swallowed hard and shook my head. "No, Wah," I said in a cracking voice. "I'm not mad at you." I gave him a quick hug and kissed the side of his head. "I'm just sorry."
Wah kissed my cheek and said he accepted my apology. I left his room and then proceeded to wake Grandma. I stepped into her room and turned on the light. Grandma was in bed, heavy blankets pulled over her. On her nightstand was a tepid glass of water. I strode her side and gently shook her. "Grandma . . . wake up."
Her ancient, bleary eyes scarcely opened. "Yan-ling?" she rasped.
"Yes, Grandma."
Grandma sat up, smacking her lips. Her gray hair was drawn back into a tight bun and her face had many folds in it. She coughed several times, then asked, "What do you want, dear?"
"Yan-fei just finished dinner," I said, pulling back the blankets. Tomiki, Wah, and myself are half-Japanese and half-Chinese. Our mother's maiden name was Midori Tachibana and our father's name is Tsao Chiu. Our parents decided that when they got married that their first child would go by a Japanese name but have a Chinese name. In addition, the second child would go by a Chinese name but have a secondary Japanese name. Tomiki's Chinese name is Yan-fei and mine is Yan-ling. Father and Mother always addressed us as Tomiki and Tomoka but Grandma, whose memory was slower than a sleeping snail, had a hard time remembering that and called all the children by Chinese names. Wah has a Japanese name, which is Ikkei, but no one called him that.
Grandma smiled. "All right then . . . just let me get out of bed." Grandma swung her legs over to the side of her bed and slowly placed her feet on the floor. She put on white slippers and grabbed my arm for support. "Ready?"
"Ready," I confirmed. Grandma was had been ill for quite some time and could not move around like she used to. She slept often and had trouble getting around the house on her own. I pitied Grandma's weakened state. Here she was taking care of us three kids, even though she was clearly not getting any better.
My mother had died a few days after she gave birth to Wah. My father was never home because he was an international diplomat. He was always off in other countries and we saw him only twice a year, three times if we were lucky. When Mother died, Father's mother decided to come help raise us. Grandmother Xing Xing had been taking care of us a little over six years now and she had taught us a lot.
Grandma taught us lessons about life by telling us Chinese proverbs that her mother used to tell her. She had also been the one to teach Tomiki how to bake. Grandma also tried to teach me, but after I made a cake couldn't be cut through, I gave up. I just wasn't meant to know how to cook or bake. I can make rice and I can cook ramen noodles from a package but that's about as close as I get to really cooking something.
As Grandma and I entered the kitchen, we were graced with the aroma of Tomiki's cooking. Wah was already at the table, shoveling rice down his throat with chopsticks. Tomiki was sitting down, too, and she smiled brightly at Grandma.
"Hello, Grandma. Did you sleep well?"
Grandma chuckled dryly and nodded her head. Still using me for support, Grandma made her way to the table and sat down. I took my seat and looked down at my plate. Damn you, Tomiki. It looks great.
Grandma looked at Wah and muttered something in Chinese. Wah replied then turned back to his food. Grandma and Wah were the only people who spoke Chinese in our household (I would include Father, but he's never home). Father could speak his native language (Chinese) along with Japanese, French, English, Burmese, and Thai, all of which he learned to speak when he became a diplomat. Whenever he visited us, we would be greeted with gifts such as clothes from France or dolls from Thailand. Tomiki and I grew up speaking only Japanese since that was what was spoken at home. However, when Mother died, Grandma became the one who nurtured Wah, so he grew up learning Japanese and Chinese.
After dinner, I decided to clean the dishes since Tomiki had cooked and neither Grandma nor Wah could do the dishes without breaking one. As I scrubbed the plates, I couldn't help but think about my weight. During dinner, I noticed that even though I wasn't hungry, I kept eating. Was I eating merely because I liked the taste of the food? Maybe that's why I've gotten overweight. I shrugged off the thought and continued started scouring the pots.
I wondered who my tutee would be. I wondered whether it would be a boy or a girl and I also thought about what kind of student they would be. I hoped they wouldn't be too mean because I was very sensitive and don't handle criticism well. Putting away the dishes, I went upstairs to my room to finish my homework.
Two tedious hours later, I had finished and lied back on my bed. I sighed, thinking about what had happened at school today. Not only I had been chosen to be a peer tutor, but also something else happened that made me smile. My crush acknowledged me today! I was leaving French class and he bumped into me. He looked down and said, "Oh, I'm sorry," then went on his way. I couldn't believe it. He spoke to me-the Yusuke Urameshi spoke to me!
Ok, maybe it was only because he bumped into me, but so what? He still spoke to me. He was so cute up close. Tanned skin, big brown eyes, slicked black hair, and a gorgeous smile . . . it was godly how beautiful he was. But who was I kidding?
There was no way Yusuke Urameshi would want to go out with me. He's so hot that he wouldn't give a girl like me a second thought. Hell, he'd run past me and run to Tomiki if he saw her. I couldn't help but wonder if Yusuke had a crush on her. I hoped not. Having him choose my twin sister over me would be more humiliating than him turning me down. Sighing, I tucked myself into bed and pulled the blankets over my head. Maybe some miracle would happen and he and I would fall in love. Maybe God would cut me a break and let me radiate with the pride that oozes from Tomiki. Maybe someday I'll be as perfect as she is. Maybe someday . . . I'll be able to get out of her shadow and into the light.