well, this is my first lord of the rings story…and the happening of it was me and my best friend are studying fantasy literature in English class or LA, and one of the stories we're studying is the Lord of the Rings, and on the same weekend we went to her house, we had some cola at her grandmas and we watched all 3 lord of the rings vids and read a little bit of the book where the movie didn't go into much detail. The coke kicked in halfway through the first movie and I came up with the bright idea of writing this parody. And we ran it by Jesse who also helped us write it and he was laughing so hard so we deemed it fanfiction worthy. (we have seen the movies before and I have been raised reading the lord of the rings as a bedtime story so we know our stuff, we just wanted to make sure)

I'm just letting you know now, THERE ARE OCS IN THIS! We're letting you know now so you can still click off, there are no pairings with the ocs…well at least one of them. The other isn't really obvious until the very last chapter…and even then there is little going on. (feel free to pretend the ocs are you and a close friend.) the ocs purpose in this story is to make fun of everyone else and more besides! We painstakenly made sure that they weren't mary-sues.


Warnings: EXTREME OOCNESS! It is a parody after all, mild swearing…really retarded stuff that might not make sense…and bashing of pretty much all characters.

Disclaimer: We don't own lord of the rings, or any other stuff we mention

JRR Tolkien is going to be spinning in his grave right now…

Our story begins in the small town of bree, yes the town with that fat barman with a poor memory….gotta love the fat man….

Aragorn and another hooded figure were sitting in their shaded corner in the bar of the prancing pony.

"I'm starting to hate that old wizard." The person next to him spoke. The voice was feminine.

"Ssh. The hobbits are here." Aragorn whispered. They both watched the hobbits check in and order drinks.

"What on earth is that?!" Sam asked Merry.

"This my friends is a pint." Merry answered.

"It comes in pints!?" Pippin asked. "I'm gonna see if they have anything larger! Like…a gallon!" he left.

After a while frodo suddenly freaked out and then fell over, the ring flew from his hand and went in the air and landed on his finger and disappeared.

"What the fuck!? Never mind him disappearing but what are the chances of that ring landing on his finger?!" the hooded figure took a ring off her clawed finger and threw it in the air, and tried to get it to land on her finger but instead it landed on the table. "This is so going on mythbusters…"

"Jaydie…we're supposed to get Frodo now…"

Jaydie was too busy phoning mythbusters to care. Now Frodo, Aragorn and Jaydie were in a hotel room…

"Who are you guys?" Frodo asked.

"Your worst nightmare…" Jaydie muttered lifting her hood. She had dark red hair that came to her shoulders and light brown pretty much honey coloured eyes that had slits for pupils. Grey feathers poked from the top of her cloak.

"Jaydie go set up decoys in the other room." Aragorn ordered. She came back not too much later. Slowly the hobbits went into a light sleep only until Frodo, Jaydie and Aragrn were awake. Suddenly the high-pitched screams of the ringwraiths cut through the night air. All of them were alert, waiting. Aragorn gave the explanation of the Nazgul.

'Yes, I know…it means we gotta haul ass!' Jaydie thought.

The next morning they all travelled in the bushes. Jaydie had her cloak off and thus they saw the reason feathers were poking out of her hood, she had grey speckled wings and bird legs along with feathers on her upper arms and legs. She was a harpy (Baileigh requested I use this character.).

Aragorn sniffed. 'Damn this cold I have!' the hobbits stopped behind him and began to unload bill the pony. "We don't stop until night fall."

"What about breakfast?" Pippin asks.

"We've already had it."

"We've had one yes, what about 2nd breakfast?" Pippin asks. Jaydie walks past them "she's half bird isn't she?"

Jaydie turns to him "I'm 70 bird."

"Then laying eggs will be no problem." Pippin answers.


"It looks easy, all you gotta do is sit there."

"LAYING EGGS IS LIKE PULLING YOUR BOTTOM LIP OVER YOUR HEAD!" Jaydie does so. Pippin pulls his lip back down. And she stalks off.

"You're on her bad list forever." Aragorn says before walking away. He chucks apples at them. By nightfall they reach weathertop. "Whatever you do, don't light a fire."

"Unless you're blonde." Jaydie said. They both left. No sooner did they leave did they light a fire. At around midnight Nazgul attacked. Aragorn and Jaydie were discussing things when they heard Frodo yell. Aragorn grabbed a torch with one hand and his sword in the other. Jaydie was using her claws and scratching at them. They quickly drove them off after Jaydie threw one off a cliff.

"Bookity bookity bookity boys lets go flying!" Jaydie called after it. Frodo was in great agony. "ya know I could fly him to rivendell."

"I suppose it's the only option, after we get some kings foil." Aragorn said. And he went off.

After Aragorn picked some kings foil he felt a cold blade against his skin "What's this? A ranger caught off his guard?" Arwen asked.

"Jeez! Aragorn's off his guard?! Next aliens will come!" Jaydie says from above. "Hey Arwen." Arwen smiled.

"You're supposed to be guarding Frodo." Aragorn said.

"Yeah but I sensed Arwen." Jaydie answered.

They came back to the camp. "He's fading, he's not going to last." Arwen spoke.

'I thought he was getting better…" Jaydie gloomily thought.

They began to speak in Elvish "What're they saying?" Pippin asked.

"Jibberish." Jaydie answered. "I'll teach you how to read books first, then I'll teach you if want." Arwen rode off. "I wanted to fly…"

And in the end they got there a day after frodo.


Well this is only the first chapter, and we didn't do much parody stuff in here but there's more to come so don't worry! Reviews and constructive criticism are accepted, and depending on future events like if the fucking phone lines at my house are fixed or if I have some time at school then maybe the second chapter will be posted…sorry that this chapter is soo short...don't eat me...