Confessions of Secret Sentiments

Disclaimer: I don't own Greys Anatomy but I do wish I was Patrick's wife or even Ellen Pompeo but its only dream… I'll only say this once

Summary: The lies, the love, the words spoken and unspoken. Not believing and betrayal, can they help each other or is there too much damage, is it too late to say the unsaid?

This is different from the show but Meredith's mother died, Meredith almost died, Burke didn't ask Christina to marry him and they're still not talking.

Chapter 1: Open Windows

Rain pounded against the windows and broke the dark silence in the room. On the large bed were two sleeping figures, one calmly intertwined in their dreams while the other fidgeting with their nightmares. The males' mouth moves silently, as if he's trying to say something within his dark dreams.

Suddenly, he shoots up in bed, panting, his eyes searching the room frantically. He gulped, trying to calm his upset nerves. Finally his eyes fall on the figure sleeping soundly next to him. He sighs in relief as he lies back down and cuddles up next to her.

"Meredith," he whispers to himself, as if reassuring himself that it's truly her. He hugs her sleeping body close to him but never falls back into slumber.

Burke took the coffee mug in hand and quickly poured himself a cup as he looked intently at Christina sleeping on the couch nearby. Then, as if she was aware he was staring at her, she began to stir in her sleep. She fell off the couch and onto the floor with a grunt. Burke raised his eyebrows in surprise. Her long black hair was a tangled mess and she cursed under her breath. She slowly got up and swore again when she hit her head on the coffee table. Burke hastily set his coffee cup down and rushed to her side.

"Christina, are you alright?" Burke asks, worry in his voice.

"Yes, I'm fine," she spat and rubbed her head. Burke backed off, not wanting to get her any angrier. He walks back over and begins drinking his coffee again. "What would you care anyway?" Christina muttered under her breath as she attempted to get up again, only to hit her head a second time on the table. "Shit, ow ow ow, Damnit!" Christina swore as she heard Burke chuckle at her. Christina glares menacingly up at him. "What re you laughing at!" she exclaims. "I can't take this shit anymore, I have to get my own place," she muttered, "damn table."

"What were you saying?" Burke asked, knowing full well what she had said.

"Nothing," she retorted irritably.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I mean, you could talk or, I mean, we could talk-

"Yes I'm sure!" She yelled. "Now you want to fucking talk huh? You can go to hell Preston, just go to hell!" Christina felt tears well up in her eyes and she made a vain attempt to wipe them away.

"Christina-

"You shut the door in my face," she sobbed. "You see that I hit my head everyday on that damn table, yet you look at me I'm still here talking to you every fucking morning saying "good morning Preston how are you?" Yes, I even started calling you Preston to see if you would notice did you? I don't think so and if I remember correctly you practically broke up with me! Now you want me to talk?! I would rather talk to a cat than talk to you, talking to you is like talking to a wall!" Christina voice gets softer. "You never listen to me, Preston… I think we should-

"No!" he yells, banging his coffee cup on the table.

"What do you mean 'No'?" Christina exclaimed, her anger rising up again. Preston shakes his head, sadness apparent in his eyes.

"Christina, I still love you…"

"You still love me? You sure have a hell of a way of showing it! Look at me; I've been dealing with all this shit for too long. I'm showing you that I love you in the only way I can and with what you gave me, I want us to work," she points at Preston. "You are showing me you don't give a damn, I am trying to be there for you the best way I can. So you can just go to hell! I'll be out by tonight!"

"What?" Preston question, his eyes widening with surprise. "Wait Christina! Please, let me explain-

"No, save it, I'm done. I told you and showed you that relationships haven't been really important to me. I'll admit that I have used men to get what I want or need, but you wanted a relationship with me. I have given and shown you more of who I am than I've shown Meredith, my best friend, because I love you. Shepherd did a great damn surgery and if you had told him or if I had told him about the shaking, it wouldn't have been a problem, you know it wasn't Shepherds fault. You lost the only friends you really had, George and Shepherd, they can't trust you anymore. You were going to operate on his dad, his father! You wouldn't say anything and I didn't tell because I was trying to be there for you. Yes, I told the chief but Preston, we almost killed a women when, if your hand was back to normal, it probably never would of happened. Preston, god, I just couldn't do it anymore. You were all I was thinking about, I thought I was going to be kicked out of the program but at that moment I didn't care because I just wanted you to be alright and I'm sorry that my emotional needs got in the way!"

Preston winced as he listened to her speech. "Christina, I'm so sorry-

"Damnit I told you!" Christina breaks down into heart wracking sobs.

"Christina I am so sorry. I really am, I love you, I really do," Preston bent down and hugged her tightly to him, rocking her back and forth and whispering comforting words into her ear. After a few minutes, Christina finally started to calm down. Preston looked her in the eyes. "Christina, I have something to say," he started, "and please listen before you say no… I really think we should to talk to someone to help us because we basically can't do this ourselves anymore."

"No, there is no way I'm going to see a shrink, you know those people freak me out, and why the hell would I open up to a complete stranger when I can't even talk to you," Christina exclaimed, pushing him away from her slightly. Preston looked thoughtful.

"Well, we have to do something because I'm not going to let you go without a fight," he said finally and looked down at her.

"Fine," Christina said, annoyance apparent in her voice, "um, well, I don't think you will like my idea though."

"What is it?" Preston asked curiously. "I'm sure it can't be bad."

"Okay, promise me you'll be open minded about this," Christina said cautiously.

"I promise," Preston replied.

"…I think we should talk with Meredith and Derek," Christina said finally and waited for Preston's angry reaction.

"What?!" Preston shouted. "Why the hell would that help?!"

"You said you would be open-minded!" Christina yelled back.

"Fine," Preston sighed. "I'm sorry, I'll listen."

"Thank you," Christina said, calming herself. "Meredith says that Derek won't talk to her about anything, he won't open up about the drowning and her mother and Addison and if she brings any of this type of stuff up, he gets defensive and angry. I guess Derek's been distant lately and it's scaring Meredith because she doesn't want to loose him. It all started after the drowning accident."

"Alright, I guess I'll do it," Preston said, exasperated. "Derek has seemed different lately and I guess I want my friend back too."

"Okay I'll call her," Christina said, relief in her voice as she stood up. Preston followed her example.

"I'm going to get ready for work," Preston said quietly and padded away. Christina picked up the phone and dialed her friends number.