Disclaimer: I own nothing but this story itself. 'Tis a sad and cruel world. Oh, and I occasionally borrow lyrics.
Title: So I Thought
Summary: Response to Juderific's Jwest challenge.
Break. Lie. Kiss. Envy. Lie. Kiss. Fall. It was all so simple. Too bad they didn't count on the last one.
…I thought you were special…
She squeezed her eyes tightly, vision blurred, wishing away the memory emblazoned on her mind. Over and over again it played. A knife straight through her heart. She swallowed hard, and her body started to give way, her only support was her tiny, snow white hands pressed palms flat against the sound board, sharp little knobs pressing into her delicate flash, leaving purple indentations, almost drawing blood.
But she couldn't feel a thing except for the excruciating pain in her heart and body when she saw him, saw them.
His hands on her bare flesh.
Her nails digging into his exquisitely defined back.
His name escaping her lips in a breathy tone.
His kiss tainting her.
It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was supposed to want to be with her and only her. His kiss, his touch was supposed to belong to her. He was supposed to love her. A lot of things were supposed to be. But they just weren't.
And she cursed God and Cupid, and herself for believing that she could mean more to him that just a flavor of the week, and for believing in him.
Her breathing became harder and more ragged, and her legs went numb and weak, as she slid down to the floor, her hands relinquishing their support grip of the sound board, and she fell to the ground with a "thud."
She brought her knees to her chest, her upper body slouched forward, hot tears stinging her eyes, burning from the liner and three coats of mascara mixed with hot salt. One hand covered her mouth as she choked back a heavy sob, praying that no one would find her like this.
Pitifully weak and shattered, to be hide behind a façade of plastic smiles, sweet words and crystalline laughs.
Because no one knew.
No one could know.
Because he said so.
Said it would hurt them and break them. Rip them apart.
And she had said she believed him.
A scream escaped her throat, and passed through her lips only to be muffled by her hand that covered her cherry red lips, and the metallic taste of speckles of blood invaded her hot, wet mouth and she reveled in it. Because it tasted what emptiness and a broken heart should.
Subconsciously she heard the studio door open and shut, but she had hoped it was a figment of her imagination, that no one was willing to find her in her solitary confinement of despair.
Jude felt a hand on her back, tracing small circles, and saw the outline of someone crouched down below her. She couldn't bring herself to flinch at the contact of his hand on her. She welcomed it and she couldn't quite understand why, her body that had shook with violent sobs somehow calming a little.
"Jude," he whispered no attempt to hid the concern and sympathy she didn't want to her. It was already loud enough in her head.
"Po-Portia a-a-nd -" she stuttered out and he whispered "I know," and she shook her head. He sat next to her, and he brought her head to his shoulder, and ran a hand through her Barbie blonde tresses as she sobbed more than she had been willing too.
And Jude cursed herself again for believing she could ever be more than a dirty little secret to him.
And she cried the last tears she had resolved she would ever waste on Thomas Quincy.
…Gotta find a way just to make it thru. Cause I will be the death of you…
"Ugh! That stupid, god Damn lying, good-for-nothing-bastard!" Jude stomped into the studio, a force to be reckoned with, a blur with her newly dyed brilliant red hair. She slammed the door behind her and began pacing the room frantically.
"I mean who the hell does he think he is? Thinks he can come in here, tell me my songs are crap when he's just a washed up ex-boybander who desperately seeks attention from anyone that is willing to spread their legs! And- Hey are you even listening to me?" she question aggravated at his lack of attention towards her.
"Nope. Not listening to a damn thing you say," he smiled taunting her, his back still facing her, as he continued adjusting the keys on the sound board.
"Well, you're going to listen to me vent, rant, bitch and think out loud as I list off 101 ways too kill Thomas Quincy. Whether you want to or not. " she commanded placing her hands on her hips purposefully.
Kwest sighed deeply, and tried to focus on what he was doing. Key word here was "try." She was so damn distracting, whether she meant to be or not. And that was something that troubled him, deeply, especially this last month.
"Look Jude, this is what your 1,113th Tommy tirade in a month?" he mumbled quite honestly sick of listening to her go on and on about Tommy and how he was such an ass. He didn't need to be told that. He already knew that….long before she did.
Jude's hands dropped from her hips and she exhaled, a sign that she was surrendering. She pulled out the other black swivel chair, and rolled next to him, staring through the glass looking into the empty sound booth. Her elbows propped her up, as she faced her face in the palms of her hands.
"Kwest, I know you're probably sick of hearing about him and how much I loathe him," she started, "but you're all I've got in this," she confessed. "And I need you," she muttered almost under her breath, but she knew he had heard when his hand froze and stopped playing with the keys that has previously preoccupied him.
Kwest swore internally. Damn it. Jude had got to him…again. Something she did easily these last few weeks. Their friendship had grown immensely and developed into something neither had ever imagined. And Kwest was left wondering now just where his feelings for he just being platonic begun and ended.
It was something that kept him up at night.
She kept him up at night.
Thoughts of her evaded through his mind, until he wanted to bang his head into a wall.
Kind of like what he wanted to do now.
And here he sat with her.
Knowing full well that Quincy would have him drawn and quartered for even considering Jude as something more than a friend, even though Quincy had no claim to her. Not anymore
And Kwest had made that known when he punched Tommy in the face just a mere few minutes after he found Jude that night.
"I am pretty much over him, ya know?" Jude asked more than stated, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself.
Kwest raised an eyebrow as he turned to face her, and now she was just sitting there almost a passive look displayed on her pretty, pale face as she looked at him through heavy lashes, eyes of blue fire, only her left elbow now resting on the counter supporting the left side of her face as she looked at him.
"I am. Really. I am. I just….I'm just so angry. I want him to hurt like I did. And he doesn't even feel a thing. And that kills me…that it was just so easy for him to walk away from me."
"Easy for him to walk away, Jude? I don't think anyone could ever just walk away from you," he blurted out.
"Shay did. And now Tommy," Jude pointed out defeated.
"Shay is a damn idiot. And just for the record so is Quincy. Jude you know I think he really does love you," he stated cautiously.
She shook her head in disbelief, "No Tommy only loves himself," Jude retorted bitterly.
"That's just it Jude. Tommy had never loved anybody but himself. He never really knew how too. And you changed that. He loves you Jude. He just never really knew how to show it. And quite frankly he sucks a commitment," Kwest defended Tommy and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why.
It wasn't like he lied either. What he had said where almost the exact words from the mouth of the devil himself.
Jude rolled her eyes, "That much is quite obvious," she said referring to Kwest's last statement.
"He's going to miss you Jude. He's going to realize what he lost, but it'll be too late by then. It's his loss," he offered her sincerely.
She just smiled slightly, and her eyes lowered to the ground and one of his hands made contact with hers, embracing it lightly, a sign that he was there for her, for someone to listen and lean on. And to just be her friend.
"He's taking her to the Valentine's Day party, ya know? I just can't decide which hurts worse. Him cheating on me or the him wanting to hide our relationship from everyone but he'll take her too Darius's media event," Jude confessed not bother to disguise one hint of bitterness, anger, or hurt.
Kwest shook his head in disappointment at Tommy's lack of class, and squeezed Jude's hand and she returned the embrace in mutual silence. Because there was nothing that needed to be said.
Nothing that could be said to change how she felt.
Kwest was only left with the knowledge this his so-called best friend was a complete moron and asshole.
Oh yeah, that and the fact that he wanted nothing more than to kiss the girl in front of him.
"You're bound to lose the game. There's no one else to blame…You are doomed to be undone. I swear I'll be the one to bring you down…"
Kwest was perfectly content drinking his Sprite and just about to indulge in his Double Cheeseburger when she had to go and just…well just do what she does best.
Interrupt his content little life in his own little word.
She took a seat across from him, folded her hands on the cold, solid table in the kitchen at G-Major, her face glowing, and a small smile playing on her lips.
He looked at her questioningly and she began to speak. "Do you remember what you said the other day about how Tommy will miss me one day and yadi-yadi-yada. And I said I want him to hurt like me?"
An uneasy feeling began to stir inside Kwest's stomach and he put down his cheeseburger. Suddenly he didn't want it anymore.
"Yeah, something like that…" he replied skeptically
"Well…I have an idea. Ok, more like a plan. I call it the "What goes around, comes around" plan. Oh and you can thank JT for the name of my plan," she stated with smirk on her face, holds still folded neatly on the table.
Kwest inhaled deeply and tried to brace himself for what was coming. Whatever it was, whatever this "plan" was, he was positive it wasn't going to be a good idea at all.
"JT? And what plan, Jude? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Justin Timberlake. JT."
"Oh. So what is the plan of yours, because frankly, Jude, I have a bad feeling about this."
"Pssh, relax Kwest. Ok here's what I'm thinking," she began and Kwest was sucking the contents of his large sprite down as she explained, trying to take in everything she was saying.
It ended with him spitting out his Sprite on the table, eyes wide.
"I'm sorry. WHAT?!"
"Ew, Kwest gross. You got your spit and soda all over the table."
"Jude I don't care. You want me to do what?!" he asked incredulous. He knew he should have prayed before he tried to eat.
He suddenly remember that he ordered no pickles on his double cheeseburger.
"I said I want you to take me to the Valentine's Day bash Darius is throwing. And I want you to pretend like we're a couple."
And he liked pickles.
Lyrics belong to Garbage, Breaking Benjamin, and Garbage again.