8Welocme to attraction two every body! This chapter, The Doctor, Rose and Jack discover why The Doctor always has money, and exactly how 'noticed' he's become. It's probably leaning slightly towards Alterante Universe...but what can you do?
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, but I'm still trying...
Rose stared up at the big sign on the entrance to the exhibition. She glanced at The Doctor, then back at the sign, then back at him, a puzzled look on her face.
"Doctor Who Close-Up?" she asked, "What the hell is this?"
The Doctor grinned at her, "We're in The Red Dragon Centre in Cardiff, the year 2007. And this is The Doctor Who Close-Up exhibition. Tomorrow they open, but for now we have the whole place to ourselves."
"What's Doctor Who?" asked Jack, "Sounds a lot like something you'd make up."
"Remember when I said I'd been noticed on Earth?" asked The Doctor, "And you know how I always seem to have money?"
"Yeah…" Rose said suspiciously.
"Well, I've been noticed so much, they decided to make a television show out of me. Each time we visit Earth I see this fellow and he hands me the royalties. I've been doing it for ages…Isn't that cool?"
"So…" asked Rose, "There's a television show on, right now, about you and me?"
"Jack's in it too!" said The Doctor, "It's one of the longest lasting sci-fi shows ever! Right next to Stargate!"
Rose stared up at the sign again.
"Cool as!" she said, laughing, "Always wanted to be on TV!"
They proceeded under the arch into the main foyer of the exhibition. There was an empty ticket box in one corner, and a locked door in the other. With a quick flick of the wrist, The Doctor had his sonic screwdriver out and was trying to unlock the door. A fraction of a second later, there was a sharp click as the lock popped open.
"Nifty." Commented Jack "Maybe I could use one of those…"
"Better than putting up shelves, isn't it?" replied The Doctor smugly. He walked through the door, and a few seconds later there was an ear-splitting scream.
"Doctor!" shouted Rose.
"Oh my god!" shouted Jack.
They rushed into the room, panicking, only to find The Doctor standing up with his hands covering his face, eyes shut.
"What happened?" asked Rose, talking quickly, "Are you okay?"
The Doctor pointed behind her. Rose and Jack slowly turned around, stared at what The Doctor was pointing at, and then they both burst out laughing. They clutched they're stomachs and staggered around, laughing at The Doctor.
"You idiot!" shouted Rose, "I was really worried then!"
In front of them was a life-sized model Dalek, which seemed to be staring at them through it's built in camera lens. The Doctor hesitantly opened his eyes, glanced at the dead prop, then put his hands down and glared at Jack and Rose, who were still cackling together.
"It surprised me, okay?" he whined, "Stop it. It's not funny."
Rose and Jack stopped, both trying hard to suppress a torrent of giggles. The Doctor gave them another piercing glare and turned away. Jack then reached for a button next to the display and pressed it.
"Exterminate!" shouted the automated voice of the model Dalek, accompanied by a ray gun sound effect and a swish of the fake gun. The Doctor squealed, jumped and whirled around.
The pair tried even harder to suppress the laughter; both failed. They laughed even more, collapsing onto each other and laughing like crazy. The Doctor stared at the Dalek for a minute, and then turned to Rose and Jack who were still laughing loudly.
"It wasn't that funny." He mumbled, face turning red.
They moved on the main exhibition. In the first room was a gigantic cut-out with three people on it.
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Rose, pointing, "They look exactly like us!" (Funny about that)
The Doctor grinned, "I know, isn't it great? Can't remember the guys name for the life of me though."
Jack studied his look-alike cut-out, and then frowned.
"Nah." He said, "I'm way more handsome than that."
"Get over yourself!" said Rose, "I bet he's got better manners than you have."
"Well I bet he's also got a real flashy car…"
"Jack!" interrupted The Doctor, "Now is not the time."
Rose giggled, then pointed to a random object behind a glass screen.
"That's one of the shop window dummies!" she exclaimed, "From when we first met!"
"Yeah…most of the episodes are about stuff I've told them." Explained The Doctor, "You would have thought they would have had enough creativity to change the names through. Bloody Davis…"
He pointed to another display, "Look! There's Jack's sonic blaster!"
Jack frowned and walked over.
"Hey, you told me that you put it in the storage room!" he said, "No wonder I couldn't find it in there!"
"Moving on!" cried The Doctor, perhaps a little too quickly.
"What's this?" asked Jack, tapping the glass on one of the displays. This particular one showed a pig wearing a kind of space suit.
"That's from when the Slitheen crashed into Big Ben." The Doctor said, "Seems they cast the body to use as a prop."
"Huh." Commented Jack, "Your century was so creative."
"Oh, look!" shouted Rose, "It's Cassandra!"
Next to her was an extremely detailed replica of the Lady Cassandra in her weird little harness. The Doctor went over and experimentally flicked the model, which made a loud 'twang' that echoed through the hall.
"Bitchy trampoline." He said.
"You shouldn't do that!" protested Rose, "What if somebody catches us, or an alarm goes off or something?"
"Can't." said The Doctor, holding up his screwdriver, "While you two were laughing your heads off I deactivated the alarm system." he bowed, "Give the man a medal!"
Rose rolled her eyes.
Jack meanwhile, had hovered off to another section and was frowning at a screen that was playing a video diary of The Doctor's look-alike actor.
"See, I have a mixed opinion about working on Doctor Who…" the actor said, throwing his hand in the air, "But that's a long story…"
"Hey Doc!" Jack shouted, "You're doing an interview!"
The Doctor hurried over and watched the man as he answered the various questions tossed at him.
"What do they mean I only lasted one season?" he cried.
"Hey, consider yourself lucky!" said Jack bitterly, "I only get five episodes!"
"I get two seasons!" said Rose triumphantly, "I'm better than the both of you!"
"Not fair!" complained The Doctor, "I've only got three regenerations left!"
"Three what's?" asked Rose, not really paying attention.
"Never mind." Answered The Doctor, not really wanting to delve into the subject, "I want to know who plays me next!"
He whirled around and drove deeper into the exhibition. He eventually came to a cardboard cut-out of a tall, thin man with big brown hair and a smart pinstripe suit underneath a light brown jacket, hands dug in his pockets and a wide grin on his face.
"Who's this guy?" asked The Doctor reading a little biography next to the cut-out, "Doesn't even look like me! And look at that hair! Who does he think he is, trying to replace me…?"
"Come on boy!" said Rose, laying a hand on his shoulder and trying to lead him away, "Television producers never know what they are doing…you should know that."
"And he's Scottish too!" The Doctor complained, "How can a Scottish man play an English role! And my role too!"
Jack glanced at the cut-out, "I don't know Doctor…he's almost better looking than you are!"
"I want to go in!" said The Doctor, trying to wriggle out of Rose's grasp. Rose shook her head.
"No Doctor!" she said firmly, "You're always telling me not to look into my future…even if it's just a television show…" she frowned, "Hold on, who's that girl?" she pointed to a billboard with a dark skinned girl, "Who the hell is…"
Jack quickly pushed them both away.
"Now now guys." He said, "No need to go killing any future actors."
The group split up, fanning out into different parts of the exhibition. A few minutes later, Rose found The Doctor with a pair of headphones over his ears, humming.
"Whatcha listening to?" she asked. The Doctor didn't answer, so she decided to try a different tactic.
"DOCTOR!" she shouted, causing The Doctor to jump and his eyes to snap open. His gaze rested on her and he laughed, taking the headphones off.
"Sorry." he apologised, "Didn't hear you!"
"What are you listening to?" Rose asked curiously. The Doctor grinned and placed the headphones over her ears.
"Listen." He said as music filled Rose's ears.
Doctor whoooooo, hey! Doctor who! Doctor whoooooo, hey! The TARDIS!
"What on earth is this?" she asked, frowning.
"Doctorin the TARDIS." The Doctor explained, "A song written by a group called The Timelords in 1988."
"It's fantastic!" Rose said, bobbing her head and smiling, "Even if all they do is repeating the same line over and over…don't ya just love it!"
"Just wait until you take a step outside." Exclaimed The Doctor, "There are so many Doctor Who fanatics around these days they'll take one look at you and you'll be the centre of attention. Trust me; I accidentally landed in the middle of a science fiction convention once…almost killed me! Everyone wanted my autograph, and I got sixty-five proposals that day. Sixty-five! Mind you, they were all from nerdy forty year olds with thick rimmed glasses and a permanent fantasy that one day I'd have their babies…"
Rose stared at him for a second, then pointed at the headphones, "What was that?" she asked, "Didn't hear you!"
The Doctor stared at her, then rolled his eyes.
"Never mind." He said carelessly, and he walked away leaving Rose listening to the music. A few seconds later Jack turned up.
"Rose?" he asked, "Where's The Doctor? I want to show him something."
Rose blinked, then pointed to the headphones, "Can't hear ya Jack!"
Jack frowned, and then the frown turned into an evil grin.
"Hey Rose…" he said, casually putting his hands in his pockets, "Wanna, I don't know…make out some time? Neck for an hour or so? Have a few kids? Only if we call the first one Bill. Or what about adoption? It's what all the star couples are doing these days…"
Rose stared at him blankly, and then a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
"The song stopped two minutes ago." She smirked.
Jack blinked, then muttered something about The Doctor and hurried off. Rose couldn't stop laughing.
The Doctor was in his own world when Jack found him. He was staring up at a costume with a prosthetic mask on top which, to Jack, looked awfully weird. It had a human head, minus the tendrils that seemed to come from her scalp (which looked suspiciously like tree branches) and up to form a sort of hair-like mess. As he stared Jack could see something like hurt in his eyes.
"Doctor?" he asked, "You okay?"
The Doctor didn't even flinch. He stared up at the figure and sniffed.
"I'm sorry Jade." He whispered, "Sorry I wasted my time. If only I'd been quicker."
It was only then The Doctor noticed Jack. Jack coughed.
"Did you want to be alone?" he asked sympathetically, a rare thing for him. The Doctor shook his head, "No, I'm done."
He turned to him with a weak smile on his face, "So…you want me for something?"
Jack nodded. He pulled his aside and pointed at a plastic Slitheen costume. He whispered something to The Doctor, and he grinned widely.
"Yeah, okay." He said, then laughed, "Rose is going to kill us though."
"Never stopped you before." Jack commented slyly.
Rose wandered the corridors of the exhibition, wondering exactly where Jack and The Doctor had gone.
She didn't have much time to wonder, though, considering as she rounded the next corner she came face to face with a Slitheen.
"Rawr!"
Rose screamed and ran in the other direction. She could hear it following close behind her, so she rounded a corner and then quickly hid around the back of the nearest display case. She knew it wouldn't do any good, Slitheen could smell adrenalin. And boy, were her hormones pumping.
Surprisingly, it didn't come around the corner. Rose listened carefully, and then when she was sure it wasn't following she stood up and sighed.
Phew. That was…
She screamed again when she saw what was in the display case. It was the head of that thing that The Doctor had seen in Van Staten's museum. He called it a Cyberman, and it scared the shit out of her.
She shut her mouth when she'd established what it was, then remembered that a Slitheen was on her tail and that blood curdling scream had just told it where she was.
The monster in question came around the corner and spotted her. It growled. Rose thought of her options. She couldn't get out from behind the case; it would outrun her in a second. There was a wall behind her, so she couldn't go that way. She was trapped.
Bugger.
She shut her eyes and braced herself. She could hear the Slitheen laughing as it came closer…
Hold on. Slitheen don't laugh like that…
She opened her eyes. The monster's head lay discarded on the floor, and in its place was Jack's head, laughing at her. Rose blinked, and then glared at him.
"Okay, that was so not fair." She said as Jack pushed the costume down, revealing The Doctor underneath, holding him up, "That was cruel and mean and…"
"Funny?" asked Jack as he dropped off The Doctor's shoulders.
Rose glared at him harder.
"Jerk."
Jack grinned, "Always!"
Rose turned to The Doctor, "And you helped him!"
The Doctor laughed, "Come on, it was rather funny. Admit it."
Rose poked her tongue out childishly, and then stared at the costume.
"Where did you get that?" she asked, "You'd better not have taken it off the display…"
Jack and The Doctor smiled sheepishly, "Yeah…maybe we did."
"Well…" Rose pointed to it, "Put it back! Can't leave it there! People will know we were here!"
Jack rolled his eyes, "God, who's the spoil sport now?" Rose advanced on him, ready to slap, and he moved away, "Okay, fine, we'll put it back!"
He picked it up and heaved half of it onto his shoulder. The Doctor grabbed the back, and Rose carried the head, still resisting the urge to slap both of them.
Mind you, there was always later…
Rose sat down and watched, amused, as Jack and The Doctor fought to return the costume to its display position.
"Doctor." Jack grunted, "Take that side!"
"I can't!" The Doctor replied, "I drop this one and it'll fall off!"
"Then let it fall, just help me already!"
"No! I can't!"
"Rose!"
"I'm not getting into this!" Rose protested, "You got it down, you will put it back up!"
There was a clang of metal on concrete as one of the posts holding the costume up fell off the display, causing The Doctor and Jack to lose their concentration and balance. They toppled over, the crumpled Slitheen covering then and pinning them to the floor.
"Help!" shouted The Doctor and Jack from underneath the beast. Rose laughed and went over to help them out.
"How about we just leave it here!" The Doctor suggested once they had both been rescued.
"But we'll get caught!" Rose said. The Doctor grinned.
"Got some paper?" he asked. Rose frowned, then handed him a shop receipt from her pocket. The Doctor pulled a pen out of his pocket and clicked a button on its side. It began glowing blue, and The Doctor pressed it on the paper and began to write.
Sorry for the mess! I was having a late night walkabout and I had to see what it was made of…brilliant costume. Anyway, sorry for that, but I hope you'll accept this money for any damage costs.
Yours Truly,
The Doctor.
The Doctor laid the receipt on top of the limp Slitheen and placed a small wad of cash beside it. Rose frowned at him.
"What…that's it?"
The Doctor grinned again, "Those cleaners who come in the morning will have a field day. That receipt right there is going to be worth more than the most expensive diamond in the world by the time it gets on eBay."
"Why was the pen glowing?" Jack asked, completely off topic. The Doctor held it up.
"It's sonic."
"Who would want to make a…oh forget it." Jack said, waving his hand.
"What?" asked The Doctor, "Never had a few letters to write? Never had to sign a billion forms? Never had to forge a signature to get out of school?"
"Give it a rest you two!" Rose interrupted, "I'd say it's about time we left."
"Okay…" said The Doctor, throwing Jack one last disbelieving glance before heading to the TARDIS which was parked around the corner. He put the key in the lock, and was surprised when the lock didn't turn.
"Come on…" he said, "Open up!"
"Uh…Doctor." Rose tapped him on the shoulder.
"Yeah?" he asked distractedly as he pulled out his sonic screwdriver.
"The TARDIS is that way." She said, pointing behind her. The Doctor turned to her, blinked, and then looked up at the TARDIS in front of him.
"Oh." He said when he saw the sign posted above it.
Prop only. Do not touch.
"Huh." He said, "That's a first."
A few minutes later, The Doctor was back on the real TARDIS and waiting for Rose and Jack to come back from their shopping spree at the souvenir store (come on, like they were going to leave without souvenirs).
Jack was first in the door, carrying a bulging bag of stuff.
"Look what I got!" he shouted, then pulled out a box and threw it over, "The complete set of Doctor Who action figures!"
The Doctor pulled out a model of himself, and frowned.
"Looks nothing like me!" he complained, "I think they're ripping me off!"
"Mine's worse." Grumbled Jack, then his face brightened up, "But it's still awesome! Who wouldn't want an action figure of themselves?"
The Doctor rolled his eyes, "What else?"
Jack pulled out another box, "Remote controlled Dalek."
"Okay, now that is a good one." The Doctor admitted, coming over to take a look, "Sound effects and all! Oh, those old dustbins aren't going to be happy about this!"
"More where that came from!" exclaimed Jack theatrically, "The full set of key chains, TARDIS money boxes for all of us, bags, pencil cases, a sonic screwdriver…" he paused at the look on The Doctor's face, "It's one of those invisible ink things. Pretty cool, huh?"
Suddenly, Rose jumped in, a huge grin plastered on her face.
"Look what I got!" she shouted, pulling out a few bundles, "T-shirts for all!"
She handed The Doctor one, "This is for you… The Doctor opened it and grinned at the caption,
"Trust me, I'm a Doctor! Aww…thanks Rose!"
"Jack!" Rose called, "This is yours…"
Jack opened his up and a similar grin appeared on his face when he saw a picture of him alongside the caption.
"See ya in hell." He read, "I guess it works…"
Rose pulled the last one open, "And look at mine!" she opened the shirt, and both The Doctor and Jack frowned.
"What's it say?" The Doctor asked, reading the words.
Dumpa de dum, dumpa de dum, dumpa de dum, diddly dum, waaaa…
"It's the Doctor Who theme song!" Rose shouted happily, "Theme song! We have a theme song!"
Rose put the shirt back in the bag, and pulled out another box.
"Do you have any popcorn?" she asked, holding the box up. The Doctor frowned again.
"Sure…somewhere. Why?"
Rose chucked him the box, "Cos' I just bought the first twenty seven seasons of Doctor Who, including the telemovie with the Eighth Doctor. I can't believe how many different actors there are! And they made up some story about Timelords 'regenerating' to cover it up. How stupid is that?"
The Doctor laughed nervously, "Yeah. Total bull."
The Doctor excused himself and walked out of the room, muttering to himself as he went.
Hours, perhaps even days later, the group walked out of the control room with sad faces. Rose was even crying.
"That season finale was so sad…" she said, sobbing and clutching The Doctor's jacket, "Bloody Dalek Emperor…and I can't belive the DVD player exploded right before the end…"
The Doctor bit his lip.
"You don't think any of that is really going to happen, do you?" Rose asked, not noticing the gesture as she grabbed a tissue out of her pocket and sniffed.
"Nah." The Doctor shook his head, "Course not." But he knew better.
Jack rubbed his eyes, "God…we've watched way too much TV…I think a breakfast of bacon and eggs is in order!"
He glanced at The Doctor, "Hey, after this, can I decide where to go? There's this nice place I want to show you guys."
The Doctor nodded, "Sure…knock yourself out."
Jack grinned and went to prepare breakfast. Rose rubbed the tears out of her eyes and laughed.
"Look at me." She said "I'm such a sook! Let's get out something cheerful…"
She disappeared to her room and returned a second later with a CD in her hand. Grinning, she pushed it into a slot on the control panel and music began to fill the TARDIS. The Doctor and Rose grinned at each other, then began to belt out the lyrics for everyone to hear.
"DOCTOR WHOOOOOO, HEY! DOCTOR WHO! DOCTOR WHOOOOOO, HEY! THE TARDIS!"
Note: Sadly, nothing in the exhibition is real. I had hardly any information so I had to make it up as I went along. The actual exhibition IS real, but unfortunatly I will not be going unless I mysteriously win a million dollars and can afford to travel to The Red Dragon centre in Cardiff. And the song 'Doctorin the TARDIS' is also real. (I've watched the music clip...it's freaky as.)