-Author's note: Here's hoping '07 treats you guys right. Kick off what I hope is a kick ass year for everybody! I do not own Naruto, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-
Contact...HARD contact. Hard enough to send Naruto crashing to the ground on top of the person he had just run into. In his fevered running all the way from the training grounds to his destination, his apartment, the blonde had managed to not look where he was going, and plowed straight into Sakura Haruna. As is typical of such a situation, the tape he had in his hot little hand was sent tumbling to the ground a few feet away, and he found himself on top of her.
The pink-haired genin let out a surprised yelp as she was pinned under a sweaty body that no doubt had impure intentions for her. It took her about a microsecond to bring her knee up hard and fast in-between her attacker's legs, shouting, "Not today you sicko!" Eyes clenched shut as she did so, she thrust her fist up into the person's throat, effectively sending him a few feet into the air.
The genin rolled up and away, a kunai in hand as she prepared to finish off her no doubt crippled enemy. Realization began to set in when she found that it was Naruto lying on the ground, gasping for air and curled up into a ball.
"Naruto? It was only you...Why the hell don't you watch where you're going?" She snapped, pointing at him like he had done something wrong. Not that she had just castrated him with her knee, or dealt him one to the throat, no.
The blonde gurgled a weak response, trying hard not to vomit as he fought back convulsions and continued to lay there in his misery.
"Quit being such a baby, I didn't hit you that hard..." As she continued to look down at him, she began to feel something she seriously didn't like. Remorse. She was feeling bad for hurting him, especially since it had only been an accident, after all. Naruto might be an idiot, but he wouldn't ever hurt her on purpose... "I-I mean...Naruto, are you ok?" Stepping over to him and kneeling down by his side, she helped him up to a squatting position.
His face distorted with pain and confusion, he asked, "Why would you do that? I didn't mean to run into you..."
"Sorry, sorry. I thought you were...Anyway, how about...how about I take you out to dinner to apologize?" The girl looked off to the side as she asked, as if looking him in the face would make her sick. Or invoke the wrath inside of her in the form of a punch to the face.
"L-Like a da-"
And there it was. Her fist connected with Naruto's face, sending him right over onto his back.
"No, not like a date! Just as friends, because it would be rude of me not to apologize for hurting you, like that. So you want to go, or what?" It was unmistakable, her face was just a bit red. Of course, it was unmistakable only if you weren't Naruto. All he saw was a slight tinge of red telling that Sakura might be mad.
"Y-Yeah, of course! Let's go!" Jumping to his feet like he was perfectly alright, he took Sakura by the hand and started dragging her off to Ichiraku's for dinner, yapping loudly about some irrelevant thing that no one cared about, especially his not-date.
Unknown to Sakura, and forgotten by Naruto, a certain tape lay on the street, just waiting to be discovered by the first person who should walk by. Unfortunately, that person happened to be rather small, and definitely underage. More so than the blonde, himself.
Konohamaru scooped the black tape box up in his hands, looking at it like he had just won the lottery, "'Night of the Ninja, the Second Coming'! Wow, this must have all sorts of special techniques in it that are really advanced! Boss wouldn't have it if it were anything else! He, he, he, I'd better just take this and go watch it a few times..."
"Actually, you won't be taking that anywhere," A low voice muttered from the nearby shadows of an alley.
The boy instantly froze up, throwing his hands into the air.
The night was going pretty good. Naruto found that after the numbness between his legs wore off, he could walk just fine, which was something he was grateful for. Sakura hit hard, and he was concerned for his general well being for awhile. As the two sat there eating ramen, chatting about anything and everything, he realized that 'pretty good' wasn't a strong enough way to sum up their not-date. Pretty freaking good did the job a bit better.
"You know Naruto..." The blonde's company laid her chopsticks down beside her bowl, turning to give him a little smile, "You've really come a long way since the academy. I used to have a hard time just being near you, but now..."
It was with great anxiety that our hero waited for Sakura to finish her sentence. So far, the not-date had been filled with pleasant talk, laughs, smiles and metaphorical sunshine. Much to his amazement, the name 'Sasuke' had not even been mentioned. He had little doubt in his mind that she had at least thought about him, but her not speaking of him meant something, and it was a something he appreciated like hell.
"But now...I just like spending time with you, like this."
If Naruto's heart rate had gone up any higher, something in his head might have exploded, and he probably would have died. Thankfully, no such thing happened. All he managed to do was smile in response, though, because if he said anything he might have said something wrong, and that would be bad. Being quiet was better than being stupid, he decided.
Sakura picked up on this, and smiled a little wider, "You see? That's what I mean. There was a time when if I said that, you would have started running around in a circle, foaming at the mouth and asking me out on dates, and stuff. You really have grown up, Naruto."
That was when Naruto changed his mind about the whole being quiet over being stupid thing, and he opened his mouth to speak. Things were going so well, it would be more foolish of him to not try and roll with it, "Sakura-chan, actually, I was hoping you could help me with something."
His friend raised an eyebrow, but her smile had yet to fade, "Sure, Naruto. What is it?"
Sasuke Uchiha, the silent ninja skilled in the arts of ninjutsu, taijutsu, and brooding, stood at Naruto's door, leaning against the wall as he patiently waited for his teammate to get home. It had been an hour, but not having much else to do as he continually drove those around him away and made himself emotionally unavailable, he continued to wait and brood about life. Don't get it wrong, the young ninja had reason for being the way he was. Still, his social life was taking the brunt of the damage his gloomy ways brought upon himself.
He lifted his chin from his chest as he heard someone coming up the stairs. Naruto stepped up onto the second floor, rounding the corner to find none other than his male teammate waiting for him.
The two stood there for nearly ten seconds, just staring at the other. After the silence had worn out its welcome, both spoke at the same time:
"Naruto, what the hell happened to your eye?"
"Sasuke, what are YOU doing here?"
With a little laugh, Naruto brought his hand up to his swollen shut black eye, "Turns out, talking about sex really DOES make girls mad..."
"Uh, talking about what now?"
"Sex. I asked Sakura-chan if she would practice it with me so I could do it with Hinata for her birthday, and she got real mad and punched me in the face before storming off. I had to pay for the dinner, too...It was supposed to be her treat! But what are you doing at my house?"
Sasuke offered Naruto the tape, "You dropped this."
The blonde member of team seven jumped forward and grabbed the tape, his eyes wide as he realized he had left it out on the street, "Thanks, Sasuke! I can't believe I forgot all about this! It's going to teach me all I need to know about sex, and I completely forgot!" He opened up his door, and was about to slam it shut and start up the movie before he realized that Sasuke had been waiting to give that to him.
Now, he had a decision to make. He could stick his neck out and ask if Sasuke wanted to stay and watch the video with him, or he could just go about watching the movie alone. Odds were that if he asked, Sasuke would have some sort of smart ass comment ready when a simple 'no' would do it. Well...he had to at least try.
"Sasuke, you want to watch this with me?" He asked, sticking his head out and catching the attention of his sort of friend, who was already leaving.
At Naruto's words, Sasuke stopped walking, shrugging. Without a word, he spun around, and slowly entered Naruto's apartment. He would never say it, but he was glad that Naruto had asked him to stay to watch the video. He had nothing against sitting at home alone in the dark, but sometimes it was nice to do something with someone. Sometimes.
"Alright, time to learn about sex!" The blonde shouted happily, jumping up over his couch and flicking his tv on.
"To tell you the truth, I don't really know what it is, either," Sasuke admitted, "But if it made Sakura punch you, it must be...well, like anything else that comes out of your mouth."
"Hey, it was going good until I asked her! Plus, I knew it made women mad to talk about, so it was a bad idea to ask her, that was my fault. ...Wait, you don't know what sex is, either?" Naruto had the tape in his hand, and was poised to put it in the VCR.
Sasuke shook his head, "If it was important, I would know about it."
"That's what I said..." Naruto found it empowering to find himself on the same level as Sasuke. Actually, after today and all of his questioning, he probably knew more about it than his sort of friend, "But I know you have to be naked to do it."
"What? Does that mean there are going to be naked people in this movie?"
"I don't know, I guess. Whatever, let's just watch it," And with that, Naruto popped the tape in and hopped onto the couch beside Sasuke.
Several minutes of poor dialogue and crappy jazz music went by before the learning process began. The jazz music intensified as the woman eased slid out of the top half of her kimono, revealing herself to the man before her.
"What the hell?" Sasuke couldn't help but ask, "Are you sure this is the tape Kakashi-sensei gave you?"
"Y-Yeah, remember, you're supposed to do sex naked..."
Several seconds of kissing ensued, followed by what can only be described as traumatization.
"Where the hell is her penis?" Sasuke shouted, gawking at the screen.
"Anko didn't have one, either! I thought she had just been tortured, or something! Oh my God..." The blonde's eyes were huge, and his pupils were tiny.
"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the...What's he about to do?" The young Uchiha found himself tilting his head a little to try and figure out what was going on.
Naruto's head was tilted, too. They both tilted their heads a little more. ...And a little more. ...A little more.
"WHAT? THAT'S WHAT THAT HAPPENS FOR?" Naruto shouted, blood spraying from his nose.
Sasuke leaned over the edge of the couch, vomiting up everything he had eaten in the recent past.
As the video drew to an end, the two young men continued to stare at the static-filled screen, wide-eyed and trembling.
"Kunais were not made for that," Sasuke whimpered, bringing his knees up to his chin and wrapping his arms around them.
Naruto nodded very slightly, but it was so little that it was hardly noticeable at all, "I asked Sakura-chan to do that with me..."
Still shaking a little, Sasuke muttered, "You sick bastard..."
"I AM a sick bastard...So THAT'S how babies are made...holy crap..."
"Wait, what?" Sasuke's eyes widened a little, "That's how they get in there? Through that?" He looked down at himself, praying to God Naruto was kidding.
"I think so. At least we know we can't get pregnant, now. That's good."
"You're telling me I have to do THAT to revive my clan? Are you kidding me? I-I...ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick again..." Sasuke made his way to the bathroom, staggering into the wall as he did.
"Does that mean you're not gonna do it? You're just gonna forget about reviving your clan?" Naruto called after his bathroom-bound friend.
"No way! Now that I know what I have to do, I can...do..." He was cut off by more vomiting, but at least this found its way into the toilet.
Naruto was a little worried, himself. Hinata wanted him to do THAT? To her? More than half the time it looked like it hurt. Both young men had some serious self-reflection to do before they decided on giving anything of the sort as a present or reviving any clan. Serious self-reflection.
-Author's other note: Ugh, upped to 'M'. I make myself sick. This is the point where the story becomes open ended, meaning suggestions are welcomed and encouraged. Truth be told, I didn't think anyone would really care about this story which means the plot is kind of thin. I'm gonna have to take a breather to think this one through some. Thank you very much for the reviews, by the way. The support shown tells me I should put more effort into this...Or at least not let it suck as much as it does right now.
Thanks for reading...-