THOUGHTS

CHAPTER ONE: ARYA

He's been dead almost a year now. It seems like a millennium. I hate Durza for what he did to me. If Eragon hadn't killed him I would have. I loved him, and then that Shade had to kill him… and my heart.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here

I remember when he died. I couldn't cry. I had to run else waste the life he gave for me to live. So I ran. Sometimes I regret doing so and wish I had died with him. But wishes can't come true. I cried later though. When I woke up in that cell, Durza probably thought I was crying from the pain of his beatings. But no, physical pain is nothing compared what I felt then or how I feel now.

And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

We had been lovers for many years. More then many live. He had been my companion and friend when I was little, and made me feel as if I was just a normal elf, and not the princess. His brown eyes had enchanted me, and his smile made me want to reflect it and I did.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

Then he was murdered and I now have another seeking my love that I do not return and never will. I love Eragon but as a younger brother and friend. Nothing more. He is sweet, but I had to hurt him. I tried warning him over the pain I would cause him if he tried to pursue me. But he was ignorant and foolish and I tore his heart to shreds. The look on his face when I did almost made me want to say I loved him

to, but I don't and that would have hurt him even more then I did. He will thank me one day for that. But right now he is trying to mend.

You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

Things shall return to normal once I return to the Varden. Eragon won't be chasing me and I will be left with my Faolin. The one man I will always love.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

But for now I will stay here with my daughter- yes we had a little girl now three year's old- and tell her stories of the father she never knew, and never will.

When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
And i've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

It's at times like these I wish I believed in Gods and the afterlife, but I don't.

So I will watch as this war goes on and fight in it, waiting for my time so I will no more have to suffer living without my dear sweet Faolin. Who knows this war may be a good thing to help get my mind off him. But for now I will wish until someone comes with some emergency to interrupt my dreams.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me

I've been alone all along