Face the Unknown
There she stood. Two men on either side of her: one to her right holding his hand out to take her away from this mess, the other standing with a slight smile on his face and mussed up hair. She gazed to and fro between them, attempting to make a decision.
Finn had plans. A man, who had admitted every feeling to her, treated her with the utmost respect and gave her the time she needed. His wife had died and he was opening up to her, of all people. Her heart swelled into her throat and tears welled in her eyes at the thought, and she didn't know what kind of person she'd be if she broke him when he had just taped his broken heart together. Here he was mending it, sutures about ready to come out, and she was either about to make his heart bleed or help it to scar.
Derek had a wife. A man, who had lied to her, treated her like a fragile piece of China, and though he was a great surgeon with excellent bedside manner, it did not cross over into his love life. His wife had cheated on him with his best friend, but he had been absent. Not that the latter condoned the former, but it made her wonder the person he was when she wasn't wearing her rose-colored glasses. It made her question if he'd do the same to her. If he'd one day forget about her too, and become absent like he had with Addison. If she chose him, she'd once again surrender her heart to him, and he could just as easily squeeze it in his palm and break her spirit just as he could love her and give her everything she needed.
Meredith was at a crossroad. The awe of a world-renowned brain surgeon occupying your bed was a pleasant thought, but great sex and love cannot sustain a serious relationship. It required commitment, and honesty, something Derek had demonstrated from the beginning that he did not possess. And unlike him, Finn had been honest with her from the get-go.
It was a rare thing for her to smile, let alone have happiness driving it out of her rather than pure exhaustion from her life. The irony of being a top surgeon's daughter, dating a top surgeon, trying to become a top surgeon, being financially stable, but so depressed that some days you'd hope God would finally put you out of your misery and that you'd go to bed and never wake.
Closing her eyes, Meredith mentally assessed her life. Her father had left when she was five. Her mother had cared more for her career than her daughter, but Meredith understood that Ellis Grey, world-renowned surgeon, had done the best she could. That despite all the arguments, all the milestones in Meredith's life that Ellis had missed her mother did love her unconditionally. Whether anyone understood the logic behind that conclusion, she didn't care. It was what she knew deep down. Every mother-daughter relationship was complicated in its own way, especially that of a career-driven woman whose love life had sucked and a girl whose work ethic had developed too late for her mother's liking.
Opening her eyes and wiping the tears that had escaped during her assessment, Meredith made her choice. For once in her life, she wanted simple, and with that, came the easiest decision she'd ever made. A man, who could show his unconditional love for her, who could provide fun and happiness, who could help her finally come to terms with the depression she'd face for as long as she could remember.
Looking to Finn, she sighed and turned to Derek. She picked up the sides of her dress and walked toward him, where his smile broadened considerably and his hand reached to touch her face. Before he could, Meredith threw her hand up and slapped his away, where confusion replaced the happiness he had expected.
"Meredith?"
"I should slap you. I should take these heels I have on and ram them into your chest! You have, for the last time, made me your fool. Because of you," her voice grew, "I am officially a home-wrecker, a dirty mistress! How I ever considered you the love of my life is beyond me!"
"Meredith, please!" he interjected, but she cut in.
"No! You don't get to talk! For once I am making the better choice! For once I am not allowing myself to be won over by your charm, your inflated sense of entitlement, and your," she stopped to find another word, but was getting so worked up that her thoughts were becoming into incoherent babble, "hair! I hate you, for what you've made me! So again, I am telling you to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"
Picking up the sides of her dress again, she put her back to him and found that Finn was gone. She was tempted to turn again to Derek and push him over the railing, but rather than committing homicide, she ran down the corridor to the elevators, not caring that Derek was yelling after her, and frantically pushed the down button.
When she arrived on the floor below, she found Finn sitting on the bench outside the entrance and discovered her feet leading her to him. When the doors opened, she saw him look over his shoulder and furiously wiped at his eyes with the heels of his hands.
"Meredith?" he questioned, standing from his seat.
"I had to yell at Derek," she answered shortly. "I know that we have a long road ahead, or whatever, and a lot of stuff to get over and more getting to know you crap, but having it planned sounds very nice, to me."
His lips cracked into a smile and he couldn't help the laugh that escaped. "I seriously thought you had chosen Derek."
"I can be unpredictable sometimes," she shrugged her shoulders. "Now how 'bout that ride home? I believe there's someone more needing than I at the moment, like Izzie."
He nodded. "Yeah, we can stop for some food. Food helps the grieving process. At least, I found it did."
Meredith nodded, a smile finding its way to her face.
As she walked to his car, their arms linked, she didn't know for sure what was to come or how a serious relationship with McVet would have Cristina wise-cracking to her all day long, she believed she had made the right decision. No matter if they made it to their happy ending or not, Meredith could say that she had made a wise choice and believed her mother would be proud of her for not letting the awe of a brain surgeon misguide her.
There was the time I thought you were the one
Having some fun, getting it done
What an illusion
'Cause you were trying to take control of me
That couldn't be, I need to be free of this confusion
Don't give me a guilt trip, because I'm so over it
Leave me alone
Get out of my face
I'm tired of love
Feeling so misplaced
Time for you to go
'Cause I know I'm better off on my own
Leave me alone
This isn't gonna work
Don't call me on the phone
Because I'm all out of words
I'll face the unknown
Thinking about all the ways that I've grown
- The Veronicas, Leave Me Alone