If you have not read Another then this story won't make much sense. Please read Another before reading this story. This story contains a lemon, a darker one too. If you're not old enough please don't read. Thank you and enjoy.
I don't own Yami no Matsuei or the Producers (don't ask).
A rather loud "What!" could be heard throughout the office.
Tatsumi was pissed. "Tsuzuki are you serious?" Tatsumi asked.
Tsuzuki, Hisoka, and Hiroo had just returned from Hiroo's first mission, with some disturbing news.
"Yes. It went against my better judgment to let him go but… I figured you would be able to find some more appropriate punishment." Tsuzuki replied with a knowing smile.
Tatsumi smirked. "I suppose you are right there. Now then Tsuzuki, Kurosaki, you may both leave and go back to your office. Hiroo, you're with me."
Tsuzuki and Hisoka left. It was true that Tatsumi would be able to come up with a punishment ten times worse than any either of them could.
That was the last time they saw Hiroo….
(What happened to him? you ask. Only I know. : p )
A few months later…
-Hisoka's point of view-
Tsuzuki has been acting strange lately. It has been a few months since we've gotten together and things have been going along great, or so I thought.
He has taken it slow, as to not frighten me off, but lately, something has been different. His touches are fiercer and it's as if he's trying to suppress something. I'm not sure what it is. He should know by now that I'm not going to leave him, but I do appreciate it. I've never experienced this kind of love before, and it's rather frightening to me, but it's nothing I can't handle. There have been dinners, movies, and all the usual things people do when they're dating. I moved into his house not too long ago and that's when he started to act strange.
I really started to notice it a few nights ago, when we were watching a movie at home.
"Tsuzuki what the heck is this?" I asked seeing a bunch of food dancing to a song called Spring Time for Hitler.
"It's The Producers; don't ask me it's on TV." He replied.
"Is there anything else on?" I ask. I mean this is a really strange movie, wasn't it some kind of Broadway musical.
"Lets see." He says, as he sits down next to me, while pulling me against him. He flips through the channels and stops on one of those movie networks. I guess it's better than dancing food and tanks.
"Is this alright?" he asks.
I nod and lean against his chest. He smiles and pulls me so I'm sitting in his lap, my back against his chest. This just happens to be one of my favorite cuddling positions. Much to contrary belief, I do enjoy cuddling. After being deprived of almost any physical affection for most of my life, I can't say what it feels like to be with someone who loves you, who isn't afraid to touch you.
We started to what the movie; it turned out to be some random scary movie. It was about some demon that terrorized the entire town and the people decided to go after the demon. Tsuzuki was hiding behind me for more than half the movie. It wasn't that scary, but it doesn't take much to scare him. The movie finally ends with the demon being destroyed and life returns to the way it was before the attacks.
The credits begin to play and Tsuzuki tightens his hold on me.
I turn around and look at him.
"Tsuzuki what's wrong?" I ask.
He looks up at me and I can see that he has been crying. I think I know why now, the movie and his past, he's in a lot of pain right now.
I lean forward and embrace him; he clings to me trying to hide against me.
"Tsuzuki you are nothing like the demon in the movie. For one thing you aren't a demon. Two, you would never do anything like that, you would never hurt anyone." I tell him.
"How do you know that? I might hurt someone, or you. What if I hurt you?" he looks at me with tears running down his cheeks.
I'm not sure what brought this on, it couldn't have been the just the movie. I pull away for a moment.
"Tsuzuki what's wrong? I know something more than this movie is bothering you. Please tell me."
"It's just…" he started. I waited and then he continued "…what if I hurt you? What if that demon inside me comes out and I can't control it? If something were to happen to you…"
So that's it. "Tsuzuki, I know you would never hurt me. Alright? You don't have a demon living within you, you're human. You always have been human and will always be a human, understand?" I say.
"But…" he starts but I silence him with a chastise kiss. That worked rather well.
It takes a moment for Tsuzuki to respond. I slowly feel his hands wrap around me, pulling me closer. He deepens the kiss, and I can't help but let out a little moan. That's when I feel it, this strange thing touching my leg. I look down and see; well I see… this is awkward… Tsuzuki looks down and realizes what's going on, and looks up at me. In all honesty I can't seem to stop looking… What! Anyone would have too if they were in my position, right? Right.
Tsuzuki doesn't seem to notice as the kiss increases, trailing over and own my neck. To be honest I started to forget, until he rubbed against me. He doesn't seem to want to stop and I have to push him away. He increases his hold on me as I start to struggle. I finally manage to pull away, and I'm greeted by the sight of his member once again. Tsuzuki notices then too, and his mood seems to change. His once darkened eyes, seem to open, and the Tsuzuki I know is back. But did he really ever leave? I can't help but wonder. Tsuzuki abruptly stands up, after moving me from his lap.
He doesn't look at me.
"Sorry bout that 'Soka'. I'm going to bed now." He said and left the room.
I was confused, shocked, hurt. Did I really want to keep going? I'm not sure. Why did he turn away? Why didn't he say anything? And why does it hurt so badly? I don't know. I don't know.
Since then Tsuzuki has been acting very distant. But at the same time he's always there. I was talking to Watari about something earlier today, and Tsuzuki came up as if to distract us. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a brief kiss. I'm still new to the whole public physical affection, but this just seemed odd to me. He then gave Watari a look, I'm not exactly sure what it was since, Tsuzuki had just kissed me, but I knew he did something. That kind of thing has been happening a lot lately, whenever I talk to anyone. I don't know how to confront him about it but, I have to right? Tonight. That's when I'll talk to him about it. Tonight. I hope…
-Tsuzuki's point of view-
Today lasted forever… It was sooo boring. Why does Tatsumi have to be so mean and make me do all that paperwork? So it was due last week, I was going to get it done eventually.
Hisoka left work early. I wonder why. Maybe he's mad at me because of what happened the other night. I really didn't mean to let that happen, it just did. He was sitting in my lap for crying out loud! And we were kissing! How would anyone act if they had Hisoka for a lover. How could anyone resist that? Honestly. I left right after I noticed. I guess he's still mad. I know he's not ready for something like that but I can't help but want to something like that with him. We're lovers right, that's the kind of thing lovers do. I know he's not ready, and I don't want to push him. He can't possible want that because of everything that happened with Muraki and then recently Hiroo. I wonder what Tatsumi ended up doing to that bastard. I wish I knew…
Anyway, I hope Hisoka is alright. I just don't want to scare him, that's all. I'll wait. I'll wait until he's ready; I'm not going to force him. No, I would never do that. No, but what if he wants to leave me now. Maybe he's found someone else, he was talking to Watari earlier, what… NO, that would never happen…
Wow. I'm back home already, that was fast. I hope Hisoka is here. I take out my key and unlock the door to our apartment. I open the door and notice that it smells good. Hisoka's cooking yea! I love his food; he's really good at it. Sometimes I have to beg for him to cook, but yea he's cooking!
I take off my shoes and head into the kitchen. Hisoka is standing there making something that smells really good in a skillet. I walk over to him and place my head on his shoulder, while I look at what he's cooking.
"Tsuzuki, it's hard to cook with a weight on my shoulder." He says.
I take my head off and move beside him. "It smells really good." I say.
"Thanks. It'll be done in a minute you can sit down." He replies.
I don't move.
"Tsuzuki…" he says turning around, but I don't let him continue. I lean over and give him a passionate kiss, before going over and sitting down. He's left standing there. I smirk to myself. I can't help but love it when he's all confused like that.
He recovers and continues to cook dinner, but I wonder why he's acting cold all of a sudden. Is he really still mad at me? I hope not, I hope not…
"Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki!" he says bringing me out of my thoughts. I look up at him.
"You dinner is ready." He says, placing a plate down in front of me. I inhale it. It really was good. I offer to do the dishes, which he agrees to, going to sit in the living room. I clear the table and wash the dishes.
"Tsuzuki?" he calls.
"Yes. What is it?" I reply.
"When you're done, will you come here for a moment?" he asks, kind of quietly.
"Sure!" I reply. I wonder what it is. Did something happen? Maybe he's going to leave me because of the other night. Maybe I scared him away, maybe he's scared of me. That must be it, it has to be it, but I can't let that happen. I won't let him leave me, no. I told him that I would never let him go and I mean it, he's not leaving, ever. I won't let that happen.
I quickly finish up and head out into the living room. He's sitting in a chair, and I sit down on the couch.
"What is it Hisoka?" I ask.
He was looking down at his knees, when he raises his head to stare at me. I know that look, he's searching me.
"Tsuzuki, you've been acting strange lately. What's going on?" he asks.
I don't know what to say besides my usual response. "Nothing Hisoka, nothing. Why do you think?"
"Tsuzuki don't lie to me, I'm an empath remember. Since a few nights ago, you've been distant. You've also been acting strange at work. I want to know what's going on."
What am I suppose to say? What does he want me to say? Does he want to know what I want, how I want him? Can he possibly know what he's asking?
"It's nothing for you to worry about Hisoka. I've just been thinking lately that's all…"
Maybe I choose my words wrong, because he looks hurt. I want to say something but he turns away.
"It's alright…" he whispers. "I understand if you want to leave or find someone else."
WHAT! Where the hell did that come from!
"No Hisoka, that's not it at all." I try to tell him more but he cuts me off.
"Don't lie to me. I know that you're upset. I knew you were when you turned away from me that night. It's fine. I you want to leave you can, but I can't stand this anymore. I won't force you to be here, when you obviously don't want to." He says.
I stand up and go over to him. I grasp his arm and pull him into an embrace. He's crying…
"It's alright Hisoka. I'm not going to leave you. I never will. I told you I wouldn't." I mummer against his hair.
"No. If you don't to be with me, I won't force you. Don't feel that you have to stay with me if you don't want to, if there's someone else..."
"Hisoka I love you. I want to stay with you. I don't want anyone else. I want you! And Only You!" I say as I lean down and kiss him passionately.
He's shocked for a moment, but then he responds as tears continue to fall. I pull back and kiss each and every tear away, even as they continue to come. I'm not sure why he's crying or if he even knows. Whether they're tears of relief or hurt I don't really care as long as Hisoka is here with me.
I pull back again and look at him. The tears seem to sparkle as they leave wet tracks behind. His skin is slightly flushed from the crying. His eyes are so open and vulnerable. He looks so innocent, which he is. Hisoka is innocent, innocent and vulnerable.
"Tsuzuki…" he starts.
I don't let him finish. I lean down and begin kissing him once again. He begins to respond, so I deepen the kiss. I back him up so he's against the wall. I pin him there. Even if he's afraid or wants to leave he won't he never will. I pull away long enough to say…
"Even if you don't like what I say or do and want to leave me, I won't let you. You won't leave me, I couldn't handle it if you did, so you won't. You're mine now and I won't give you up."
"I'm not going to leave Tsuzuki, what's going on Tsuzuki? Please tell me."
"Hisoka…" I hesitate. "I want you. I want you in a way you're probably not ready for yet."
"I want you. It's all I can think about sometimes, and I know I have to wait. I know you can't possibly be ready for something like that, so I'm sorry. The other night, I almost lost control of myself, and if I did…but I need it Hisoka. I need you. Please…"
I'm not sure what else to say. "Please…" and I capture his mouth once more. I gather both his arms in my one hand and hold them over his head, giving me better access to that neck. I press a few gentle kisses before biting down. He lets out a small yelp and I lick at the bite mark. I continue to alternate between biting and licking. It's when I feel him temble that I pull away for a moment. I look down at him. His eyes are closed, and a few tears are forming, but it brings something within me out, something I had been trying to hide.
"Hisoka. Do you know what you do to me? How many days I have dreamed of having you? I can't wait any longer, do you understand? I just can't I need you now."
"I understand" he says. "But I'm not sure I'm ready for something like that." he says looking down.
I grab hold of his chin and bring it up that it's facing me.
"Hisoka, I can't stop now. I can't. I won't hurt you, but please, I need this Hisoka." I say removing his shirt. I quickly lean down and begin to plant kisses across his chest. At this point I can't tell if he's trembling out of fear or arousal.
I can here him saying something, but can't make it out. I stop, moving up so my ear is near his mouth.
"Please Tsuzuki. I'm not sure what I want right now. I want to be with you, I'm just not sure that I'm ready or know what to do. I don't want to disappoint you…"
"Hisoka you could never disappoint me. You've never done anything like that before, it's understandable for you to be unsure of what you're doing. But, don't worry I'll show you." I say.
I leaned down and carefully captured his lips once again. He opened as I ran my tongue over his bottom lip. I can't help but moan into the kiss as I feel his tongue caress mine.
I run my hands down his lithe back. It's so strange in a way. I've wanted this for so long and yet part of me believed this would never happen, and here we are.
I break the kiss and look at him. His eyes are closed and his face is flushed. I've never felt so aroused as I do right now. I let him feel it, all of it, all of my emotions at this very moment. My arousal, my lust, my need, my want, my desire, and my love. I love him. I really do, but I need more than that right now.
He gasps for a moment. I watch, waiting for his reaction. When he looks back at me I'm greeted with the sight of lust filled eyes. It's a rather erotic sight. I feel his hands on my shirt, and before I know it, it's gone to who cares where.
His lips are on my chest. For all his fears and insecurities he seems to know what he's doing, not to mention how incredible it feels. What was he worried about? And why am I the only one without a shirt? I thought I was going to be teaching him, oh well, this feels to good to pass up. I loose myself in the feeling of his ministrations on my chest.
I scoop him up and carry him to our bed room, the living room not being the best place for this. He can only cling to me, wrapping his arms around my neck. I lie him down on the bed before leaving over and devouring his mouth.
My hands are everywhere, memorizing every part of his body. He arches into the touch, it takes all my self-restraint not to take him then, but no, I want to have some fun first.
I trail my kisses and bites down his body until I come to his jeans. Damn those things are so tight. I wonder how he even fits in them. Anyway, they have to go. I quickly unbutton them, before they too vanish.
- 3rd person point of view-
Hisoka was afraid. He had never seen his partner like this before. The Tsuzuki he knew was never like this, not this. What had happened?
"Tsuzuki please stop." he said.
Tsuzuki looked up from Hisoka's stomach.
"I can't now. No not now Hisoka. I need you to be mine and mine alone. So that I know that no one will ever be able to take you away from me ever." Tsuzuki replied.
"Tsuzuki, I'm not going to leave you but please stop. I'm not ready for this. If you do this then I will leave."
Hisoka couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe it; Tsuzuki had hit him.
"You are not going to leave me! Never! I won't let you!"
"Tsuzuki please stop. Stop this. This isn't you."
"No. NO. NO…" Tsuzuki was lost in his own world. The last threads of his sanity were gone and there was nothing left. Hisoka's words had hurt him He couldn't live without the boy, without him Tsuzuki's life was meaningless. There was no way he was going to loose Hisoka.
Hisoka was lost in Tsuzuki's emotions. He was so lost at the time that he didn't feel a finger enter him. It hurt and he cried out.
"Stop!" but there was no reply as another finger entered him, stretching him.
"Tsuzuki, please, I don't want this. You're hurting me." he tried again, but it was no use. Tsuzuki couldn't hear Hisoka, all he could do was see him. See the Hisoka that he envisioned in sooo many of his day dreams. The one that responds and says that he loves him and wants him.
Tsuzuki continues to stretch Hisoka for a moment before replacing his fingers with his cock. He pushes in all the way and back out, without giving Hisoka a chance to adjust. Hisoka cries out in pain as tears fall from his eyes, but Tsuzuki doesn't stop. The thrusts get harder and faster as Tsuzuki continues to pump into Hisoka.
Hisoka and Tsuzuki cry out as both of them release, Tsuzuki falling on top of Hisoka. Tsuzuki Pulls out and lays beside Hisoka, that's when reality hits, and it hits hard.
"Hisoka…" Tsuzuki starts, but Hisoka turns away. "Hisoka…I'm so sorry… I don't know what happened…"
Hisoka got up off the bed and went into Tsuzuki's bathroom. Tsuzuki could hear the water being turned on, giving him a moment to reflect. He had hurt the person he loved the most. Why? Why does that always happen? And now Hisoka was going to leave hi, just like everyone lese, and he should. Hisoka deserved someone better, someone who could control himself and not hurt him.
The door opened and Hisoka stepped out. He gathered up him clothing and got dressed. He starts to leave but then hesitates at the door.
"why?" he asks turning back to Tsuzuki.
Tsuzuki is devastated by the look in those eyes. He sees the betrayal, the pain, and the total destruction there.
"I don't know Hisoka. I honestly don't know. I love you. I honestly do, but there's another part of me that wants more. I can't always control it, and I didn't tonight. I'm so, so sorry." Tsuzuki manages to say.
Hisoka nods before turning around. "I need some time Tsuzuki." he says before leaving.
Tsuzuki was left alone. He was alone again and this time maybe for good.
This took a long time to write. Hope you liked it. Please review! Please! If you want I'll continue this story. I don't know. Please Review. Okay, Thanks for reading. And don't forget the author's notes at the end.