5This takes place during Taking a Break... I had this thought for an expanded scene, I felt like there was missing in the L/K scenes. I'm just posting this even though I've had it for weeks. Sorry.
I need to thank Susan for all her help with keeping the story straight and good. She did a great job pointing out a few of my flaws. This is my first fic for this genre so I'd love to know what you think and whether or not a sequel would be a good idea.
I own nothing.
Kara mindlessly wanders through the corridors of Galactica. It's late, but she can't sleep. Her mind is too awhirl of thoughts and emotions. She was going to go for a jog, but lacked the energy and the right partner. So she took to meandering aimlessly down the hallways of her home trying to clear her head.
Her thoughts kept straying to Sam, more importantly, the words that he had said to her… Did she love Lee? She told him she didn't know.
She lied.
Sam's a good man, and that's probably why she couldn't completely lie to him. Sam cares and loves her. Sometimes she gets the feeling that he knows her better then she gives him credit for. Maybe that was why things were so hard
Kara Thrace loves Lee Adama, screamed out in her mind, unbidden and unwanted.
It all comes back to Lee. It always comes back to Lee, her mind jabs. She loves him and hates him. He's the only person who has broken through her defenses completely. Zack came very close, but never totally. For some reason Lee was able to accomplish what his brother couldn't.
"Frak," she murmurs under her breath. She had put herself on the line earlier tonight and Lee had this momentary glimmer of hope in his eye. Then he shifted. He was right, though. They always wound up hurting each other and it was a vicious cycle to see how long before one of them retreated.
Kara kicked aimlessly at a trunk lining the hallway. A sound of voices around the corner caught her attention. Actually it wasn't the voices so much as the name that was spoken. The name that had been giving her fits for weeks, no make that years.
"…Major Adama is frakking losing it."
"I don't know how to respect a superior officer that's falling all over himself drunk."
Kara turned the corner to come face to face with the two offenders. A guy who was tall and fair haired, and a shorter red headed girl. When they looked up and saw the fury in Kara's face, they both drained of all color.
"Captain Thrace," both snapped to attention.
Kara's anger was getting the best of her. She might not be on solid ground with Lee, but she'd be damned if anyone else disrespected him. She glanced at both and noticed that they hoped she hadn't heard their disparaging remarks. This only fueled her fury. "You two seem to have a lot of time on your hands." Kara cocked an eyebrow and watched intently as they glanced quickly at each other. She could see the question of whether or not their conversation was over heard.
"We're reporting to our shift in the maintenance bay, sir." The taller boy - Moynahan, his tag read - replied.
Kara leaned in closer to him and took a long sniff. She quickly repressed the urge to grin as Joe's home brew wafted faintly off of the boy and his ears turned bright red. "You're lucky I don't throw you directly into the brig. People are counting on things running right around here," she watched the girl out of the corner of her eye and found that the stony-faced acceptance was doing little to sway her in either direction. "You do realize that insubordination is still an offense?"
"Yes sir," they both replied not moving their gaze from her face. It was clear that they knew exactly what she was talking about.
"If I ever see or hear either of you step out of line again, the brig will be the least of your concerns." Kara turned and walked away hoping that she had been able to prevent some of the rumors that were bound to spread.
Kara wanted to curse at the gods for all the pain and heartache. She shook her head and continued down the hall. There was a bad feeling in her gut about what was around the corner. There had to be a good reason for the two knuckle draggers to be talking like that, and she was afraid to see what it might be.
A little farther down, she stopped wondering and heard the commotion that was Lee making an ass of himself. Part of her wanted to hold him and try to relive that night on New Caprica. The other part wanted to run in terror.
She heard Lee yelling about his ring. Then she brutally reminded herself that he was married to Dee, and he didn't want to throw away his marriage for whatever could happen with them.
She could turn back or even go right instead of left and he would never know she had seen him. No one would ever know but her.
Her heart beat her brain to her feet.
She rounded the corner and saw Lee pushing aside trunks lining the hallway. He was disheveled, drunk and going out of his frakking mind.
Kara sadly couldn't have loved him more.
Looking down at the floor, she saw a thin band of silver several feet from where she stood. Her hate for their situation dissipated as she automatically picked up the ring and walked over to where Lee kneeled on the floor in search of his lost wedding band.
She walked the remaining steps toward him and called his name, "Lee."
"Where the frak is my ring?"
"Lee," Kara tried a bit louder.
He ignores her in his desperate search to find the band. Her hand goes to his shoulder as he curses and pushes another trunk into the middle of the hall, mindless of those trying to pass through. He brings his fist around in a half-hearted swing when she grabs his shoulder. She follows through with the motion and pushes him onto his ass and kneels in front of him. She wants to laugh at his expression.
"You sure as hell don't want to frak with me when you're this drunk, Apollo." Kara barely held back her smile, but hopes that the humor in her voice is enough to quell his rage.
He looks almost desperate when he meets her eyes. "Kara," her name rolls off his tongue like a caress.
Kara wordlessly opens his hand without looking away from that beautiful cobalt blue and places the ring in his upturned palm. She tries to ignore the electricity in their touch. He looks down to see the ring and closes his hand around it. She wraps her hand over his in silent understanding. The ring is a symbol of so much and so little.
She wants to withhold the ring. She wants to throw it out the airlock, but somewhere deep inside she realizes that if this symbol is that important to him, she can't take it away.
He stares down at their joined hands for a moment and then returns his gaze to her face, "You found it." A myriad of emotions plays in his eyes: sadness, regret, fear and love were the ones she notices most.
He doesn't know that when he's drunk he can't hide his emotions well. That's only one of the million little things she knows about him. Her heart tightens in her chest just a little bit more.
She wants to leave him, let him worry about himself, but she couldn't. He has always been her friend, and if that is where they would forever be, she couldn't very well let him continue to make an ass of himself.
"C'mon, Lee," she says helping him to his feet and pulling his arm around her shoulder. The mix of booze, sweat and something purely Lee washes over her as he's this close. It makes her want to drop his arm and run.
He says nothing as she helps him back to his room. He stumbles a few times, and she's almost glad that he is having trouble walking. It keeps her focused on the fact that they are almost entwined. He mumbles a few incoherent words, but she doesn't hear them as much as feel his breath tickling her neck and her ear. She wonders if she is having any effect on him.
Finally she gets him to his hatch and bangs hard to get Dee to open up. The thought that she has to give him over to Dee only sickens her. Lee never drank to excess this often before, and in Kara's mind Dee has to have some part in this. She bangs again hoping that she wakes Dee's prissy ass up and that she will get pissed at who was dragging her husband home.
After a few minutes Lee finally seems to get his bearings and realizes that he's standing in front of his door. "We're home?"
Kara hates herself at that very moment, "No Lee, you're home."
"No one's here," his tone is resigned and he looks up into her face with sadness etched in his eyes.
Kara didn't know what to say, but realized quickly that if she didn't get him inside soon he was going to pull both of them to the floor, or possibly vomit on her. "Lee, where are your keys," she started slapping his pockets in his jacket.
Lee's face suddenly changed into an almost wicked grin, "You just want to feel me up."
"Yeah, Lee, that's my life's ambition," Kara said trying to not look into his face. That look made her want him even more. She tried for annoyance, "Where the hell are your keys?"
"Dunno," He wavered slightly when she let him go to check his coat pockets, causing her to tighten her grip on his waist. He pats down all of his pockets and finally came up with his keys and dangles them in front of her.
She stared into his eyes and caught her breath for a moment. His look was intent and heated. She had to keep her mind off what she wanted, "You gonna open the door?" She gave him a warning look.
He opened the hatch door and almost tripped over the bottom of the entryway. Kara kept him from careening into the desk and found herself in his room. Correction, his and Dee's room.
"Lee, where's Dee?" Kara asks. She knows she shouldn't bother. It's not any of her business and she should just be thankful that Dee wasn't here to accuse them even further.
He looks into her eyes with a forlorn expression, "She left." He sights deeply. "She's staying with a friend, I think."
Kara helps him to the couch and scrounges for a bottle of water in his pantry then walks over and gives it to him. She was thankful for the few moments of something to do. It offered at least a minor distraction and a way for her to settle her already frayed nerves.
He takes the bottle from her after she removes the top and takes a deep swallow, then grimaces. "She said that she can't be second best." He pats the cushions next to him.
Kara looks at him for a moment, deliciously rumpled and still so sexy, and felt the urge to run. She didn't want Lee to confess that he still loved her. It would be too much. Something about his melancholy makes her stay even if it is a bad idea. She opts to sit a little farther away then where he had initially motioned.
"Kara," he tugs at her hand to pull her closer, and gods help her, she goes. "Why does it have to be so hard between us?"
"Lee," she sits back and blinks back the tears. "We can't have this conversation now, you're drunk, and you don't know what you're saying. Frak," she jumps to her feet as she feels his hand caressing her thigh. She starts to pace the room, "I don't know why, Lee. It just is. I just know that you are the only person that can hurt me like you do."
He stares at her for a moment, and she wonders if he's going to puke, but he composes himself, "You're not the only one who gets hurt," he says quietly.
She can see the scars that she has left on him, blatantly staring at her. She knows that she has hurt him more then she ever wanted to. "I'm sorry, Lee," her apology is heartfelt and regret tinges her voice. "I wish I could take it all back sometimes, but I don't think we will ever be able to stop."
He slumps back against the sofa in resignation; she retakes her seat away from him and wonders if he is falling asleep. She didn't realize she was staring at him so closely until his eyes flutter open and pierce right through to her soul. She isn't more then a foot away.
"I love you, Kara." He says the words too softly and so simply, like he's said them a hundred times before. It's torture and she feels her eyes begin to water and wants to jump up and run out, but he's grabbed onto her arm before she can move. "Did you lie that night?" his voice is soft, but gravelly from the alcohol and yelling.
Kara knows which night he means, and can't bring herself to lie, "No, Lee. I didn't lie." The tears spring forth and she swipes them away before they have a chance to fall. She remembers the night in the field too often to not know what he is talking about.
"I wanted to spend forever with you, you know?" Lee continues, but his hand has strayed to her shorn blond locks, and she is helpless as she brings her hand up to trace the side of his face. He leans into her touch and lets out a soft whimper. A few tears escape from his eyes and she softly wipes them away.
"I sometimes wish I wasn't such a frak-up," she whispers. "I was so scared that I'd hurt you."
They both snort and give dry laughs.
Lee pulls her head inches from his and licks his lips, "I don't know where to go from here."
Kara watches him lick his lips again and is drawn to his tongue with her eyes, "I want you, Lee, but maybe that's not what was meant to be for us."
Lee pulls her in till she's a hairsbreadth away, "I wish it was."
He pulled her the rest of the way in and she feels his soft mouth tasting of the home brew from Joe's bar. He licks then gently nips at her lips begging for her to let him in. She acquiesces with a sigh as her tongue meets his and caresses it. The kiss is slow and soft. She tastes his mouth and nips back on his lower lip. Her fingers thread through his hair as his other hand reaches to her hip to pull her closer, but not on top of him. Their tongues continue to tangle and dance across each other for long moments. Finally they both part, but rest their foreheads together as their breath comes out in short pants mixing and blending.
Somewhere in the middle of the kiss both felt the tears of regret and pain begin to stain their cheeks. Neither cared.
"This is it then?" Lee asked still holding her head.
"We can't keep hurting each other," Kara felt more tears fall down her face, but didn't want to let go of him to push them away. He could see her cry this once. "I do, you know?"
He looked at her puzzled for a moment.
She wanted to say it to him just once. Her heart told her that this once was all she would need. She knew that she was kidding herself if she thought this once would be enough, but she couldn't stop the words from tumbling out, "I do love you, Lee."
He blinked a few times rapidly. "Kara," was all he could say before his voice broke.
"I need to go, before we do something stupid." Kara said trying to pull away, but found Lee tightening his grip on her and pulling her towards him again in a harder kiss.
His tears melded with hers as he claimed her mouth. She tasted their combined tears on her tongue and assaulted his mouth harder. He bit none too gently on her lip and she returned it. Their teeth crashed together but they didn't let up for long moments. Finally Lee let go of her head and she took her cue to let go and push away. They had to stop, but he still had a hold of her hands.
"I'm sorry, Kara," Lee said resignedly.
"I'm sorry too, Lee," Kara said bringing their hands up and kissing his knuckles then leaning forward for one last taste of his lips. It was closed and gentle. She pushed away before she could take more.
"I love you, Lee Adama." Kara said before swiping at the tears and standing up to go.
Lee propped his elbows on his knees and looked at his folded hands. She began to open the hatch before she heard him speak softly, "I love you, Kara Thrace."
She walked out of the door without turning around. No, this wasn't what they wanted, but the time for want was past. They would always need each other, but they no longer had the luxury to be ruled by their passions. They had to live the lives they had chosen.
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