Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the computer and the inspiration, which this time worked with a Mozart song, "Lacrymosa"
By the way this is written in Anna's POV
Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think, please
When will the rain stop falling? I wonder as I move my eyes from the cloudy sky to the wet floor. People keep passing in front of my eyes, running away, like scared from whatever the god from the skies has in store for them. And they keep running, as rain keeps falling, and the sky keeps getting darker and darker. A thunder echoed throughout the city, as a lighting appeared just for a brief moment, making everything so clear.
I get up from my spot and start walking, so contradictory considering the hurry everyone is in. And I'm not happy, yet not sad. I'm not angry, yet not even disturbed. I'm alive and I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
I start looking at my wet shoes, as I keep walking, passing in front of every kind of living person. Frightened, they just stay wherever they are and try to keep themselves warm. But I don't care, for I consider rain is just a metaphor for our own actions.
I'm not afraid of anything...
I repeat to myself in my mind.
I have lived through so much worse than just a couple drops in my head and the sound of thunder every once in a while. I have known what real coldness is, not just a cold breeze hitting your back, not just the missing of a fireplace. The feeling of being left out in a place you've never been before, where no face is familiar and you feel nothing but an absolute loneliness and pain.
That's real coldness.
I have been dead in life. Not a simple pure depression about being kicked out of your job, I mean seeing things that no one could understand, things you could never explain, and things no one wants to know.
I have known exactly what a soul is, not just guessed it, but known it from first hand.
I have seen the face of death... I have seen it in its purest, yet scariest form. And it's not even similar from what any imagination can get. And I have survived.
I'm not afraid of anything...
Then, I feel the strange urge to stop, as I move my head to a side, and see it just standing there. The road to my home. It's so cloudy I hadn't even noticed it. So I walk through it, the mist getting deeper and the rain falling harder. I can't see anything, but I know home is at the end of it.
When did I start calling our house that way? Maybe since I got used to our presence in there.
Since we first had breakfast together, since we always came back to it after school, since we shared a futon once...
It is not the house that gives me the feeling I'm home.
I can't spend a whole day without your silly smiling face popping up in my head. I had been thinking enough about myself, and now I was thinking about you all over again. I stop again. This time I can't see anything. Apparently there's no electricity, and the sky looks black as the drops keep getting thicker and falling faster. If I don't get a cold tonight, it will be a miracle.
Yet, I know this is the road. I always know what I'm doing...
Now I REALLY don't see anything. I don't even know if I'm gonna crash against something, but I know there's no one else. I could feel people's presence if they were here, but there's no one, of that I'm sure.
I'm so friggin' tired, I just wanna go home and rest. Maybe I'll take a bath and eat dinner. Dinner... I forgot to tell you to make dinner, but you should know by now it's your job! I hope you made it anyway, or else hell will sound a lot more like a lullaby compared to what I'll do.
I start to hear footsteps. The sound of shoes against water is an incomparable sound. I lift my stare from the floor to the front to see... Nothing! Everything looks damn black! I prepare myself for whatever comes... maybe some idiot wants to take advantage of the lack of light and steal my precious money. I put my hand in my pocket and hold my wallet tightly, waiting to see the moves of the other person.
The footsteps come closer, actually, they sound like wooden shoes. Who the hell wears wooden shoes in this weather? I walk to a side so the person and I won't crash against each other, and I hear him or her pass next to me and then go on. Now that the footsteps are heard far away again, I continue with my slow walk.
I think I only walked two steps when I sneezed. The rain had decreased a little bit but the air was still cold, and, I had got myself wet for some while.
"Bless you" I hear a familiar voice tell me. Where the hell was that coming from? I turn around to see who's there, under this damn storm and darkness, and then, like it was a scene from a movie or something, the electricity comes back.
I immediately turn around and see you standing there, with your wooden shoes, your coat and an umbrella... and I'm shocked.
It's no big deal actually... you're coming from home and I'm going there, you come in the opposite direction like any other day. But why is tonight different?
Is it because it's raining? Because it's dark and dangerous? Because I'm wet and you're not? Why am I so impressed to see you, like I had never seen you before?
"Are you ok?" was the only thing you said... you just stood there looking at me, not surprised to see me, not scared, but... worried? Do you ever worry about anything?
"If I'm ok you ask. It's been raining for about 2 hours, I'm all wet, I think I got sick and..." I said in the coldest tone I could fake, but before I could finish you come and put me under the umbrella with you.
"I understand" you cut me off with a single sentence and that stupid smile of yours that always makes me melt inside. "Let's go home now".
You start walking and leave me behind, I'm again impressed that nothing seems to bother you, not even my cold attitude towards you or the fact I seem to blame you for things that aren't your fault. When you notice that I stand in the exact same spot while you have already walked a few steps, you come back to get me.
"Come on, we're close to home now" you said smiling in a sweet low tone. This time I just stand there looking at you, impressed, that nothing I ever do makes you hate me, or at least keep a little resentment for me. But then, I can't let my guard down now. I change my expression to a mad one, and take the umbrella from you, walking by myself with it.
The truth is... I am afraid of something.
I am afraid that, one day, you will realize how unhappy you are with me, and you will get away and find happiness somewhere else. And it's not because I don't want anyone to have you, it's because I don't know if that person will love you as much as I do and could break your heart. And I'm afraid that, even though you're always happy, nobody has what you deserve to be given.
I don't know why, but I suddenly stopped in the middle of the road, with tears in my eyes, although they could not be distinguished because of the rain. I slowly turn around to where you are, still there, getting wet, and I look at you.
You don't even seem bothered by the fact I took the umbrella you offered to me so nicely from you, and that now you're getting all wet without any need. You're still there, waiting to see what I'm gonna tell you.
"Yoh..." I start looking right into your eyes. "Why didn't you wait in the house?"
"I...um..well, I... I..." Typical. It's the typical answer I get from you everytime I ask something out of the blue. Maybe you're scared that I will beat you up if you say something wrong, but I'll yell at you anyway if you don't say anything.
"Answer me!" After a little scare, you finally put yourself together.
"Because it had been a long time since you left and..."
"I... I decided to come to pick you up to make sure you were ok"
"Did you think I would get lost or something?" I ask raising an eyebrow, although inside of me I'm feeling confused, for you were worried about me.
"No... but..." You scratch the back of your head and look at the ground. If only you knew how incredible you make me feel when you do that. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did it. I'm sorry"
That's not exactly what I wanted to hear. But what did I want then? There is just one single thing I want to know and it's better if I just ask him directly.
"Yoh, why are you still with me?" I can feel myself blushing as I ask. We're engaged, for God's sake, why the hell do I have to blush when I ask my fiancé a simple question like that?
"Wh-What?" You must be as confused as I am, or maybe more. You must be wondering why am I asking you this weird things.
"Why... after all these years of training and punishment, why are you still with me?"
You seem to be processing it for a while, and then all confusion disappears from your face and is replaced with one of those loving smiles.
"That's very simple." You say it like I just asked you what colour is the sky. "It's just because I love you."
Now I'm really blushing, so I look at the ground and try to analyse it, but I can't, I just can't find anything that makes sense.
"You make it all sound so simple... always" I say still looking at my wet shoes.
"It is. It's not hard to understand. At all"
Somehow, I've always considered you a philosopher. You have your own way to do your things, to think, to decide what's best for you and everyone around you, and you always make it through. And it's just one of the million reasons why I admire you and want you to be happy ever after, with all the things you deserve.
"From all the people in the world... Why me?" I ask you now looking right into your eyes, waiting for a sincere answer.
After another sweet smile and a brief thinking, you answer me with another question.
"Why me?" you ask me now, do you think this is a game? I asked you a real question. Now I'm really mad. You don't take me seriously, do you? Without a second thought I slap you in the face.
"Idiot!" I yell at you. "I don't even know why I started this conversation with you!" I yell as I turn around to keep walking away from you.
And even though I've lived so much,
though I learned how to hate before I learned how to walk,
though I have seen the face of death and have been dead in life,
nothing has been as painful as you.
As painful as your words, or your silence
As painful as the things you do and the things you don't
As painful as your beauty or your love
As painful as knowing that the only reason why I have you is because you were forced to
and because you feel pity towards me...
I don't deserve your love, and I'll never have it
but I'm not asking for it either, for you shouldn't waste it on me...
I'm now a few steps away and I'm crying like an idiot. I'm trying to get home as quickly as possible to lock myself in my room and cry my eyes out. But then you're holding me back, taking my hand in yours.
"Let go! If you don't let go now I'm gonna kill you!" I yell trying to scare you away, but my voice broke and instead I sounded like a defenceless baby struggling for life. Then you take the umbrella from my other hand and throw it to the floor. "What's the matter with you?!" I keep trying to sound as scary as I wished to, but then you take my other hand, and without anyone's permission, you kiss me on the lips.
I could get away if I wanted to, I could still kick you, or bite you. But I don't. I seriously don't want to, 'cause this is calming me down. I close my eyes, tears still coming out of them and the rain falling all over me. That's when you deepen the kiss, moving your face a little and allowing me to taste more. You move your hands from my wrists to my shoulders and slowly put your face away from mine.
After the kiss is broken, you're only inches away from me, like you could shut me up again if you wanted to. I can't stop looking at your eyes, and I'm sure I must be blushing like crazy now. You have a serious expression, and seem to be analyzing mine.
"You still haven't noticed that we're just meant to be?" you ask me softly almost in a whisper. "I thought you already knew, that everything I do, I do it because all I want is to see you smile. I thought we didn't need to say anything to know what we're thinking, I thought that it was obvious..." you keep telling me.
I can't stand that stare anymore, so I try to look down, even though it's almost impossible. "But I was wrong" you continue, and saying this you softly lift my chin and I open my eyes. "And I'm very sorry"
I don't know what to say, I try to look to a side to avoid your stare. "We should go home now. I've got myself very wet, and I could get a cold..." I try to change the topic. Surprisingly, you just let go of me and go pick the umbrella and give it to me. I take it and prepare to leave, and you're just walking next to me, but not WITH me.
We walk all the way home, yourself getting wet all the time, but as usual, not caring. When we get home Amidamaru just shows up and starts talking to you, saying he was worried and all that, and I just throw the umbrella on the floor and walk straight to my room.
Just like I wanted, I locked myself in it and threw myself to the floor to start crying. Why? Why after all the nice things you said, am I still sad? What has changed?
I could just fall asleep and never wake up,
so you could have the life you always wanted
without having me there disturbing you.
So, should I continue? Should I stop forever? Let me know what you think by leaving a small review for me. Thanks for reading