I was so tired. Tired of looking. Tired of this battle. Tired of worrying.
I was at Alcatraz, looking for the man I had loved once. Maybe I even loved him now. After all, it was me who told him to get out. And John Allerdyce had listened. He took those words more seriously than I had wanted him to.
I knew Logan had killed Jean by now, because the waves of the Phoenix's powers had stopped. But in a way, the battle was still raging. It was raging inside me, Kitty Pryde, the girl who could go through anything except her own feelings. I was trying to stay hidden from the others, who were probably looking for me by now. But I was looking for him. I wanted to save John from what he needed to be saved from. I knew Magneto was cured. He was human now. John couldn't go back to him, so maybe he would come back with me.
Debris was burning all around me, and there was still smoke and objects flying in the air so you could barely see the night sky. Tears started to slowly slide down my face as I realized that this might not even be the end, it could just be the beginning.
"John." I said tentatively as I phased through the wreckage in my way.
"John!" I screamed, wanting to him to answer. A small voice said in my head, He would have been here by now if he heard you. I knew the voice was right. I knew he still cared about me because of the way he looked at me earlier this night when he saw me. His tough bad boy expression crumbled and he stared at me with a fiery look in his eyes, resuming his trademark expression only when Magneto put a hand on his arm, bringing him back to his world. I wanted to go back to the jet and leave when I saw that, but I knew I couldn't. I was an X-Man, wasn't I? One of the "good guys".
"Kitty!" A young man's voice rang through the night, breaking my thoughts. Bobby, I thought, wanting to ignore him forever. I knew he had fought John, but he didn't say anything about it. In some way I knew John had lost the fight, Bobby either killing or hurting him. I turned around to see where Bobby was, so I could run away once I saw him. I met his two icy blue eyes, and I turned away and began to run, ignoring his shouts. I heard another voice mingled with his, and I knew Peter was also trying to get to me. I ran faster, knowing that Peter's large strides would soon catch up to me, even if I was fast. I heard metal clanging not too far away, so I ran faster; faster than I had run when Juggernaut was chasing me.
"Katya!" I heard Peter yell, but I didn't listen. The only voice I would listen to was John's.
"John!" I screamed, wanting him to save me like I wanted to save him. I wanted him to protect me, and show me the burning passion he had.
Peter and Bobby were getting closer, now less than a foot away. My emotions were mixing together, and I couldn't sort them out, and I couldn't phase through them either. I fell to my knees, sobbing, as I felt two hands grab my shoulders lightly. I turned to face Bobby and Peter, still crying.
"Where is he!" I yelled desperately, wanting to kick them both where it hurt. Couldn't they see I had to look for someone?
"Kitty, I-" Bobby said, looking both guilty and sympathetic.
"You what!" I shrieked through my tears.
"I hurt him, and the Phoenix might have- and he's not where I left him- he's not any-" he started to say, but stopped once he saw my expression of anger and anguish on my face. What I did next shocked all of us. I phased through Peter's grasp and jumped onto Bobby, knocking him down, so I was on top of him when he landed. I looked into his eyes for a moment; unable to register that John was- might be-
"Kitty!" I heard someone shout as I walked down the hallway of Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. I turned to face John Allerdyce, the resident bad boy. He didn't look so bad to me, I thought as I met his nervous blue eyes, trying to look like he wasn't "phased" by anything. I admired his attractiveness, trying not to look like I was felling the same way as him.
"Would you-", he said, pausing, "Would you like to come with me to that café in town? You know, where people have coffee?" he asked quickly, looking around to see if anyone had heard.
"I'd love to." I said happily, smiling brightly at him.
"How could you leave him?" I whispered. Bobby stared back at me in a stony silence.
"Kitty, come here." I heard John say. I turned around to face him, his face red and holding flowers.
"Oh John." I whispered, breathless at his romantic gesture. I walked over to him, taking his warm hands.
"Thank you." I said before I leaned in and kissed him, feeling his surprise, and then his smile as he kissed me back, warming every part of me.
"You killed him!" I screamed, beating my fists at Bobby, but going through him before my hands made contact with his chest, so I wouldn't hurt him.
"Leave then, if you think that." I shouted angrily, glaring at John, who was casually flicking his lighter, as if I meant nothing to him, even though I knew he cared. Maybe he was just too afraid to show it. Tears were streaming down my face, and I didn't want to have this fight with the person I loved.
"Fine, I will leave." He said quietly, his eyes angrily flaring with a fiery look before he walked out of the door, every step breaking my heart. I stood where I was for a moment, and then closed my bedroom door quietly. I ran back to my bed, sobbing before I even buried my face in the pillow. I phased under my bed, crying silently as I replayed the fight I just had with John.
"Don't ever-" I whispered angrily through my tears, angry but tired, sad but scared. Bobby just stayed where he was, looking as if probably killing his former best friend had no effect on him. I could feel Peter grabbing for me, but I just went through his tangible metal hands.
I was ready. I ready for Alcatraz. Or so I thought. I was phasing through everything being thrown at me, and I was trying to defend myself. I glared at the mutant throwing objects at me with his telekinesis, and he wasn't leaving me alone. I was getting tired and I wasn't sure if I could keep phasing through everything he was throwing at me. Just when I was ready to give up, the mutant suddenly yelped and the object flying toward me dropped. My eyes grew wide with amazement as I saw he was on fire.
I looked up and met blue eyes, flickering with its owner's fire. He hurt his own teammate to help me, I thought as I stared into his eyes, watching his expression change. His face crumbled as I looked at him. I wanted to tell him everything; that I was sorry, I miss him, anything to make him come back to me, but I couldn't.
"Kitty!" and "Pyro!" both rang through the night, Logan yelling my name, and Magneto angrily yelling his, probably because he saw what John did to his Brotherhood member. We both turned our heads to our leaders, and the moment was gone.
"No!" I wailed, sobbing harder than ever, realizing that he was gone. I forgot to phase, my emotions effecting my power, and I let myself pound Bobby's chest, and I let Peter grasp my shoulders and pull me away from Bobby.
"John!" I shouted over and over as Bobby picked me up, carrying me away. I stopped yelling when we walked by fire, and I knew John had been there.
Storm's concerned questions passed through me as Bobby carried me through the debris, Peter following close behinds. I didn't hear Mr. McCoy ask if I was all right as Bobby put me down on a seat in the jet. I didn't feel Logan embracing me, even though he was suffering as well; holding me so hard so I wouldn't slip through his grasp like sand. I didn't say anything on the way home. I didn't want to feel anything. If he was gone, I was gone. With this thought, I stared straight ahead, ignoring the anger and sadness that kept pushing at me. As far as I knew, it wasn't there. I wasn't here.