Why Danny and Paulina Should NOT Be Together

George: HI! I'm George, otherwise known as Twinkie, Dianna, or Forge.

Fred: And I am Fred, a.k.a. Skittles, Heather, and Gred. All things recognized as Muffin and Doughnut's (they are Poisoned Doughnuts of Doom, they rock, check them out) are inspired by them. Probably.

George: Today we will be aiding them in their eternal quest for Danny/Sam-ness. We are going to give you a list of reasons why Danny should never be with Paulina. Soon after, we'll get one out for Valerie (great girl, just not for Danny. Ever. He's Sam's! Back off!)

Danny: Paaauuullliinnaaaa….

G+F: Dork.

George: Wait, how and when did you get here?

Danny: Since Fred summoned me.

George: (turns to Fred) What did I tell you about performing illegal magical summons without inviting me?

Fred: Uhhh…I was in la la land when you said that. Repeat por favor.

George: Since when do you speak Spanglish?

Fred: Uhhh, since I felt like it. You could tell me, merci very much.

George: Now it's Franglish?!

Fred: Ken.

George: HEBREW!? I give up…

Fred: hehehehe. Now. On to the List!

Danny: What list?

George: No, it's not list. It's List.

Danny: What?

Fred: Clueless. Ok, NUMBER 1—They are NOT a cute couple.

George: Numero dos—She is so much taller than Danny.

Fred: No, actually, she's not that much taller than Danny.

George: …well, now she is. Deal.

Fred: …ooookkkk then. Number 3 – She is SO much higher in the social class then the hot dork.

Danny: EEEEWWW! A guy's crushing on me!

G + F: (F: roll eyes G: stares w/ big eyes) Clueless.

Fred: Danny. In case you missed the memo. We. Are. Both. Girls.

George: We just used the penname of guys. Don't ask. And yes, Fred does have a huge crush on you. Though she still believes you belong with/to Sam.


George: You guys are soul mates.

Fred: But you're still totally hot.

Danny: …(inches away but stops b/c he is chained to a giant carrot) Since when have I been chained to a giant carrot?!

George: Since I summoned the carrot.

Fred: And I summoned the chains.

Danny: …Oh…crud. Can I at least have a cookie?

George: OMG! HE'S GOT MIKE-ITIS! (faints)(Long story. Don't ask)

Fred: Like Father like son. Want some fudge with that?

Danny: No. Cuz then I'd have to wear an orange HAZMAT jumpsuit.

George: (jumps back up) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (is pointing at Danny and laughing)


George: (cowers in fear)(says in small voice) No.

Fred: None at all, they show how hot he is… (drools a lot)

Danny: That's just seriously creepy…

Fred: Anyway, NUMBAH 4—Danny even thinks like a Manson…jumpsuit problems.

Maddie: (growls at Danny) I'll deal with you later young man.

Danny: I don't have jumpsuit problems…at least with yours; Dad's is another story.

George: Okay, moving on. Number 5—D+S cute. They match. Pink and red do not.

Danny: Huh? Pink and red?

Fred: Duh! Your shirt! It has red, while Paulina wears all pink shirts. They clash horribly.

George: No they don't, only badly.

Fred: Nya! Who cares! ; P

George: Opposites attract. Paulina and Danny are not opposites. Sam and Danny are. Therefore, Danny and Paulina do not go. Ever. Oh, btw, that was # 6.

Danny: Sam and I are friends. How are we opposites?

Fred: Do we know/care? That's for techno-geek to show you. He has a whole list.

Tucker: Do not! Wait, when/how did I get here?

Danny: Nobody knows…or cares…


Fred: Hey, who did the illegal summons this time?

George: Me! I did it! I'm guilty! You'll never catch me alive! Never! MWAHAHAHA!

Fred, Danny, and Tucker: Uh, right…

George: WHAT? You're just jealous you're not evil geniuses.

Fred: I'm your identical twin. Yes I am!

George: Oh. Right. I forgot. But the other two aren't!

Fred: HOW COULD YOU FORGET?! Anyway, # 7 I believe. Paulina doesn't want to be caught dead with you unless she thinks she's taking you from Sam. So there!

Danny: Aw, I thought I finally had a shot!


Danny: Do I need to answer truthfully? I take the fifth! I don't want to incriminate me!

Tucker: Can I go? I need to go download pictures of Paulina off Danny's computer.

George: You're dismissed. Join Maddie in the escape pod. Or else.

Danny: So THAT'S where she went! Hi mom!

Fred: Let's keep going. Eight—Paulina calls you in ghost form InvisoBill. She doesn't even love THAT form enough to know its name.

Danny: Crud, you're right. (censored)

George: Pardon your Mongolian!

(all listen as escape pod launches) (triumphant war whoops are heard)

Fred: Is it time for our last illegal summons of the chapter yet?

George: Sure. (Sam appears) Want to give us number nine?

Sam: Sure! OK, nine—Paulina is a shallow freak with no regards for feelings and I hate her with a fiery passion. And I love you. Oops! You didn't hear that! Nobody heard that! STOP STARING AT ME!

ALL: (stare at Sam after not looking at all) (Danny blushes) (twins whistle in an "innocent" fashion)

Fred: We didn't hear annnyyything. Number 10—Everyone has made bets about how long it will take before you realize that asking Paulina out is futile. Do you really want to satisfy them?

George: Especially Lancer and Tucker. Uh-oh, wasn't supposed to tell you that! Whoopsie! Let's all forget I ever said anything!

Fred: Already forgotten.

George: What?

Fred: I have no idea.

D + S: We have been summoned by crazy loons. Someone please save us.

Random Narrator: (in a fake French accent) Tune in next time for the next installment of: Why Danny and Paulina should never ever ever in a bazillion years be together because it's wrong and creepy. Oops, there's a bonus 11! They hired me anyway! Leave me aloooone!