How To Write An Essay

Impossible to describe. Deal with it.

"I refuse to let you write another book, Nanny Ogg!"

"Oh be quiet, Esme. The last one worked quite well, I thought."

"Not really, no. More Strawberry Wobblers and your infamous porridge? No way!"

"It'll be a book of etiquette, Esme!"

"You wouldn't know etiquette if it hit you in the eye, Nanny."

"Shut up! And I do so! The insane serial killer is served before the man who makes chairs out of burnt bread, but after the weird, smelly old fishmonger. See?"

"That's not etiquette, that's craziness. I won't have it!"

"Etiquette is always crazy."

"Will you do weddings and funerals, too? Because the Night People won't like the funeral stuff. The whole subject of Death is stupid, if you ask me–and weddings are even worse!"

"I'll tell it like it is, Esme. Death won't mind. Maybe I could suggest putting out an extra plate or two, hmm? And, of course, we'll have to say what happens if a funeral bumps into a wedding–only one church, eh? Remember Eddie Wilkes? When he died, they accidentally married him, instead! And the groom was buried!"

"Oh, yes . . . a shame about the groom, though."

"Aggie always was simple. Dead husband means less cooking, am I right?"

"Unless he's a vampire or something, yes."

"Nanny Ogg, shut up!"

(I haven't taught you much today, but it was funny!)