I laid in bed with my heart racing and the blankets pulled up to my chin and my body cuddled underneth the blankets. The lightening from outside was flashing against the wall that was adjacent from me, and was quickly followed by a giant crash of thunder. Storms like these always scared me, and it hurt knowing that if I was at home now, I could just go to my brother's room and talk to him because he is a light sleeper and was likely awake.
But my brother was miles and miles away...and my boyfriend was nowhere to be seen to hold me. I can't blame him, seeing as my cheating ways have become more and more noticable. I didn't even bother to cover up the hickie on my neck last week when my hair was in a ponytail, because that's how he likes it. He likes it when I'm just being me, wearing jeans and an oversized sweatshirt and my hair not kept, just thrown in a pile on top of my head. He likes me without makeup because I look more natural that way, and the tiny freckles on my chest...
I enjoy how I can continously cheat on him and he won't say a word about it.
There was another crash of thunder before the lights flickered and eventually went out. All alone in the dark, my trembling hand felt it's way to the night table where my purse was, finding the small bag on it's own and in the dark. It was hard trying to find my phone in such a panic, but when the blue screen was glowing in my face, I quickly pulled it out to dial the first number I needed.
"Is your power out too?" he asked immeidietely, shushing everyone in the background.
"baby, I'm scared," I whispered, trying not to cry. "Can you come and be with me?" When he agreed, I hung up on him and waited by the door, opening it just a crack so I could kind of see him for when he camde down to see me.
He obviously had to take the stairs, which explains why it took him so long. I could slightly make out his figure as he came through the dark, he was tall and scrawny, and his pajamas pants were far too baggy for him. Then when he saw me standing in the hall by myself, he began a small jog to get to me quicker, so he could wrap his arms around me and hold me close. I began to shake as another crash of thunder hit, quickly followed by a bolt of lightening. "Maria," he whispered, his hands up my shirt, running up and down my back. "Let's go lay down."
We held hands as we entered the hotel room I shared with my boyfriend, completely closing the door so we were in absolute darkness. I was still trembling as another bolt of lightening lit up the room, but with his hands on my hips and his lips on my neck, he calmed me down greatly. I think we were in the middle of the room when he turned me around so he could kiss me, and we began to walk backwards until his knees hit the foot of the bed. When we fell onto the soft landing, I laid on top of him laughing while his calloused hands continued to caress me, eventually discarding my shirt to the floor so I was shirtless on him.
"Maria," he whispered again, sitting up and burying his head into my neck, placing kisses on my collarbone. I held up close, my fingers playing in his hair and on his neck as he continued to kiss me wherever he pleased. "Maria, where is he?" he managed to ask, stopping his kisses and leadning his forehead against mine.
"Out," I answered, my lips on the tip of his nose. "He'll be gone for a while...why?" He let out a breath which I felt against my skin, and I could instantly tell what he was thinking. "Baby," I began, cupping his face in my hands, "we'll be fine." A quick flash of lightening allowed me to see his eyes, not looking at me, but at the wall behind us, and his lip ring sucked into his mouth. "Hey," I said softly to him, "I love you."
He leaned back and took his shirt off, taking his hands off of me and placing them on the back of his head. "Do you say that to him too?" he asked.
I got off of him and moved to the other bed, tucking my knees to my chest and placing my head on top of them, looking down. I could feel the tears brimming my eyes, and the last thing I wanted him to hear my sobs; he didn't like it when I showed me weakness in front of him. When I let out a sniffle, I heard him move from the bed, and he went to the bathroom where I could hear him turn on the sink.
It was then I threw myself back onto the pillows and hugged on close to my chest, letting the tears land on it as I sobbed. My phone began ringing from its place on the night table, and I contemplated answering it when I saw them name look back at me: Carlito. It was playing our song, Blue Light by Bloc Party, and just hearing the lyrics made me cry harder.
"Hello?" I answered once I thought I had regained my composure.
"I'm sorry," he immedietly said. "I'm sorry I can't be there with you right now, I know you hate being alone in these storms. Are you OK, beatuiful?"
A cry escaped my throat and into the phone as the tears started to run with my control, falling onto the pillow I was still hugging. "No," I told my boyfriend. "I'm not." I could hear him tell me something, but his voice kept getting cut off, and the reception grew worse.
It was then I took it upon myself to hang up on him.
The rain pounded against the patio door as I laid on top of the hotel bed sheets, just waiting for him to come out of the bathroom. The clock on my phone told me he had been in there for two hours, and by now I was all out of tears. My head felt like the worlds worst hangover and my eyes were so dried out they were constantly itchy.
A sigh of relief escaped from me when I finally heard the sink turn off, and the creeking of the door opening was heard. "Maria?"
Leaping off of the bed, I felt my way to the bathroom, instantly throwing my arms around him when I could faintly see his figure. His arms stayed at his sides as I continued to hug him, and when I kissed him he didn't kiss back. "Baby?" I whispered, stroking his face. "Baby, what's wrong?"
He reached down so our hands were linked together, placing them in front of his lips and kissed the top of my knuckles. "I..." he took a breath and let it out against out hands, "I don't think I can do this anymore."
I let out a laugh and bowed my head, taking my hands away from his. "What?" I asked, still laughing. I knew he didn't mean it, he would never tell me something like that. "What do you mean, Punk?"
With his back on the door frame, he shrugged his shoulders. "This, Maria! This whole sneeking in when he's gone, the secrets, the whispers. This entire thing...I can't do it anymore. Maria..." he moved from his spot and went to the bed, putting his shirt back on. "It's him or me."
My mouth was open at those last four words were spoken, those four words I never thought I'd hear him say. "But...but I love you!" I shouted, throwing my hands in the air. "I make time to see you, I...I...I lie to my boyfriend so I can be with you! What do you mean, you can't do this?" The lights flasked on them, giving me a perfect picture of CM Punk, sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and head in his hands. I walked over to the bed and sat across from him, leaning against the headboard. "Are you breaking up with me?" I whispered, still in disbelief.
"I'm giving you a choice. Knowing that Carlito can find out about us anytime isn't very assuring, you know? Espically when things like this happen..."
"I love you!" I shouted at him, sitting up on my knees. This was a perfect plan. With my shirt on the floor, I was giving him a perfect view on what he would be missing out on if he were to leave me, and I wanted to make sure he knew that. "You want to break up with me?" I questioned him, leaning forward so I was also on my hands and in front of him.
"Maria, stop," he begged, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Stop what you're doing, right now." I gave him a smirk before I crashed my lips to his and pulled him closer by his shirt. With this much control in my hands, I knew he wouldn't be able to not give in, and when he did, I felt satisified. Those calloused hands went to my bare back and he pulled me just as close as I had done to him, our tongues wrestling with firece energy.
He laid me back and kicked off his pajamas pants while I threw my shorts to the ground before our lips met again. With my legs around his waist and my hands occupied with removing his shirt, I cried out when the first thrust happend because I didn't lnow he was going to be so rough. When he was catching his breath, he threw my leg over his shoulder and went deeper in me, streatching my wallas as far as they would go.
"Bitch," he mumbled against my lips before cpaturing them with his. I groaned into his mouth when his tongue ring rubbed against my own, turning me own ever more. Letting him take control of me was a first, espically whhen he reached down and held me wrist together with one of his hands. He ahd complete control of my body, free to do whatever he felt like. I took my leg off of his shoulder and threw it to the side, moaning his name as he continued to please me, arching himself into me as hard as he could.
Our cries were anything but quiet, but how loud we were was the last thing on my mind. I closed my eyes as he slowered his pace, teasing me at my entrance. His body moved lower on me, his lips trailing across my stomach and across my hips before he began to kiss the inside of my thighs. His hands let go of my wrist, but he placed one on my stomach to keep me from rising off of the bed before his tongue attacked my insides.
Calling out his name, I fought against his control to move closer to him, but he wouldn't allow me. He was far too strong for my body to do anything against him, so I laid down on the bed and moved my head just slightly, reading his tattooed knuckles that were keeping me down.
That's exactly what he was to me. He was my drug that allowed me to do the things that I would never thought of doing, or saying the things I thought I'd never say. He was the drug that made me feel like everything was alright, nothing could go wrong, and I was able to see myself in a different light. He was the one drug that could take control of me, and I didn't have a single problem with it.
He continued to violate me as rough as he wanted to, using his piercings to an advantage to bring me that much closer. When my breathers were becoming shorter and more rapid, he stopped and looked up at me, that devilish grin on his face. "Cute," he said. "You really thought I was going to finish you like that?"
I leaned on my elbows to look up at him in my naked form and sat up. "Oh Maria," he chuckled with a sigh, sitting on the bed across from me, also naked. "You're one of a kind."
My hand connected with his cheek harshly as I glared at him, still trying to catch my breath. When he turned to look at me, holding his cheek in his hand, I pushed him down on the bed and climbed on top of him. I heard him moan my name as a rhthym between us was agreed on, and linked our fingers through each others, holding them together between us.
Looking down on his face, I could see exactly where my hand print was on him. It hurt me inside that suck an emotion took over me so quickly, but then I could see him eyeing the hand print that was on my stomach, left from all the force he used to keep me down earlier. Looking down, I took note on how our hands were still together...
The one thing that had hurt us physically was now holding us together emotionally I realized, looking down at his other tattooed knuckle.
It wasn't long before each others names escaped from our lips and we fell in a heap to the side, holding each other. The scruff on his chin was rough against my shoulder as he moved his jaw back and forth to tickle my skin. It got a giggle out of me, which made him chuckle and kiss behind my ear. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his fingers dancing across my stomach. "It's just...it gets me so frustrated sometimes..."
"Punk, hey..." I turned so my arms were around his neck and our foreheads against each others again. "Don't ever feel like that, k? I love you. And only you." A boyish grin appeared on his face as he cupped my cheek in his hand. "I want to be with you," I whispered, cuddling into him. He leaned closer to give me a kiss. A kiss that was loving and thankful...a kiss that quietly told me he was happy I made a descion, and my descion was him.
"Maria?" Our kiss was broken and both of us closed our eyes. I could already feel the tears starting to gather and I was scared to turn my attention to the middle of the room. I knew Carlito was standing there, this was his first time seeing me with another man, even though I've cheated on him countless times before. This was the first time that there was proof that the rumours were true...the rumours he refused to believe in because I covered them up by telling him I love him.
By the sound of his voice, I knew he was surprised. He said my name so quickly, it sounded like one syllabll instead of the three it was supposed to be.
"So...it's true..." he whispered, looking down at his feet. "I was out with Jeff and he told me I should leave and come to you since you don't like thunderstorms...but it looks like Punk beat me to it."
"Baby," I choked out, sitting up with my blankets up to my chest. "It's not like that..." out of the corner of my eye, I could see Punk reaching to get his pajama pants back on, his back turns towards Carlito. I saw my loyal boyfriend raise his eyebrows at the other man, knowing my statement just a few moments ago was proved wrong.
Punk stood up and walked past Carlito, his head down and hands in the pockets of his pants. His walk to the door was somber, but quick, and as soon as it clicked shut, I let the tears fall freely. I had finally been caught cheating, after all these months, but I wasn't sad about being caught.
I was sad that the man I truly loved had left me without saying goodbye.
Gathering the rest of the comforter that was on the bed, I wrapped it around my body and chased after him. My footsteps were heavy and ecohed throughout the empty hallway as I tried to catch up to him and keep the heavy blanket around my body. As he moved closer and closer to the elevator, I was finding it harder to breathe as my sobs began to take a toll. When he finally stopped, I had caught up to him, and he refused to turn to look at me.
"Baby?" I sobbed out, reaching for his hand. "Let me explain..."
He jerked his hand out of my grip before he turned around to look at me. "That," he began, pointing down the hall to where I left my door open, "is exactly what I was talking about. Your boyfriend just walking in like that, seeing us together. Damnit Maria, that was exactly what I meant!" The elevator doors opened and he stepped in, turning around to whisper the ending words, "I can't do this."
The doors closed slowly... and that was the end of us.
With the heavy blanket around me, I turned and leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down as my legs gave out. I tired my hardest to hold back my tears, but they fell down against my cheeks and onto the blanket that surrounded me. I didn't sob, or sniffle them back...I just sat there on the ground and ignored anyone that decided to look at me. Me...the WWE Diva that had it all.
But without him, I now had nothing.
An arm was put around my shoulders, and their hand cradled my head to their chest, holding me close while I quietly cried. The way the fingers drummed against my arm was familar, but I refused to look at their face. With how they were breathing, and how they were whispering to me, all I could do was close my eyes and try my best to ignore them. It wasn't until they moved their hand from my arm to the top of my head and gave it a rub did I bother to look up at Carlito.
His face was blury, but I could see his figure, slumped with mine against the wall. I couldn't even figure out why he would come over and console me like he was, espically after what he just saw me doing. I had to say something to him, at least apologize, but he already saw what he had to see...he just had to hear what I wanted him to hear...
With a sigh, I leaned my head against his shoulder, "I loved him," I whispered. "I loved him so much."
He matched a sigh with mine and held me closer, wiping a tear off of my cheek with his thumb. I knew he wanted to say something, but his sniffle stopped him. Instead he just rocked me while we cried together, trying not to let the other person hear. It was obvious this was the end of Carlito and I, two years offically over and gone, thanks to me.
It was a while before either of us spoke, or even moved for that matter. While I did enjoy his silent company, I wanted him to say something, anything. Just to hear him say he forgives me would've made me feel better, but instead the words he spoke made my heart break and regret anything I had done to make him feel bad. It was never my intention to make him feel that way...
"I know, beautiful."