Kinky Jack Spicer's Stupid Ninja Plan
Awesomoisawesome doesn't own Naruto or Xiaolin Showdown
Summary: Jack is getting tired of losing all of his Xiaolin showdowns so he comes up with the best plan ever...or at least in his opinion. Get Ninjas to take down the Monks and there is only one place to go to get Shinobi these days, Konoha! Will Naruto and friends join Heylin side or will Jack screw it up. Naru/Hina Lee/Saku Rai/Kimi there probably won't be any more pairs.
Warning: If you haven't watch Xiaolin Showdown, check out some of the episodes before reading this. You don't have to but it will help. Plus I haven't seen all the episodes so I will probably start somewhere right after Chase Young shows up. This story will be somewhere in the filler arc for Naruto.
Chapter 1: Jack you idiot
Jack Spicer was having a terrible week, he had lost so many showdowns he could hardly count them all and most of his Shen Gong Wu were gone. To make matters worse Wuya wouldn't stop bitching about it. It was always "Jack you idiot" or "Jack you make me want to be a good guy" or even "How could you be this stupid!" Wuya never appreciated his artistic nature or his genius.
He was working on one of his dumbest ideas for a robot ever, the I can't believe it's not butter commercial actor bot with real I can't believe it's not butter spreading action. It wasn't his best idea but far from his worst, thought Jack as he put the final touch to it. 'Who cares anyway, those stupid monks will just destroy it.' whined Jack in his mind. But he was right, they always won and his robots always blew up. "At least Wuya isn't here!" said Jack to himself which was kind of creepy, as he went to get a pudding cup from the fridge.
There wasn't any pudding cups left, 'Damn that fat Ninja...wait Ninja...' thought Jack as he picked up a piece of cheese and started to eat it. He was getting an idea, a really good idea or at least he thought it would be a good idea.
Wuya floated back to Jack's mansion, she had to get away from the boy or she would go insane. As she appeared in the lab, Jack jumped in front of her. Now if she wasn't a ghost they would of collided, but luckily she just pass through him. He cringed and turned around, "Do you have to do that?" asked Jack in a crept out voice.
"Like I give a damn, you good for nothing little..." she was cut short by Jack as he grinned in his creepy 'I will rule the world' kind of grin. "Why are you in such a good mood?" asked Wuya, she wondered why a loser like Jack could be happy. Maybe he was planing to kill himself, she could only hope.
"Wuya, what beats a monk?" riddled Jack, he was trying to sound sage like but ended up sounding like a dumbass on a drinking binge. Wuya was getting angry with Jack, she really didn't like puzzles as much as he did.
"I don't know, you dumbass!" answered Wuya in her 'I want to kill you because your so stupid it isn't even funny anymore' voice. It was as if Jack couldn't tell what kind of mood she was in, or it might have been he didn't even care. She was a ghost, what could she do.
"A ninja beats a monk, duh!" said Jack as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Wuya just looked at him with a mixture of wonder, hatred, and pity, mostly pity. 'Is he getting stupider or is it just me.' pondered Wuya for a moment.
"We already tried that, Stupid, remember Tubbimura." Wuya was getting tired of Jack, it was pretty obvious from the tone of her voice that she didn't like him very much.
"No, I mean lets get some real Ninjas. You know Shinobi!" said Jack with a stupid grin on his face. Sure it didn't make much sense but this idea was better than most of Jack's.
"Now were are we going to get them?" Wuya hated to admit it, but she was starting to like the idea of this. Maybe for once Jack wasn't being as stupid as he seemed.
"I was chatting online with my friend, 'IHATETHEMAINFAMILY89' who said that there were Ninjas in a village called Konoha." Sure Jack didn't have very many friends but online he was quite popular. Mostly because no one could hear his annoying voice and most of the people he talks to are bad guys.
"WHAT you have a friend!" Wuya was speechless, why would anyone spend time with Jack if you don't have too. It was crazy no one would want to do that. That was probably the biggest surprise in her entire life. Even more surprising than Grand Master Dashi trapping her in the puzzle box.
"Why is it so hard to believe." Jack started to cry like he usually did and Wuya felt awkward as usually too. She hated when he cried, mostly because it was embarrassing. Now normally it wouldn't be bad if a person cried once or twice in a month or a week, but Jack cried at least five times a day. Jack was one of the most pitiful things she had ever meet.
Naruto was enjoying a bowl of ramen for breakfast while he thought about what he was going to do that day. 'Lets see...hum... I need to go to Ichiraku today, also I needed to pester Baa-chan into giving me a chance to save Sasuke-teme, maybe another stop at Ichiraku...' his thoughts were interrupted by someone knocking on the door.
There was a funny looking chunin at his door, the same one who always ran errands for Tsunade. "What the hell do you want?" it was still kind of early and Naruto didn't want to be bothered with ninja stuff just yet.
"Hokage-sama wants to see you about a mission." and with that the chunin disappeared. 'Creepy, but yes finally a mission!' thought Naruto as he ran to his room and got ready. He was out the door in a matter of moments and was running at top speed towards the Hokage tower.
Tsunade was having a bad day, and it wasn't even eleven in the morning yet. The hangover she had was killing her, she knew it wasn't a good idea to go drinking so early in the week but Naruto had pestered the hell out of her. Four damn hours of nonstop "Let me get Sasuke back" and "Your too damn old to look like that." She might of loved him dearly but at that moment she didn't like him too much.
Another problem was some idiot with goggles and a ghost were right in front of her and she didn't feel like putting up with freaks today. You would be surprised at what kind of people she has to deal with everyday.
"Hello what can I do for you?" asked Tsunade in her 'I'm the big bad Hokage' voice.
"You see...umm...We need some help..." started Jack, he didn't know where to go from there. It was difficult to ask for help when you're a bad guy. He hoped Wuya wouldn't ruin their chances to get a ninja or two. Tsunade was giving Wuya a look that obviously meant that she didn't trust the floating ghost, while Wuya was just grinning evilly.
"I see so what is your problem?" Her patience was running thin.
"Well...it's just I...I...I...need your help in helping me to gather Shen Gong Wu." answered Jack awkwardly. He was getting the 'they're the good guys' vibe from this place, and it was getting harder to ignore.
"What are Shen Gong Wu and will there be any trouble?" Tsunade thought the boy was crazy in the head and if it wasn't for the ghost floating around his head, she won't of took him seriously.
"They're magical items with great power...umm...we need to gather them up because there is an evil order of monks who are trying to get them to take over the world...yeah." said Wuya, she had a feeling that Jack would just screw this up more if he was allowed to talk.
Tsunade wasn't too sure but this might give her the chance to get rid of an annoying brat or two. "We will take your mission and that will be one thousand dollars. How long will you need them?" said Tsunade. Now normally a C-ranked mission as this was would be only five hundred but she had a feeling she could drain a few more dollars from the kid.
"WHAT! I mean of course and we'll need them for at least a few weeks?" it came out as a question instead of a answer, Jack was having a hard time figuring out how long he would need them.
"Oh I see...I hate to be the one to tell you this but it will be fifteen thousand dollars...will that be cash or credit?" you could almost see the evil glint in Tsunade's eyes, normally it would only be a five thousand dollar job but the kid looked desperate.
"Credit!" cried Wuya excitedly, Jack on the other hand looked very very sad. 'Mom and Dad are going to kill me.' thought Jack as he handed her his credit card.
"So how many Shinobi will you need?" asked a giddy Tsunade. She finally had enough money to pay her gambling debts. She might have enough left over to get some sake too. Boy was today turning into a good day for her.
"Four...yes...four." said Jack as he laughed evilly, Tsunade just join him with her own evil laugh. It was slightly creepy for Wuya but nevertheless the plan was working. Jack's plans rarely worked out this good or at all.
'Hmm...Lets see, I need to get rid of Naruto so he can go.' thought Tsunade. She then remembered the promised she had made to Hinata. The next mission Naruto went on, she would put Hinata with him. Tsunade giggled at the thought of being a match maker. 'Who next...Lee, he has been bothering me about going on a mission since his surgery...' thought Tsunade and she figured this mission seemed like a joke so he would be okay. But just in case, she would send Sakura with them. That would kill two birds with one stone, Sakura was getting annoying and bitchy.
"I've got the perfect four." Tsunade started to laughed evilly again, so Jack join her. Wuya thought they should hurry, it was getting too creepy.
"Shizune!" in came a black haired woman with a pig, a pig? Both Jack and Wuya thought, 'Why a pig of all things!' "Yes, Tsunade-sama." said Shizune and her pig made a strange sound that scared Jack greatly.
"I want you to go send someone to get Naruto, Hinata, Lee, and Sakura. Tell them it's a mission and once they get here we'll explain." Shizune teleported out of there, it shocked Jack. He was wondering how they did that. Tsunade just grinned, mostly because she would be brat free for at least a few weeks. Now all she had to do is get rid of Shizune and her no drinking on the job policy and she would have it made.
After a few minutes, the team arrived in her office. Jack, being himself, started to hit on Sakura and Hinata. The girls were crept out greatly by Jack's attempt to be charming, he wasn't that good at it and his voice came out in a squeaky tone.
"Well what do we have here, two beautiful ladies." said Jack as he attempted to kiss their hands. Of course Naruto and Lee would have non of that. Lee grabbed Sakura and Naruto grabbed Hinata, they both pulled them back and held them closely. Sakura blushed deeply, mostly because she could feel Lee's chiseled chest. Hinata blushed her normal color and almost fainted, she loved being this close to Naruto.
"YOU STAY AWAY FROM THEM!" screamed both male shinobi, this scared the evil lad. So he hide behind his chair, they were all embarrassed for him. Wuya was used to it and just shook her head.
Lee let go of Sakura, but Naruto didn't let go of Hinata. He really liked the feeling of her pressing against him. Ever since the Sasuke mission, he had sort of developed a crush on the Hyuuga heir. He had given up on Sakura and started to see Hinata in a new light. Also because he was so blind, he didn't know about Hinata's crush on him. 'Squishy...' was all Naruto could think as he felt Hinata's breast press against him.
"Lets get down to business." said Tsunade who was watching Naruto and Hinata, Sakura also saw this and join her teacher in a good giggle. It took Naruto and Hinata awhile before they realized what they were giggling about, they jumped apart with deep blushes on their faces.
"This is a C-rank mission, you guys will help Jack Spicer here collect Shen Gong Wu." said Tsunade. Different thoughts were going through each head.
'What are Shen Gong Wu?' thought Lee.
'What the hell is wrong with that freak?' thought Sakura.
'Why is Naruto blushing?' thought Hinata.
'GHOST!' thought and squeaked Naruto as he jumped behind Hinata.
"By the look on your faces I guess you all are wondering what's going on and to be honest with you I have no idea ether. I really don't give a damn." said Tsunade who was just staring at Jack and Wuya. Jack knew that he needed to tell them the whole story but didn't want them to think they were the bad guys. Wuya picked up what Jack was thinking about and started to tell them the history about the Shen Gong Wu, she of course switched places with Grand Master Dashi.
After the story, Naruto had calmed down and was standing next to everyone. It was obvious each had a different opinion about the story they just heard. Lee was promising to himself that he would help them no matter what, Naruto was excited to hear how powerful the Shen Gong Wu's were, Hinata was thinking how brave and heroic Wuya and Jack were, and finally Sakura had some doubt about the tall tale. It was painfully obvious that they were hiding something but she knew she would be the only one to notice. Hinata was too trusting, Lee was too gullible and Naruto was just too stupid to get it. She also knew that she wouldn't be able to count on Tsunade because Tsunade was too busy daydreaming to care.
"I guess we should be going then..." Jack really wanted to get away from the scary ninjas as fast as possible, plus villains never wasted time. It was in the rule book for evil world-taking-over villains and politicians.
"Yosh...where are we going?" Lee was about to get excited but he didn't know where they were going.
"To my evil laboratory...I mean secret headquarters yeah secret headquarters!" Damn he almost blew it, but it looked like they still believed him. Luck was on his side.
"Where's that?" asked Naruto, he hoped it was somewhere cool. Secret headquarters always were in cool places.
"Enough questions, lets just go!" screamed Wuya, every minute they wasted there, was another minute closer until they got caught. They always got caught.