A/N: Ok. This is my first attempt at writing a slash fic. I may be great at it and I may suck at it. Tell I suck and I will discontinue the story and continue to read slashes and not butcher them. Please don't tell me I suck! So anyway, here goes!

Summary: Peter adores Remus, and Sirius. He is also homophobic. What happens when they decide to play a prank on him about their sexual preferences? Takes place in 6th year marauders era.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters except for the ones I make up. If I do happen to somehow make money off of this it goes to J.K.R.


It was a sunny day on the Hogwarts grounds and almost every student was out by the lake watching the giant squid make little splashes with its tentacles. It was the kind of day that would have made anyone want to stretch out under a tree and drift lazily off to sleep.

The Marauders however were in the deserted great hall putting permanent sticking charms to dung bombs then placing them on the bottom of Snape's chair. It was a brilliant plan, really. James had thought it up while practicing permanent sticking charms in charms class. It was May in their sixth year and they hadn't been the cause of any mischief since the end of March. That was saying a lot for the Marauders.

Peter was standing at the entrance of the Great Hall, in case anyone came. Remus was sitting on a chair, reading a book and pretending not to notice what his friends were doing. James was putting the sticking charm on the dung bombs while Sirius was handing him the dung bombs. It was the picture of absolute teamwork really. Well, except for Remus that is, but technically he was doing a good job of not reporting them to McGonagall.

Peter looked around nervously. It had been almost five minutes and no one had come. Peter narrowed his small eyes and opened the door to the great hall and looked out. He was starting to get suspicious.

Sirius poked James in the arm, noticing Peter's lack of attention on them. They shared a look that said "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sirius gave James a wolfish grin and slunk away from the dung bombs, crawling on all fours. Remus looked up from his book and gave Sirius a very prefect-like look. Sirius just smirked at him and continued with his plan of scaring the crap out of Peter.

Peter was still searching for anyone coming through the door, when he felt something huge land on his back. He fell forward with a loud "OOMPH" and raucous laughter from the one other boy and the dog that was currently in the process of turning back into a boy. Remus shook his head, grinned, and offered Peter his hand to help him back up.

"Can't you two just concentrate on the prank and not on jumping me," asked Peter rubbing his head.

"Peter actually does have a point, guys," Remus said while heaving Peter up from the floor. James was still howling with laughter. He glasses were askew as he wiped tears from his eyes. He applauded and gave Sirius a standing ovation.

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Come on Moony. The whole handing James the bombs thing was starting to get boring. And besides, your book reading was getting old". Remus sighed and looked at James; who was attaching the last dung bomb to the bottom of the chair.

"Can't wait till dinner tonight," the bespeckled boy said with a snicker. Sirius rubbed his hands together maliciously and threw his head back with an evil laugh and started creeping towards Peter.

"Yes," he said putting on a voice that sounded like the crypt keeper. "For when Dear Snivelly comes down to eat his fill there will be a stench awaiting that abnormally long nose of his". He then grabbed Peter by the neck and put him into a headlock. James cocked his head thoughtfully.

"You know Sirius; you do touch Peter an awful lot. If I didn't know any better, I would think that you're in love with him," said James. Sirius looked scandalized and opened his mouth to retort when he had a sudden thought. He smirked, put one hand on his hip and developed a limp wrist.

"Oh James! You Sherlock Holmes you! You've found me out, except for the fact that I love Peter. That was wrong. I am madly in love with Remus J. Lupin," He ran over to Remus and gave him a back-breaking hug. Peter look frightened. James was doubled over in laughter, and Remus was trying to pry Sirius off of him while Sirius was declaring his undying love and devotion to his lupine friend.

"Oh Remus, ever since the first day I met you I've had a fiery passion for you that was ever threatening to burn through my pants. Take me you beautiful creature you! Take me!"

James was now dying of laughter and Peter was still rooted to the ground; his mouth open in shock. Remus had finally managed to pry Sirius off of him and was also doubled over in laughter. He pointed an accusing finger at Sirius.

"You all saw it! I was just butt-raped by a member of the crazy and most homo house of Black!"

Now it was Sirius' turn to laugh. He placed a dramatic hand over his head. "Woe is me! My love will not return my affection! I have no more reason to live!" He stabbed himself with an imaginary knife and fell to the floor in a dramatic death scene. Remus knelt down beside him.

"Who says I didn't enjoy the butt-raping?" Sirius opened one eye. "Say what?"

"You heard me"

Sirius leaped up and took Remus by the arm. "Finally; my lust grows every second I'm not ravishing you! Come! Let me take advantage of you in the boys' dormitory" They started to exit the great hall with their arms around each others' waist. That is until:


The three boys turned around to face Peter. He looked pale and shaky.

"You two aren't gay!"

Sirius and Remus looked at each other quizzically until Remus decided to speak for the both of them.

"Of course we're not Peter. We were just playing around. Besides, why would you care so much?" He asked folding his arms. Peter shuffled his feet and looked down.

"Because that's just disgusting and I really don't want to poofs for friends"

Sirius looked a little angry. "Peter, are you saying that if we were, well…gay you wouldn't be friends with us anymore?"

"Well Yeah! That is really disgusting! I couldn't have the whole school know that you like each other like that,"

James spoke up and patted his friend on the back. "But Peter, you already are the laughing stock of the whole school," he said in what was supposed to be a caring manner.

"Well you don't have to worry about it anyway because we're not,' said Sirius.

Peter shrugged. "Alright; as long as it was only a joke".

James rubbed his hands together. "Good, now that that's settled I'd say we go out and enjoy what's left of this beautiful day," and he started for the door. Peter followed.

Remus started to follow but Sirius grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Not going to rape me again are you, Sirius. Because I'm saving it for marriage, thanks"

Sirius shook his head, looking exasperated.

"No, but I've thought of a nice little trick to pull on Messrs. Wormtail and Prongs".

"Do tell, my boy do tell".

"Well, first of all, are you okay with pretending to go out with a bloke?"

Remus thought for a while then: "Yes".

"Good because we're going to see just how loyal Jamsie and Peter are when they think we're going out".

Remus stared at Sirius. "That is bloody brilliant! They'll never suspect a thing. When do we put this plan into action?"

"Tomorrow sound good?"

Remus nodded. Peter appeared at the door. "Guys, come on. James has Snivelly hanging by his trousers again".

The two boys looked at each other and followed the small boy out onto the grounds.