I Swear I'll Give my Life for You

Disclaimer: I don't own Miss Saigon or Austin Powers. I just heard the song "You who I cradled in my arms" and thought "Hmmm…. Sounds like something Frau would have sung to Scott as a baby." MUAHAHA!

"Waaaaaah! Waaah!"

Frau Farbissina woke up, groaning. Newborn Scott had woken up again! "Gott in Himmel, when is that kid gonna sleep nights?" she thought as she dragged herself over to the bassinet and lifted him out. "Shhh, Scott, be quiet, Mommy's here, Mommy's got you." she whispered in German. Scott quieted down just slightly and stared up at his mother, who was by now getting a bottle out of the refrigerator. "Is Scotty hungry? Does he want to eat? Scotty does! Scotty does!" With that, she began feeding him and softly singing.

You who I cradled in my arms, you

Asking as little as you can.

Little snip of a little man.

I know I'd give my life for you.

Scott was Frau's love child with Dr. Evil, an evil doctor who ran an evil organization. Also in the organization were Mustafa and Number2, Dr. Evil's henchmen. There was also an army of other henchmen who seemed to serve no purpose. Recently, Dr. Evil had been frozen, just a few days before Frau realized she was "late." By now, the father of her child was orbiting the Earth in a giant "Big Boy Burger" mascot. So, Frau had to go through her pregnancy by herself. She was quite pissed about this. I mean, she had to do the whole Lamaze thing sans boyfriend. Finally, she went into labor. It took about 16 hours, but eventually her son was born. Everything seemed all right, until suddenly, Little Scott's heart rate raced out of control. The doctors frantically worked over him, but everyone was sure that the baby would die. Scott's heart did stop, actually, but the doctors gave him an electric shock to bring him back to life and slowed his heart with medication. It had been a close call. Too close. Frau held Scott and, crying, promised that she would never let anything happen to him, even if the cost was her own life.

You didn't ask me to be born, you

Why should you learn of war or pain?

To make sure you're not hurt again

I swear I'll give my life for you.

"Scott looks just like Herr Doktor," Frau thought as she gazed down at her sleeping infant. He had Dr. Evil's pale skin, his face, his nose, he even put his finger to his lip when he laughed. There were some differences. Scott had no scar, he had his mother's huge, dark eyes, and unlike Dr. Evil, Scott actually had hair. Herr Doktor. Frau couldn't bear to think of him. He had been her true love, and now he was gone. Scott would never know his father, unless at some point he came back, and what were the odds of that? Normally, Frau was extremely tough, seeming hard as a rock, but now she wept, knowing that she would never love another man.

I've tasted love beyond all fear.

And you should know it's love that brought you here.

Also on Frau's mind was the issue of what to tell Scott about his parentage. Sooner or later, he would want to know. Number2 had told her that she should tell Scott that he was the result of an experiment to artificially create an heir for Dr. Evil. But what child wants to know that he's "artificial?" Besides, didn't that mean she couldn't call herself his mother anymore? But then, if she told him the truth, it might hurt him. Besides which, he might be ostracized because he was born out of wedlock. She never could tell if people still did that. Then, as if it fell from the unusually bright stars, an idea came to her. She would tell him nothing! Instead, she would end it all tonight.

And in one perfect night,

When the stars burned like new,

I knew what I must do.

Frau went to her bureau and picked up the photo of her parents, Commander Mienherr Farbissina and Fraulein Farbissina. Everybody in her family was named after a title. Aside from them, she had eight siblings named Duke, Princess, King, Detektiv, President, First Lady, Queen, and Mem Sahib. She picked up the photo and began talking to it. "From this picture I keep, you, my parents look out, and your smiles show no scorn." Frau stopped, thinking that she must be going crazy. Here she was, quoting Miss Saigon, some musical Herr Doktor had named a laser beam after. The sooner she got this overwith, the better. She bid a final goodbye to her sleeping child, and left the room.

I'll give you a million things I'll never own.

I'll give you a world to conquer when you're grown.

She raced up flight after flight of stairs, headed for the roof of the building. When she got there, she would jump, and fall to her death. It would be easy. Nobody would miss her. They probably wouldn't even notice she was gone. And Scott would forget her within a few months. Her son would grow up to be who he wanted now. He could be Scott Evil, however he wanted to be the person.

You will be who you want to be, you

Can choose whatever heaven grants.

As long as you can have your chance,

I swear I'll give my life for you.

Frau reached the top of the building. She opened the trapdoor in the ceiling and climbed onto the roof. The night was young, and the stars were bright. Frau even though she could see the "Big Boy Burger" mascot floating in the distance. "HERR DOKTOR!" Frau screamed, hoping beyond hope that he would hear her in his unconscious state. But no answer came her way, and the night was lonelier than ever.

Sometimes I wake up

Reaching for him.

I feel his shadow brush my head.

But there's just moonlight on my bed.

Was he a ghost? Was he a lie

That made my body laugh and cry?

Then by my side the proof I see.

His Little One.

Gods of the Sun

Bring him to Me!

This was it. It was now or never. She had to jump. She just had to. Then, in the distance, a voice shouted.


Frau turned around and saw Number 2 panting. Scott had woken up again and cried, waking Number 2. The executive had gone into the room to see what was the matter and found that Frau was nowhere to be seen. He had heard hurried footsteps in the direction of the roof. He followed the noises and found Frau, just in time to stop her from ending her life. "Frau! You can't do this! I won't let you." Frau sobbed. "Go away, Number 2, you don't care, I know that!" "Frau, I do care. In fact, if you don't go in right now, I'll jump myself! Please. We need you. Your son needs you. I NEED YOU!" Frau sighed and came down from the roof.

Later, Frau was again holding her son. "I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have put myself in such danger. And I am even more sorry that I can no longer call myself your Mutter (German for mom). You were created in a lab, Scott. But I will always love you." She began to sing again.

You will be who you want to be, you

Can choose whatever Heaven grants.

As long as you can have your chance

I swear I'll give my life for you.

Seventeen years passed and Dr. Evil came back, but much to Frau's dismay, he and Scott did not get along. Dr. Evil got so mad at his son, eventually, that he attempted to press a button that would send Scott into the fiery pits below the lair, but Frau swatted his hand aside with her riding crop, the refrain of a faraway song playing in her mind.

No-one can stop what I must do.

I swear I'll give my life for you.