Here it goes peeps!
Time to Face the Music...or so it May Seem
"You gonna tell me what is actually bothering you babe?"
"Nothing."
"Babe."
"What? Nothings bothering me." I, Stephanie Plum, was lying to Ranger's face and I knew there was no way I was going to get away with it. None, what so ever. Zip, zilch, nada!
"Steph, I've seen you in bad times, and I've only seen that look once. It's the same one Morelli dealt with when he dragged you out of your apartment that night."
I stayed silent. Then I remembered. "How did you see me? You had your eyes closed."
"I had my eyes open when I walked in and for a little while after. I saw enough, I don't like that look Steph. That look is absolute terror. The look, is the look you get when you think you just lost someone and there is nothing you can do about it."
I clenched my teeth together. "I'm going to go have lunch." I announced and stood to leave. He gracefully got in front of me, efficiently blocking my way.
"Tank's doing lunch."
"Fine, then I'll do something on my laptop." Like play Sims, really anything but talk about this.
"No."
"Yes."
"Steph, stop changing the subject and running away. You need to face this."
"Nothing to face Ranger."
"Is that why you had that look again and all but ran to your room? Is that why I found you trying not to cry in the bathroom? Huh Steph? Is there really nothing to face, or are you going into denial, because denial, is not the place to go."
"I like denial, it works for me. I don't need to face things. I just squinch my eyes shut and wish real hard that they aren't happening."
"But it's still happening when you open your eyes isn't it?" He countered.
"Yes, but when I open my eyes I pretend, Ranger. I go into denial because there, I don't come close to being blown up, gang raped, hit by cars and shot. Because there, there is no Scrog and you live happily ever after. Because there. I don't have worry about some wanna-be Bounty Hunter killing the most important person in my life."
It was silent when I finished. That was my equivalent of pouring my heart out. I had tears spilling down my cheeks and I could hear the blood flowing through my ears.
I passed by him as I swiped at my eyes vigorously. I probably had mascara smudges everywhere, but I didn't care. I wanted to curl up and die. Then, and there. Although, it was fine to say that to him, it was the reaction. I don't know what I was expecting, but silence wasn't it. It was true though. He is the most important person in my life. Morelli is less and less in my life every day, being here isn't helping any either, but I don't want to be with someone who wants me to ditch my friends, job, family, life.
I want to be with someone who supports those things and will except me for the screw up that I am. I may not be good at bounty hunting, but I like it and I want someone who understands that. Ranger does, unfortunately his 'life doesn't lend it's self to relationships'. That makes it impossible.
I was about to open the door to my bedroom when Ranger shut it with one hand, using the other to surround me. "Steph..." He started.
"I don't want to hear it. I said what I need to and I heard you out, now I need to go and get something to eat." I declared and tried to move but he pinned me tighter to the door.
"Steph, I'm not going anywhere. Okay? Scrog is going down, he will not hurt me or you. Got that babe? I'm not going anywhere." He said in a soothing voice.
Now, I don't what it was that set it off but a huge sob racked through my body, causing Ranger to move his hands from the door to me, keeping me from falling down. I was sobbing uncontrollably.
"Babe, Steph, please stop crying." He begged sounding as confused as I was as to the orders for the flood gates to be opened. I got in under control enough so that I was almost laughing. Then, it wasn't under control. I laughed, snickered, then just...laughed. Like this was the funniest thing in the world.
"Steph?...babe?"
"Sorry." I whined out trying to stand on my own. Being successful, I stood and tried once again to leave. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that." I said and whipped the remaining tears from my eyes.
I got free of him and he followed me into the bathroom...or at least to the door way. I grabbed a small hand towel and wet it, then started scrubbing at the large mascara smudges under my eyes. When I was done, I had red puffy eyes and extra red from where I rubbed the cloth against the skin, trying to get the smudges off. I set the rag in the sink, satisfied with my work, and turned around so that I was facing Ranger. He was leaning against the doorframe casually. "Lunch is ready." He told me.
"Good," I said. "because I'm starving."
With that, his lips tipped up and he led me out to the kitchen for lunch. Yum...food. My mouth was watering already and I hadn't even made it to the kitchen yet.