I own the six Harry Potter books but I don't own anyone or thing that you recognize (sob, cry scream, break the glass ornament next to me) and the only things I do own is the Killer Grasshoppers and me and my friend Tyem Marodyor own the Killer Cobras (watch out Charlie).
It was shaping up to be an average day for the Marauders.
"So Padfoot, what's today's plan?" James Potter said
"Ok first on the list for you Prongs, umm… Lily Evans date for the 500th time." Sirius said.
"Then?" James said rumpling his hair.
"Breakfast for all of us." Remus said.
"Prank on Snivellus." Remus concluded after snatching the list from Sirius.
"Marvelous!" Sirius said softly.
"So what's it today?" James asked casually.
"Umm it says here, killer grasshoppers." Remus said puzzled.
"Yes! Finally! The killer grasshoppers are coming!" James yelled punching the air.
"Luckily it's the weekend so we have plenty of time to do this." Peter said.
"WHAT?" bellowed James and Sirius in unison.
"It HAS to be TODAY, Wormtail." Sirius said.
"Why?" Peter whined
"We have Quidditch practice today and tomorrow, ALL afternoon." James said.
"And Prongs can't miss it he's Quidditch captain." Sirius said angrily.
"And I'm the star chaser!" Sirius added.
"You are?" Peter said.
"Honestly do you watch the Quidditch?" Sirius said.
"Yes. But I always thought that was Jones, Padfoot." Peter said.
"Did you just say I look like JONES?" Sirius demanded.
"Yes." Peter said stupidly.
"So you say that I look like a girl?" Sirius said angrily.
"Yes. In a way you look like Jones." Peter said.
Sirius rounded on Peter with his wand.
"I think he means that Jones's fringe looks like your hair. I mean you both have black hair and your hair does fall into your eyes like her fringe." Remus said wearily.
"Still. I look like a girl he says." Sirius said shooting a very dirty look at Peter.
"Oh get over it will you?" Remus said.
"No!" Sirius said indigently
"The killer grasshoppers are ready!" James said
"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" James laughed.
"Yes! Time to give old Snivelly a lesson of the painful sort." Sirius said with an evil grin.
"Then we can get Regulus too!" Remus said.
"Even better! This is just making my day even better!" Sirius said, happy at the thought of cursing his brother into smithereens.
"Get your killer cobras ready too Prongs I think we'll give old Reggie the grasshoppers. He won't know what hit him he's even thicker than Wormtail!" Sirius said happily.
"Ok then, killer cobras for Snivelly and killer grasshoppers for Reggie." James said.
When Severus Snape awoke that morning he saw a note next to his bed, and it was in a familiar hand that he loathed with all the strength he had.
Hellooo Snivelly our friend.
Just thought you might wanna not move from your dorm if you know what's good for you.
You know who this is from, we know you do.
Snape did not look twice at that note. Those idiots weren't gonna scare him again.
He knew better, them idiots.
He came out of his room and saw someone else freaking out really bad.
"Argh Snape what do I do? I gotta note saying something's gonna get me!" Regulus Black said sacredly, causing Bellatrix to walk over to him.
"You idiot it's only your stupid brother and my worthless cousin so just ignore it those idiots are all talk no walk." Bellatrix hissed.
"Just ignore it and don't embarrass your poor, poor cousin." Snape said, (he and Bellatrix never got along.)
"Ok, the cobras are in Snivelly's dorm and the killer grasshoppers are in Reggie's room." Sirius said smiling with glee.
"So, umm James what will the cobras do to old Snivelly?" Remus enquired.
"I told them to eat him so we don't have see his ugly face again." James said, cleaning his glasses.
"What about the grasshoppers?" Remus said.
"Ooh they are in old Reggie's dorm and are probably hiding, waiting for him to walk in the room and then, they'll savage him! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" James said.
"That will make my mum happy!" Sirius said.
At dinner that night, there was no sign of Snape at the Slytherin table. Regulus was covered in bite marks and bandages.
"We got em!" James said hi fiving with Sirius and Remus.
"Oh crap. My mum is gonna said me a howler tomorrow." Sirius said.
"Why?" Peter said stupidly.
"Why do you think?" Sirius snapped at Peter.
"Is it because you've wrecked his face for good?" James said in mock concern.
"Nah, it's more the fact I have set them on him and he will now be mentally scared for life." Sirius said.
"Here comes Jones." James said sniggering.
"Shut up you idiots." Sirius said not forgetting about the argument he had with Peter that morning.
"hey." Lily said walking past James whose jaw dropped.
"Hey Lily. Do you wanna go out with me on this weekend?" James said for the 500th time that year.
"Um yeah…" Lily said nervously
"Wha? Really?" James said.
"yeah." Lily said.
"Pinch me someone." James said.
"I'll hit you if you want." Lily said drawing her hand back.
"I'm fine thanks." James said.
"Are you sure?"
"Don't worry no sugar." Sirius said winking at Lily who retaliated and instead brought her hand down on Sirius.
"OW!" Sirius said rubbing his arm.
"Don't you dare wink at me! And where the hell did you hear that?" Lily said glaring at Sirius.
"I have my ways. And what do you have against winking anyway?" Sirius said.
"It's against my religion, I'm a Nowinkian."
"What's religion?" James and Sirius said in unison, as they grew up in wizardring families.
"It's something you follow. Like a set of rules."
"What do you have against rule breakers?" James said.
"Everything and it's a mystery to the world how you became head boy." Lily said.
"Are you still going out with me?" James said.
"Yup." Lily said.
"Good." James said.
"Jams, where are we going?" Lily said.
"Why do you call me Jams?" James said.
"Why do they call you Prongs?" Lily snapped.
"I love them fiery." Sirius said thoughtfully, but he soon regretted it as Lily's hand came down on him again.
"Shove off if you know what's good for you." Lily said aggressively.
"What'd I do?" Sirius said.
"You just practically said that you like her in a way." Remus said wearily.
"So yeah I like Evans she's a good friend." Sirius said.
"In another way." Remus said once more.
Sirius sat there and screamed, "EEEEEEEEEW!" this made many first and second years wear looks of alarm on their faces.
"My thoughts exactly." Lily said watching Sirius run around the Common Room, looking for Fire Whisky to eliminate this thought.
"Fire whisky, fire whisky, need Fire Whisky! Oi! You! 6th year any fire whisky?" Sirius yelled.
The 6th year thought, 'how does he know.'
"Look I'll give you five galleons for it, I need it." Sirius whined.
"Ok." the 6th year pulled some out of his bag.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Sirius said gulping some down.
"that is NOT good." James said as Sirius started singing the Puddlemere United club song.
"Oh we are Puddlemere Forever we will always prevail. We are the most fantastic team of all! Old Puddlemere United, all for one and one for all and you will fall at our feet! We are the good old green and blue!" Sirius sang, drunkly.
"Sirius! Sirius! SIRIUS!" James yelled shaking his now maniacally laughing friend.
"Jams, it's no use. He's drunk. He won't remember this in the morning. Thank god it's the weekend otherwise he'd be hung over on a school day." Lily said.
"Quit it with the Jams thing." James whined.
"Well, oh no more comebacks are in my head right now." Lily said.
"So my Lily flower what would you like to do tomorrow?" James said, putting an arm around Lily.
"Run away from you." Lily said.
"Why, you just said you'd go out with me." James said looking hurt.
"I can still run away from you, cuz that doesn't mean I want you near me all the time." Lily said smiling.
"But…" James said.
This is the last paragraph of this story and I am very sorry to say that the Fire Whisky that Sirius drank on that faithful night was a dud, it was 60 alcohol and Sirius never recovered from that.
That is why he was laughing when he was arrested for killing 12 Muggles and Peter Pettigrew, (the filthy rat).
Azkaban made him come back to his senses and he was sane once more, that's why everyone thought he was mad.
Lily was just mucking around with Jams on that night, they were married and were murdered by Lord Voldemort and their amazing son Harry overthrew Voldemort.