13Maiko: I love the Alex Rider Adventures; I also love the Artemis Fowl series. Sadly, I do not own either.
Cho: Me too!
Maiko: -gasps- No! Really!?
Cho: Shut up Maiko! -Slaps her-
Chapter one:
Come with me little boy, I have lots of candies...
Maiko: First Alex Rider, then Artemis Fowl, then the world! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Dimensions away, Alex Rider was getting the creepy feeling that some crazy girl was planning to kidnap him and take him to her dimension no matter how or when or where or by what. But this was silly. There wasn't anything such as dimension traveling.
Cho: there is too.
Alex: "WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!? 911! HELLO? THERE'S A CRAZY WOMAN ON MY CARPET!"
Maiko: Shhh! Cho! See what you did to the poor boy? Shame on you!
Alex: "OMIGAWD! THERE'S ANOTHER PERSON ON MY CARPET!"
Sadly, the two girls who appeared out of nowhere disappeared back into nowhere. They left our poor sonny Alex boy screaming about his precious carpet.
Now Alex thinks he's nuts. Coconuts to be exact. But since coconuts are not really nuts (or are they?) Alex was thinking that he was walnuts. Now Carter is officially allergic to Alex Rider. Yep. But this was silly. Or was it? Well, firstly, there was that some-crazy-girl-is-going-to-kidnap-me-and-take-me-to-her-dimension creepy feeling. Secondly, there was that I-think-I'm-a-coconut-but-since-coconuts-are-not-really-nuts-so-now-I'm-walnuts-and-some-girl-named-Carter-is-now-officially-allergic-to-me matter. Thirdly there were those people on his carpet.
Alex: "9-1-1! THERE'S A CRAZY NARRATOR ON MY NEWLY VACUMMED FREAKIN' CARPET! GOGOGO! POWER RANGERS! GET HER!"
Jeez! Alex has got one hecka big mouth. It was like, what? 3:30 in the morning? People need their sleep these days! We can't all be insomniac can we? Alex even woke Jack up! Who knows how deep of a sleeper she is?
Jack: "Jeezums Alex! I need my beauty sleep! Shut up before I call the policed for real!"
Sad, but true, the batteries on Alex's phone had been removed due to his lack of sanity and a great deal of his hallucinations. Shame, shame...but our little guinea pig did not know this, did he now?
Alex: "JACK! OH THANK THE LORD ABOVE US ALL! QUICK! HAND ME MY HANDEY-DANDEY VACUMM MACHINE! THOSE WOMEN LEFT A SPECK OF DIRT ON MY CARPET!"
Alex sure had one big mouth, if my mouth was that big, I'd be an opera singer.
Jack: "Alex mah boy, you gotta lay off the sugar. Kay? I hereby decree that you may no longer consume carbonated sugar products until you learn how to handle the sugar rush. Now I'm going to go back to sleep, and I expect to stay asleep until I feel like waking up."
Jack then was witnessed staggering back into her bedroom, leaving sonny boy Alex dumbfounded on his carpet. He was crushed, like Italian ice, like slushies, like smoothies, like-like...like a brain that had just got run over by a car. He had thought that he had finally found someone who understood his love for his vacuum and his love for his carpet. He was wrong; he had been betrayed by one of his own kind.
"Jack! You have betrayed me!"
"Hey, I'm Maiko. I'm here to offer you happiness, that means no more betrayal from your own kind, and lots of soda. Sleep on it. Okay, sleep over, what's your answer? Yes? Good. Let's go!"
Without even thinking of what Alex had to say, Maiko dragged him off to the land far away where the fates of Alex and Artemis rests in her hand.
(Contains material from The Lost Colony. Do not read if you do not wish to know spoilers)
"Butler, does this suit make my butt look big?"
"..."
"Butler, does this tie make me look fat?"
"..."
"Butler, does this watch clash with my shoes?"
"..."
"Well Butler, are you going to answer me or not? By the way, do you think this strand of hair looks funny?"
"FOR GOODNESS SAKES ARTEMIS! I'M TRYING TO READ A DANG NEWSPAPER HERE!"
"Well fine! Hmph! I just asked a simple favor and you had to get all defensive like that!"
Behold, the life of an average, modern, and perfectly normal-eh, screw that thought.
Every morning, Artemis would wake up and start inquiring about how well his outfit matched, and every morning, Butler would try to read his newspaper. Like so, every morning, Artemis would get yelled at. This was perfectly normal, but no had gotten used to it yet. It started after three years of his disappearance, he came home with a hazel eye, then he made Butler shave! The nerves of kids these day!
Artemis then stomped off to find someone else to bother, simple right? He had the twins, his parents, Juliette, Holly, Foaly, and many other magical friends.
"All I asked was a simple question, what did I ever do to the world?"
"You really want to know, Arty boy?"
Artemis turned toward the voice. He was in shock, how long had it been since he last encountered an intruder without Butler?
"Wh-who are you?" He asked the girl in a shaky voice.
"Qui? Moi? Je m'appelle Maiko. Tu as Artemis Fowl, vrais?"
Whoa Nelly, the girl speaks French. A wonder don't you think? Arty hadn't spoken French since he had that friendly chat with Minerva, which happened to be yesterday.
"Speak English, it's hard to think when you're in shock!"
"My boy, don't eat it if you don't know what it does to your brain. I've told people so many times to stay away from blueberries but did they believe me? No. Now, let me get to the point, I am here to offer you happiness. That means, no more yelling from Butler, and more criminal mastermind plotting. You have three choices: A) Yes, and B) Yes, and C) All of the above. Which one do you want?"
"No more yelling Butler?"
"Nope, none, nada, nein."
"Hm...I'll go with choice...C) All of the above."
"Congratulations! You have just won the million dollar question! You get a choice between a trip to London, and a trip to London! And a trip to London it is!"
...TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER
Maiko's note: Alrighty, edited chapter. Now I'm off to delete the other one!