Disclaimers: Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon own it all.

Reviews: Welcomed and appreciated

This takes place about 6 months after Serenity. I like the idea of a gentler Jayne this time out, let me know if you like him too

Rated for language and sexual situations

Jayne closed his eyes and felt the lump in his chest fall down to his stomach. What in the gorram hell was he doing? He shook his head and entered the companions' shuttle. Inara looked up and graced the mercenary with a small, sad smile. "You came?"

"Ya thunk I wouldn't?" He took a deep breath. "What 'cha doin' Nara?" Jayne began to remove his boots.

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, whatever I'm doing it would appear I'm doing it with you." She shed her silk robe, letting it pool to the ground in a riot of color.

"You know what I mean." Jayne had discarded the rest of his clothes and stood unashamed at the foot of her bed. "Okay then, why are we doin' this?"

"I would've thought it would be apparent even to you. Sex Jayne, we are doing sex. I have needs." She pulled back the gold flecked bed cover exposing the deep burgundy satin sheets and shrugged. "I make the act a ritual of pleasure for my clients but they rarely find the need to return the effort. And you, well, we've been on the outer rim for a month longer than anyone should be and I know you have your needs as well."

"I take care of myself jus' fine. I'm not about to turn down a bit of trim but I'm still not sure…"

"Jayne, don't think just come here." She lay on her sheets and beckoned the large man, feeling her pulse quicken as she anticipated the next few hours with him. Despite his reputation Jayne had turned out to be quite the generous lover and as strange as their last three meetings had been they had also been just as satisfying. She could tell by the look on his face that their secret meetings would soon be coming to an end. She inwardly shrugged.

He came to her, his doubts quickly being replaced with the sexual need that filled him. Since Miranda the word 'right' seemed to color his vocabulary a bit more often than he was really comfortable with, but there it was and he couldn't seem to fight it anymore. And try as he might, nothing he could say or do could make this feel right to him. But in the end, his John Thomas ran the show. This time. Jayne gave Inara an almost feral grin as he knelt down and pulled her legs to the end of the bed to lift them over his shoulders. This was the last time for him and he wanted to make sure she got the ride of her life. Inara shivered in anticipation, knowing what the hulking mercenary was going to do to her and arched her back as he began.

Jayne finished dressing and was searching for his boot. "You know 'Nara, why don't 'cha jus' tell Mal how ya feel? He feels the same way, it's plain to everyone but him. You could be in here fuckin' his brains out 'steada settlin' for the likes a me." He rose triumphant holding his boot in the air. "Found it!" He sat on the edge of the bed and looked back at the companion. "Jus' stop the whorin' and tell him and Mal'll come 'round."

She squinted at the large man. "You underestimate yourself Jayne. As far as lovers go, you rate very high in the category of satisfaction. Even if you won't kiss, you have a very talented mouth. As for Mal, well that really isn't any of your business." She turned back to her mirror. "And really Jayne, you should take your own advice and let River know how you feel about her. It's obvious to anyone with half a brain. Not that any of the men aboard Serenity have half a brain between them."

Jayne hung his head. "I ain't nearly good enough for her 'Nara and you know it."

"Oh, but you're good enough for me?" She raised an eyebrow, a bit of laughter in her voice.

"We's jus' fuckin' 'Nara. With Riv, well, even though she got screwed by the Alliance and even though she's a core bred girl…well she ain't worldly. She's a virgin and all. It ain't right for some old hwun dan (bastard) like me to be thinkin' of her in that way. Jus' ain't right."

"We're in the black Jayne, right is a relative word." Inara saw Jayne's confusion at her remark. "There's right and there's wrong. You and River wouldn't be wrong. You want it and by the way she looks at you, so does she."

"Too complicated 'Nara. And River don't be needin' no more complications." He rose and went to her. "I won't be comin' back 'Nara. I 'preciate what you done for me but…" His voice faltered.

"It just ain't right?" She smiled.

"Jus' ain't right. I got no reason to think River and me could ever be anything, but I can't be disrespectin' her no more by doin' this. Dong ma?"

"Understood Jayne." She opened her door and looked back and forth. "It's safe. Take care Jayne Cobb. And never fear, I won't let on to anyone just how 'right' you are." She leaned up and kissed his cheek as he jumped at her action causing the sad smile to reappear on the companions face. "Don't worry Jayne, it wasn't on the lips."

Jayne frowned. "Ya know, I miss that smile, the other one of yours. The happy one."

"So do I Jayne, so do I."

Jayne lowered himself into his bunk and locked the hatch. He felt…what? he thought to himself. Just what am I feelin'? What the hell was I doin', he thought to himself? He was never a man for deep thought. He acted and he reacted. The things he felt were all of the physical, hunger, tired, horny. Period. But since Miranda, since Wash, since Book. Since River. Everything had changed for him. He felt. And he thought. Otherwise he wouldn't feel so damn guilty for bangin' the damn companion. And he'da keep bangin' her 'til she said no. He looked at his face in the mirror and shook his head. He was never a man to care two shits about bein' too clean, but right now he felt the need to be. He smelled like sex and he couldn't stand it. He smelled like her and he shouldn't. He kicked off his boots and reached for a clean pair of boxers and t-shirt and headed to the showers. He had to get her smell off of himself. Now.

Jayne used the hottest water he could stand and felt the tears prickling behind his eyes. He hated this, he hated that Book died, he hated that he missed the Shepard everyday. And he missed Wash. His heart bled for Zoe. But more than all that, more than the mourning for his fallen shipmates was the mourning for his old self. The Jayne who didn't give a rat's ass about anything as long as he came out of it on top. And if things didn't change soon he knew he was going to have to leave Serenity. The ache was too big and if it didn't start getting' smaller, or at the very least if it didn't stop hurtin' almost all the time he'd have to find a new place. The only time he felt even slightly at peace, the only time he didn't ache was when he was out on a job with River. River…'Nara was right, he had feelings for the girl but he knew he shouldn't, she was too good for him. Even when she was crazy…too damn good and too damn pure. He shook his head as he tried to let the water wash away the thoughts. Wash away his sins. Sins, just when in the gorram hell did he pick up that idea?

He was surprised to hear the outer door open, it was close to 4am and the ship should be asleep for a few more hours. Mal had the bridge tonight and he'd be nappin' for sure. He popped his head out of the shower door and yelled. "I'm in here, out in five." Jayne quickly soaped up and put his head under the spray. He jumped when he heard the shower door open. "Hey, told you…" He turned towards the door to find a naked River smiling at him.

"You are right Jayne, you do think too much. Need to get back to the doing. I may be pure in certain actions," she rolled her eyes at the word, "but good?" She stepped into the shower and took the soap from Jayne's hand. "Close your mouth, too much soapy water getting in." She giggled.

Finally finding his voice, Jayne croaked, "River, what the gorram hell you doing in here? What the gorram hell you doin' period?" As shocked as he was he couldn't keep his body from reacting to her nakedness. He reminded himself that he wasn't good enough for her but all he could seem to do was stare at the rounded firm breasts she was soapin' up.

"You called me, you've been calling me for months but you keep trying to deny it. And that just isn't my Jayne. My Jayne never denies what he wants. And we both know you want me." She took her soapy hands and began to make circles on his chest, moving down to his stomach and then around to his firm back side. "Mmmm, feels good."

Jayne eyes rolled back in his head as he allowed himself be taken over by the sensation of River's hands on his body. He groaned and pulled her wrists up to his chest. "Girl, you gotta stop this 'fore it goes too far."

"Silly boob." She smiled up at him. "I want it to go as far as it can. I think I've waited long enough Jayne. You tried to drown me in Inara's juices, but I didn't go away. So now I'm ready and I think you are too."

"Baby girl, this ain't right, not now, not after…" He couldn't bring himself to tell her what he'd been up to and with whom.

She put her finger over his lips. "It's all over, you ended it because you knew she wasn't who you should be with. You need to be with the girl of your dreams, with me. I know it and so do you. Now you have to accept the inevitability of us, my Jayne." There was a knock at the door causing both River and Jayne to jump.

"River? Are you in there mei mei?" There was concern and a little fear in the doctor's voice.

"Yes I am Simon." She rolled her eyes at Jayne. "He's such a handful." She whispered to Jayne.

"Are you alright? Do you need me River? Do you need a smoother?" He tried to keep his voice calm. It had been months since she needed any medication and to be honest Simon was waiting for the other boot to drop.

"I'm fine Simon. Just woke up in a sweat and needed to cool off. You can go back to Kaylee now." He voice sounded as if she were talking to a child and her hands keep moving over Jayne, causing a sweet agony he had never even dreamed of.

"Okay mei mei, if you're sure. I could wait 'til you come out and we could talk."

"Go back to bed Simon. I'm fine. You have to stop worrying." She moved in closer to Jayne, rubbing her breasts along his chest, her hands moving down, lathering him, causing him to grow longer and thicker with each stoke. Jayne bit down on his lip to stop the moan that threatened to spill out. River smiled as she allowed her hands to continue their exploration of the big man's anatomy.

"Baby, you're killin' me." He whispered.

"How much longer will you be River?" Simon continued to stare at the door.

"Please Simon, just let me be. I promise you, I am fine. She just needs a nice cool shower. Now, leave!" Her voice held the irritation she was beginning to feel for her brother.

"Alright mei mei, but if you need me…"

"Just go back to Kaylee!" She waited a few seconds. "He's gone. Now," she gave all her attention back to Jayne as she moved in even closer, "what can we do in a shower stall?"

Jayne groaned and pushed her back to arms length. "We ain't doin' nothin' in this shower stall tonight. I don't know what's got into ya, but… but…now just ain't the time." He took her chin in his hand and looked deeply into her eyes. "I want you River girl, more 'n I ever wanted anything, but it's gotta be right. Dong ma?"

"Dong ma." She suddenly became hesitant, her bravado suddenly being overshadowed by her insecurities. "But you won't be going back to her, will you?" Her eyes were large and unsure.

"Oh baby girl." He pulled her body into his arms. "I shuda never gone to her in the first place. Knew it weren't right, but…"

"A man's got needs." She did a perfect imitation of the big mercenary. "We won't speak of it again. I shouldn't have spoken of it now, but…jealousy and fear won over my intuition. I know you don't love her and I know Inara doesn't love you. I can be a silly girl." Her eyes were downcast.

He took the soap from her and ran it down her smooth back. "Ummm, silly and gorram sexy." He followed the path she had made on his body, lathering her up and moaning at the sounds she made. "You bes' be gettin' outta here 'fore I sex ya where ya stand."

"Yes, please." She groaned as she ground her hips into him reveling in the feel of his hardness on her stomach.

"Outta here!" He turned her and lightly slapped her bare bottom, fighting the urge to bend her over and take right there. That's what he would've done, back before Miranda, but now…now he knew he wanted River for more than piece of trim, he wanted her for good. It were hard bein' good, but he owed it to her. And he owed it to the Shepard. Ifn' he were gonna avoid that special hell he'd have to wait 'til it were right.