A/n- a present for those of you who are still reading. ILY! (please reply)

Chapter 4- Remorse

Twenty days, eighteen hours, thirty-one minutes, and thirty-two seconds had passed since L, or rather, Near, had been killed, murdered by Kira. But Near did not need to hear this from Roger; he had known as soon as it happened. Those twenty days were spent wallowing in guilt; Near confined himself to his room, counting down the seconds he had to wash away this feeling. He knew once the seconds ran out he would be called upon to become L's successor and for that moment he had to be in perfect character. The chances were that Mello would be too emotional to notice a lapse, but now that the real Near was dead…L owed him that much to honor his memory. He would, therefore, continue to perfectly conduct things as Near, as if Near hadn't died.

But the truth of the matter was that Near did die. L knew…being the only one to know made it that much harder to accept. Had he done the right thing? Should he have switched places and took the coward's way out? No…the answer was he shouldn't have. The reality was that he did and that nothing he could do would change that. For the sake of Near and his foolish decision, L would avenge his death, make it so that Near did not die in vain. He owed the boy that much as well.

Yet now…L knew that Kira was Light Yagami. He had set up video surveillance inside the task force headquarters before he had made the switch and had been watching when Near was killed. He had seen Light's face, twisted and shadowed in evil. That smirk he wore sent shivers up L's spine every time he remembered it. Light was no longer human; he was a monster. It was up to L to slay him.

Any second now Roger would ask to speak with him and Mello. He looked up from the puzzle he was doing to watch the boy run by with a group of other orphans; Mello had always been the one to fit in with them. Near had always kept to the shadows, preferring to work and live alone. L wondered if he regretted doing that, now that he was truly alone wherever he was.

The laughter in the hall died down and Near heard one of the children greet Roger. It was almost time to slip into faked ignorance. As soon as Near picked up the puzzle pieces and nestled them safely in his hand, Roger appeared in the doorway with Mello in tow, just as he had suspected. He followed the two wordlessly, placing a slightly interested look on his face, even though the act still pained him. When they were alone in Roger's office, the old man sighed and addressed his two best students, resting a wrinkled chin on woven fingers.

"L is dead."

The look on Mello's face made Near want to jump up and deny the fact. He hadn't thought the boy would be that affected…though Mello had always been emotional. Near stayed silent as Mello demanded answers out of Roger, continuing to place puzzle pieces into the wooden frame; he always saved the 'L' for last, as some sort of odd habit.

"He promised he would see Kira dead! L was killed…? Are you sure?!"

"Mello…"

That was enough. Emotion overflowed as Near grasped the now-finished puzzle and dumped its contents onto the floor, a deep frown on his face.

"If you can't beat the game, if you can't solve the puzzle, you're nothing but a loser."

Near said this as the last pieces of the puzzle fell to the floor. He felt numb; the board above his head felt out of reach even though he held it with his own hands. He was afraid to look at Mello's face, for fear of seeing his disgust because of that last statement. It was cruel of him to say such a thing, but it was something Near would have said. A sick feeling in his stomach, Near placed the board on the ground and began remaking the puzzle with steadied hands.

"…so then which of us did L…"

The puzzle pieces clacking seemed to echo in L's ears; the guilt he felt was still so overpowering. He could face this situation alone, but Mello was making it so damn hard!

"Neither of you, yet…" Roger answered, peering above his spectacles to the boy in front of him, "He can't choose, now that he's dead…" The old man continued as Mello stared at him, the realization still sinking in for the blond-haired one. "Mello, Near…how about you two work together…?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Near agreed, never looking up. Had he done so, he would have seen the hateful look Mello was shooting him at the moment.

"That's impossible, Roger…" Mello countered, "You know Near and I don't get along…we're always competing." The boy was silent for a moment, as if remembering some bad memory. When he continued, his voice was much lower, and held much more ice to it. "It's fine, Roger…Near can be L's successor. Unlike me, Near will calmly and unemotionally solve the puzzle."

Near placed the last puzzle piece in its spot once more, resisting the urge to look up, to say something, to reveal his identity.

"I'm going now…I'm leaving the orphanage too."

"Mello." Roger's voice was sad but he said nothing more; he too was refraining from letting L's secret slip.

"I'm almost 15 anyway, Roger," Mello replied as he turned away to walk out the door, "I'll live life my own way."

The door slammed behind the boy as he left the office and an eerie silence filled the small room. Near fingered the puzzle piece he had just placed down and then lifted his head to look Roger in the eyes. The old man stared back, his own filled with sorrow; Near knew the loss of one orphan cut deeply in the man's heart, and now another was leaving. Both Mello and Near had been special to him. Near blinked once, and then stood to exit as well, leaving the puzzle behind.

It turned out Mello had already left his room when he arrived, even though he had walked quickly. That meant Mello had foreseen his departure and had packed a bag in preparation. He had probably ran to his room and grabbed it; Near could see no other reason for his formidable lead. He glanced out the bedroom window to see Mello approaching the iron gate that stood before the institution. He would have to run to catch up, for Mello would not be able to hear him yell with the pouring rain in his ears.

His bare feet met the cold, wet ground as he burst through the front doors. He called out now, but he was still too far away to be heard. At least Mello was walking now; the boy didn't even have an umbrella, not to mention an idea as to where he was going.

"Mello!" L bellowed again; he didn't care if his old voice escaped him at this moment. He couldn't let another of his heirs disappear; the solitude and guilt would drive him insane. That and…he needed help to bring Kira down.

Finally Mello turned around, visibly surprised to see his rival chasing him down in the rain. When Near drew closer, the boy's eyes widened, as if seeing something they hadn't before. The fact that Near would never do something like this gave strength to this sudden and yet still undeveloped suspicion that something wasn't as it seemed.

"Mello, I have been deceiving you for the last couple weeks," L confessed, not bothering to disguise his voice.

"You…aren't Near…" Mello said, rain dripping into his face and streaming down his leather jacket. The rain muffled his words so that eavesdroppers would not be able to hear.

"No."

"Then that means…Near is dead."

L nodded, letting the sorrow and guilt he felt fill his face; knowing he was finally able to share it with someone calmed him some.

"I guess this means I'm number one now," Mello commented, though his voice failed to ring with victory.

"I am going to need your help as L's successor," L told the boy, watching as his face suddenly turned bitter, as if he regretted wishing to be number one before.

"I am still leaving," he announced, "I will contact you when I settle down."

Near nodded and watched as his rival, but also his friend, continued down the paved driveway. Only when the blond head was no longer visible did he return inside to dry off, his white suit stained gray with the rain.

A/n- I like this chapter…it shows the relationship between L and Mello. (apparently there is one even though I haven't read book 13 since it's not out yet). But other than that…I like this chapter because L doesn't have to lie…I like that he has the opportunity to tell the truth. Maybe I'm just a sap. T.T