A Name Will Come

Set directly after the episode "Vengeance". Fic was inspired during an MSN conversation with a friend.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or anything to do with it. I do own this idea however.


"Hey," said John, "Now that we're not trying to get away from the bug things, maybe we should give 'em a name or something."

John, Rodney and Ronon were in the training room. Ronon was still trying to teach Rodney how to fight, with little success. Rodney continued looking at Ronon, making sure he wouldn't get hit by surprise, again, "Why would we do that?"

John answered, "It's better than calling them the bug-things, or Michael's bugs."

"They don't need a name for me to kill them," said Ronon.

"Am I the only one that thinks a name would be good?" asked John.

Teyla came through the door, "A name for what?"

"Sheppard wants to name the bugs," Ronon said, circling around Rodney.

Teyla replied, "That is a good suggestion, as we will need to be able to tell people what they are."

"I can't believe you're going along with John's hair-brained idea," whined Rodney.

"It is a logical idea," said Teyla, "as we will most likely encounter them, and Michael, again.

Rodney turned to Teyla, "No we don't. We just tell people to watch out and kill the blue, evil-looking aliens that are trying to kill-OW! Goddam it Ronon!"

Ronon just crossed his arms, "You weren't paying attention."

"Of course I wasn't! I was talking to Teyla!"

"Don't make me separate you two," said John.

Rodney was turning red, "Maybe you should! Then cave-man over here would stop hitting me!"

Ronon glared at Rodney, "How else am I suppose to teach you to fight then?"

"Any way that doesn't involve you hitting me!" replied Rodney.

John stepped in between the two of them, "How about we break for lunch? And while we're eating we can figure out a name for the bug things."

"Its lunch time?" asked Rodney, "Why didn't you say so earlier? Let's go."

Ronon looked disgruntled because he longer had 'legitimate' reasons to hit Rodney, and Teyla and John were trying to cover up smiles at Rodney's abrupt change in mood when the topic of lunch was brought up.

Within 30 seconds, Rodney was out of the practice padding, "What are you all standing around here for? There's food. In the mess hall. C'mon."

The four of them made their way to the mess hall, Rodney for a change, was leading the way. Of course, whenever food was involved Rodney was always leading the way. As soon as they sat down at a table with their lunch, John brought up the subject of naming the bug-things again.

"So," said John, "what should we name them?"

Rodney spoke up, his mouth full, "We could just call them bugs."

John looked at Rodney, "What did I say about you being allowed to name things?"

"That I'm not allowed to," said Rodney as he glared at John.

John grinned, "Right Rodney."

Teyla came up with a suggestion before Rodney and John got into another fight, "Since they were created from the Iratus insect, why don't we incorporate that into the name?"

John smiled, "I like that idea. Good one Teyla."

"Thank you John," replied Teyla.

"I still say that they don't need a name," Ronon told them, "It won't matter if they have a name or not when their dead."

John turned to Ronon, "You're not getting into the spirit of this Ronon. C'mon, it'll be fun to give them a name. How about Iratus Sapiens? It's got Iratus and Human in it."

Rodney looked at John like he was an idiot, "No. That's so stupid."

"Well, what do you suggest Rodney?" asked Teyla.

Rodney smiled, "What about Iratus McKaytus?"

John looks at Rodney, "Do you really want a seven foot tall, giant energy sucking bug named after you Rodney?"

Rodney, "Well, when it put it that way, not really, no."

"Again Rodney," said John, "this is why you're not allowed to name things."

Just then Radek Zelenka burst into the mess hall, running towards Rodney.

"What is it Zelenka? Have you broken something again?" Rodney asked.

"No," said Radek, "it's worse."

Rodney looked horrified, "You mean someone drank all the coffee?"

Radek looked at Rodney strangely, "No. Kavanagh's coming back next week."

"What? No! We just got rid of him. He'll mess everything up in my labs and ruin all my experiments, and he'll just whine all the time!"

John said, "Thanks Radek. I guess we'll just deal with him when he gets here. You know how long he's staying?"

Radek thought for a moment, "I think Elizabeth said he was only staying for a few days. Something about collecting a specimen of something on one of the planets," he paused, "Well, I have to be going, see you all later."

John and Teyla said goodbye to Radek while Ronon continued eating. Rodney was still ranting about the fact that he would have to deal with Kavanagh again.

Rodney was looking furious, "He's just so annoying! I don't want him around again, he just screw things up all over the place and suck the life out of everyone around him!"

Rodney paused for a moment, "Hey, wait a minute. That could work."

"What could work Rodney?" asked John.

Rodney grinned, "We can call the bugs 'Iratus Kavanaghtus'. It's very fitting. I might actually end up pitying the bugs."

John look stunned, "You know, that's actually pretty good Rodney."

Rodney looked smug. John turned to Teyla and Ronon, "What do you two think?"

Ronon muttered, "Doesn't matter one way or the other to me."

Teyla looked at John, "While the name is fitting, it is also fairy malicious."

John grinned, "So, Iratus Kavanaghtus it is."


One week later, Dr. Kavanagh arrived on Atlantis. Rodney's previous rants actually turned out to be more like predictions. Within two hours Kavanagh had disrupted four experiments and broken two pieces of equipment. Not to mention annoying everyone in the labs. Just to say, everyone was glad when SGA-4 took him to PX4-593 to collect his specimens so he could leave soon.

Five minutes after SGA-4 and Dr. Kavanagh had left, they returned. Kavanagh was covered in cuts and bruises. Elizabeth ran down to meet them, "What happened? The people there are friendly."

Lt. Harris answered, "We don't know Ma'am. Everything was going fine, and then Dr. Kavanagh introduced himself. It sent the locals into some sort of mad frenzy. They just attacked, screaming what sounded like 'Iratus Kavanaghtus' or something."

Elizabeth told the Lt., "Take him to the infirmary."

Elizabeth stomped back up the stairs to her office and called through her radio, "John! You and your team get in my office immediately!"

15 minutes later

John, Ronon, Teyla and Rodney were all sitting in Elizabeth's office. Elizabeth looked furious, "John, do you know what SGA-4 just told me?"

"Not really," John replied.

"Well, they just went to PX4-593 with Dr. Kavanagh. They came back about 20 minutes ago, and Dr. Kavanagh had to be sent to the infirmary. Do you want to know why?"

Rodney had just guessed what this was about, "Oh shit."

Elizabeth turned to Rodney, "Yes Rodney. It seems the locals thought he was an 'Iratus Kavanaghtus' and attacked him," she paused for a moment, "Now, I let you four keep that name going as long as it stayed on Atlantis. Now, Stargate Command will know about this, and I don't even want to know how many local towns you told this too."

Teyla apologized, "We are sorry Dr. Weir. We didn't believe that any harm would come from this name. However, Ronon and I tried to dissuade John and Rodney from telling it to the locals in fear that someone would get hurt from it. It appears that they did not heed our advice."

Elizabeth advanced on John and Rodney, "Well, what do you two have to say for yourselves?"

John and Rodney looked at each other, and then said at the same time, "Oops."