Author's Note: Welcome to my first posted story. This first chapter is a bit off color but I feel relatively confident that someone out there will like it. I promise the chapters to come won't be as crazy and out there. Well, sort of. Please read and review and tell me if it's going okay.

-Disclaimer: I wish I owned everything.-

Chapter 1: The Spider Called Sue

It was about 4 am on a Thursday morning when Pietro Maximoff awoke and decided that the kitchen desperately needed to be cleaned, and he was the only one with enough determination to do it. There were filthy plates, cups and utensils strewn all around the sink, some so old that crust was beginning to form in the corners, taking a life of its own. This was all because of Freddy and Todd's eating contest the night prior. Poor Todd hadn't even stood a chance, bless his soul… The table and refrigerator were knocked on their sides, two of the chairs were broken in half, and one was missing in action.

It was all very depressing to look at, and Pietro started working right away, after he found his apron, his gloves, and bandana to tie around his head to protect his lovely hair. And of course, those who had created the mess in the first place paid no mind to Pietro's cleaning frenzy, as they were used to this sort of thing happening with him. It was what happened when one lived with an obsessive compulsive perfectionist who lived five times faster than any ordinary being.

"Man, I'm starving," Freddy declared, as his stomach preceded him in the doorway. "What have we got to eat in here?"

"There's nothing," Pietro snapped, tapping his foot in irritation. "Except dirt and garbage."

"Is the take out place open this early?" he asked, opening the cabinets, seeming slightly panic-stricken.

"Are you crazy?" Pietro exclaimed, turning to face him. "You ate every article of food in this house last night. That was supposed to last us for at least a week!"

"Look, I'm sorry," Freddy said good-naturedly. "I'm a big guy and I need my calories. I'll just go out for pizza or something. I'll get you some too."

"There are eukaryotic cells growing on this plate here!" Pietro yelled hysterically, as Freddy exited the kitchen. A few moments later, Todd hopped in, at a slower pace than usual. He glanced at Pietro, and then at what was left of the kitchen. And then, he hopped away. Pietro knew that he had probably gone with Freddy wherever he had gone. Freddy and Todd were nearly inseparable, like conjoined twins, like best friends. They were also the only ones aside from him who woke up at the crack of dawn, or could create such an unholy mess.

The mess in the kitchen would have taken any mere mortal over four hours to clean, but it took Pietro about fifteen minutes to finish it all. "I must be awesome or something," he said to himself, as he flopped onto the couch in the living room and grabbed the remote.

Wanda Maximoff was dreaming about a peaceful park, with little birdies and a picnic. Once, when she and Pietro were both very little, their father had taken them to Cherrystone Park, and they had sat under a big tree and had a picnic. And then a birdie in the big tree had dropped a poopy bomb onto Pietro's light hair, and he was very, very upset, and she had helped him dunk his head in the little stream nearby, and he had burst into tears because he was getting even more dirty… and then the doctor came toward her, with an injection in his hand, ready to drug her away to Never, Never Land, where she would never, never wake up.

Wanda sat up in bed, clutching her blanket to her chest to try and stop her heart from hammering so loudly in there. The boys would hear, if it didn't shut up soon. Or maybe not.

She slowly climbed out of bed, holding the blanket around her shoulders, even though it was mid-July and anything but cold outside. Crazy dreams… hers always started off sweet, and then turned into frightening images of syringes and small, dark rooms filled with fear and hate. They made no sense whatsoever.

She heard the shower turn on, and felt a frown cross her face as she proceeded to get very angry with whoever was showering, since out of the only three bathrooms in the entire Brotherhood house, it was the only one working. Fred had stopped up one of the others, and Pietro had stuffed a disgusting pair of Todd's socks down the other one's pipes. She was still amazed that he had the audacity to touch such things, but it was quite agitating that the toilet would no longer function. It was looking like they'd have to hire someone to fix it, and that was always an adventure.

Dropping her blanket to the ground, she threw open her bedroom door and stomped across the hallway to the bathroom. And she knew exactly who it was.

"Pietro," she said, in exasperation. "I have to use the bathroom."

"Well, I'm using it," he said stubbornly. "I'm taking a shower. Hold on."

"I don't feel like playing your little games, Pietro," she snapped. "Get out; I'll only be a moment."

"I'm trying to enjoy a friggin shower after cleaning all morning," Pietro yelled. "Now, go away!"

"Pietro!" she bellowed, and something made of glass exploded downstairs, followed by a shriek from Todd. "I have to go the bathroom, now!"

"Damn, do you guys get PMS at the same time or something?" Lance asked, as he exited his room to go down the stairs.

"You stay out of this!" Wanda shouted, rounding on him. "Pietro, I'm giving you one last warning—"

There was a little snort of a laugh, muffled by the noises of the shower. "I can't hear you!" Pietro said, almost taunting her. Well, this was too much, especially so relatively early in the morning.

Wanda pressed her hand to the door, and her fingertips glowed bright blue. She smirked as she heard Pietro shriek.

"Cold!" he shouted. He seemed to compose himself. "You think your little temperature changes will make me come out faster? If anything, I'll have to take longer now!"

He must have thought this was all a joke. Wanda pounded the door with her fist again, wishing just a little that she was punching him and not the door. Why was he being this way? "I'm going to hex the door down," she warned. "This is not a joke."

Hearing him snort again, she pressed her hand harder to the door, changing the water from freezing ice particles to scalding, boiling, almost fire, water.

Pietro howled, and she heard a thump, like he had fallen down.

"I'm trying to take a shower," Pietro said, sounding truly aggravated now. "Why don't you have a little patience?"

This was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Pietro!" Wanda violently kicked at the door, and it flew open like nothing, but then it slammed back shut, with Pietro pressing his wet back against it, keeping it shut. "You have three seconds before I blow this door off its hinges," she said viciously. "With you along with it."

"Well, I'm not paying for it this time," Pietro snapped.

"What exactly is going on up here?" Lance asked, sorting through a little stack of envelopes in his hand. "Do the other bathrooms not work again?"

"I'll tell Lance your middle name," Wanda threatened, ignoring Lance's question completely. "I swear I will, if you don't get your ass out this instant."

"Wanda!" Pietro exclaimed. "No! I'll tell yours!"

"What is it?" Lance asked, seeming quite entertained by the whole situation.

Suddenly, there was a high-pitched shriek from within the bathroom. The door burst open, and Pietro dashed out, almost bowling Wanda over. He scurried behind her, grabbing her shoulders and ducking behind her, as if she was a shield.

"I oughta kill you," Wanda threatened, trying to look at him, hiding behind her. "What's your problem, Pi—oh come on." She frowned at the hand towel that wasn't really covering him, a bit embarrassed for his sake. "Couldn't you dress yourself before you—"

"Sp…" he pointed to an invisible spot in front of her. "Spi… spider…"

"Spider?" Wanda repeated, interested, squinting down at the spot he was pointing at. A spider, probably about the size of her thumbnail, scurried across the floor, through Wanda's legs and in Pietro's general direction. Since when had Pietro been afraid of spiders? Pietro shrieked again, darting down the stairs in a panic. Wanda could hear Todd and Fred downstairs, laughing at Pietro's naked frenzy.

Smirking slightly, Wanda followed Pietro's trail, forgetting all about her bladder's petty needs.

"Get it, get it, get it!" Pietro cried, frantic, as the unusually quick little spider cornered him in the living room, right beside the stairs.

Fred raised his eyebrows at the tiny insect. "Is that what you're afraid of? A little spider?"

"Easy for you to say," Pietro said uneasily. "You're huge."

"Yo' I'll get it!" Todd offered, jumping up eagerly, his slimy tongue flapping out of his mouth.

"No," Fred said, seizing Todd by the back of his shirt and holding him suspended in midair. "I wanna keep him. I'll call him Sue, and we can dress him up like a—"

"Guys…" Pietro whimpered, his two hands cupped around his crotch for decency. "Cut it out and help me already!"

BLAM!

Wanda's heel smashed against the spider's body, abruptly ending its meager life. She raised her foot, frowning at the green spider guts smeared across the sole of her sock.

"Ugh…" she wrinkled her nose up with disgust, and Pietro sighed with relief.

"SUE!" Fred exclaimed mournfully, dropping Toad unceremoniously to the floor and falling to his knees in grief, shaking the foundations of the house more than Lance ever could.

Wanda rolled her eyes, and then looked over to her brother, still standing against the wall, covering himself. He smiled weakly.

"You're the best sister ever," he said, to offer his apologies, his pale face bright pink from the situation.

"Don't I know it," Wanda smirked, and she poked him sharply in the chest. "Now get dressed, dammit. You don't want to scar any innocent children around here."

"Yes, ma'am I know it," he said, and saluted her, then disappeared with a whoosh of wind. Wanda sighed, and then went into the bathroom.

The day wore on. Things were almost beginning to seem normal again, when Wanda heard voices coming from Pietro's room as she passed. Mean voices.

She pressed her ear to the door, just as she had been taught not to do, and she listened.

"I refuse to do it," said Pietro. "And if you guys don't leave soon, I'll tell him about your movies, Remy, and Johnny's books."

There was a gasp. "I never did anything to you!" cried a voice with a thick accent. "Why do you always have to—"

"We're just doing business, Pietro," interrupted a lower voice. "There's no need to bring anyone's personal lives into anything. We've done our job, haven't we? We've told you that if you don't allow her to go, then some bad things are going to happen to the both of you. And that's that."

"Why can't he just leave us alone?" Pietro asked quietly.

"Well, he doesn't want you," said the low voice. "He only wants her, and I have a feeling, he won't rest till he gets her. He knows how great her powers are…"

"Well, I'm pretty great, too—" Pietro complained, but the man laughed.

"I regret to inform you that he also told me to give you this," said the low voice, and Wanda heard something thump, and Pietro shout in pain. There were more thumps and scratches, and Wanda knew whoever these people were, they were beating up her brother.

She knocked the door in with her elbow, and stared up into the eyes of two strange men. One was tall, with dark hair and sunglasses. He had a long trench coat, and one fist was raised up in the air, like he had just punched something. Something like Pietro.

Then, there was a man standing by Pietro's open window, not even paying attention to anything. He had bright orangey red hair that was spiked up at odd angles, and he was flipping a lighter open and shut and open and shut with his thumb.

"Hey, get out of here!" Wanda exclaimed, and the glass in Pietro's window shattered. The red-headed man beside it cried out in surprise, and Wanda was sure one or two glass shards had nicked him. And she was glad.

"Let's go," said the dark haired, low voiced man, turning to his red headed companion. The red headed, lighter flipping guy said nothing, but followed him out. And they were gone.

"You okay, Pietro?" Wanda asked, biting her lip as she noticed that he was getting a black eye.

"I'm fine," he said, getting to his feet.

"Who were those men?" Wanda pressed. "Do you know them?"

"I've never seen them before," said Pietro, brushing past her on his way out of the room. "They must've been thieves or something."

"What were they talking about? They sounded like they knew you," Wanda said, but Pietro shook his head. He disappeared down the staircase, yelling:

"I've never even seen them!"

And Wanda stared out his broken window, noticing with a start the puddle of blood beside it.

Well. I feel all shaky and giddy now. I've started publication of my first little story! Now just so you all know, this is going to eventually be a serious JONDA. Hoo-hah! Now please review! I need all the help I can get. Yeah… REVIEW!