Whoa, um, okay. An update. Right. I don't even know how to do this anymore. So there's some homophobic stuff, and also the alternative view point. It's probably obvious that I think that homophobia is a load of crap, but I tried not to be inflammatory in either direction… we'll see how that worked. Oh, and also I so don't think all southerners are against homosexuality. Just saying.
There's a couple shout outs to Mistressmarrionette in here, so go read her stuff because it's awesome!
"Seriously, I'm telling you, it's not going to be Robin and Starfire!" Hank shouted, practically foaming at the mouth. Arguments tended to get very spirited at the Hive, and it was in an arena that he felt was a major part of his expertise. Actually, he felt most arenas were parts of his expertise. He said it was because he was from another planet, so he had the ability to see this shit-storm for what it was. The others said it was because he was an elitist little brat, and he should suck it. Except Elliot, he just made faces.
Mikron disagreed. "Every time you see them they're looking at each other like they want to jump each other's bones," he scoffed. "It's disgusting. If they could just get off the sexual tension wagon, our lives would be that much more bearable."
Hank shook his head. "Doesn't matter," he said firmly. "She's the princess of her freaking planet, especially so since her sister went batshit, she's gonna marry some prince or another. Or a noble. It's a monarchy." His planet would give up at least five of the planets in their growing territorial expansion if they had the chance to take out that monarchy.
"I'm going to have to agree with Hank," Billy said. He felt obligated since Hank pretty much did anything he said, so he ought to return the favor. Seymour muttered, "big surprise," under his breath. Billy continued. "Not because of the princess thing, but because they're both way too wimpy to do anything about anything. I give them a couple almost kisses, followed by red faces and stammering. That's it. No way he has it in him to get laid."
"So what about Robin and Raven?" Seymour questioned. "They could drown in their overly-dramatic emo angst together. You know, 'the world is too dark for any sort of light; we are empty soulless abysses colliding through the atmosphere. Wanna make out?' That sort of thing."
Jinx scowled at him for besmirching her kind-of idol. "They'd eat each other alive with the seriousness of everything. She's going to end up with someone way more hardcore than the walking fire hazard." She considered Raven the Jinx of the Titans, what with all the black magic and sarcasm. She nursed a private belief that Raven would rebel from the side of 'ma, apple pie, and Chevrolet.' Probably in a really violent way too. World ending sort of violent.
"Such as who?" Mikron asked. "Cyborg? Please. He doesn't even know how to find a way out of his own cybernetic ass without using a blueprint." Stone coughed uncomfortably.
Elliot made his fingers into a lion gesture, bared claws and all. "Beastboy?" Seymour asked, disbelief coloring his tone. "You can't be serious."
"I dunno, he's pretty hardcore." Billy said wickedly, looking over blatantly at Jinx. "Didn't he manage to crush a certain rhymes with bitch under a ceiling or something?" Jinx flipped him off.
"I was in rehabilitation for weeks asshole," she glared. "Oh, and it was so totally not my fault." She added as an afterthought.
"Rehabilitation?" Stone asked. He latched on to the only thing that made sense in the conversation. He was aware that people in the city paired up the Titans, but hadn't known how widespread, or how fervent, the arguments were. Being discussed by people while he was right there was disconcerting. Also, it didn't help that he had no idea about the realities of what they were discussing. Sometimes living in Titans Tower felt like living in a soap opera.
Jinx gave him a wry look. "Yeah, when you're crushed under the better half of a building it can take a while to get your body working again. I got lucky," she shrugged. "I only broke a few bones because I hexed what I could off before it hit me."
"Let's get back the point. It's not gonna be Beastboy," Seymour asserted. "She would kill him. He would end up as a grass stain on the pavement." He dragged his thumb against his palm to illustrate what exactly would happen when Beastboy made one awful joke at Raven's expense while they were dating.
"Can you blame her?" Mikron asked. "He is annoying as hell. She'd be doing the world a favor."
"Did you discover this at the tournament of heroes, perhaps?" Seymour inquired innocently as Elliot snickered. Stone reflected that Seymour looking innocent consisted of a smile filled with more teeth exposed than they rightfully should be. The Hive kids really seemed to like showing their teeth. If he had ever asked why they would have told him that dental was the only good thing about the Hive. Dental and mayhem.
"Oooh, yes, tell us how it is to be heroic. We are all desperate to know." Hank trilled, pressing his hands under his chin and fluttering his eyes.
"Screw you both," Mikron answered. "When I work out the logistics of an atomic disintegrator, you're all going to be dust."
"You haven't already?" Stone said, blinking innocently. A proper innocent look too, wide eyed and stupid. "Well, I'm sure you'll get there sooner or later. I remember how long it took." One of the best things about being a Hive student was baiting Mikron. Constantly. Without stop. And it never, ever got old. Especially since he took it better than Robin, and responded instead of throwing a hissy fit.
"Stone, you wouldn't know the proper configuration of an atom even if you were programmed to, you hulk of pebbles."
"You know I always thought Thunder and Lightening were together." Jinx remarked passively, and mostly to derail Stone and Mikron's endless verbal one-upmanship. It got so tiring that the Hive swore they would lock them in a closet together so they could either end the sexual tension or kill each other. Whichever got the job done quickest.
"I think they were brothers," Stone answered her rapidly. He liked Jinx, for a criminal, and he didn't want her to make such an error in pairing someone up. The Hive mocked errors ruthlessly.
"Incest then," she shrugged. "Worse things have happened." Stone blanched.
"You're a twisted freak," Billy said, with some admiration. There was nothing the Hive liked more than twisted freaks. They were far more fun, and better to have on your side than against you.
"Control Freak swears by Cyborg and Beastboy," Hank said mildly. Stone choked on some water he had unwisely swallowed. Him and BB? Ewww, mega ewww. Jinx patted him on the back indulgently.
"Dude, when in the hell have you been hanging out with CF?" Billy asked, appalled.
Hank colored, giving his face a strange brownish complexion. "I was just bored, and he's hard to get rid of. Seriously."
"Nah, that's only because CF totally wants Beastboy to be gay. He hella likes him." Seymour said easily.
"It's a Fact."
"I still stand by Cyborg and Robin." Jinx said casually. "They're both so obsessed with each other it's painful. And plus, Cyborg looked like he wanted to jump him when he came back from the dead the first time we fought them."
"Did he really?" Stone said faintly, "I'm sure he didn't look like that."
"No, he did. The entire team was practically writing poetry in their head, but Cyborg looked like he was foaming at the mouth he was so excited. I wouldn't be surprised if they had already done it"
Seymour looked at him wryly when he gagged. "You're a bit of a prude, aren't you? Or are you homophobic?"
Elliot scowled at him, his fierce glare the universal sign for 'you better not be, jackass.' Billy, never one to back down from something that could so clearly be a fight given the right pushing, bristled. He had come from a rich, southern, background, and although he hated everything his father stood for and more, some things stuck. "So what if he is? Two men sure as hell weren't intended to be together by whatever crackpot designed the universe." Seymour looked mutinous, and if Mikron rolling his eyes was anything to go by, he agreed.
"What crackpot is that honey?" Angel entered the room and said sweetly. Dangerously.
Billy scowled. "Angel, you can't think that's right. Two of the same should just not be doing it."
"You're just squeamish," Jinx snarled.
"Plus," Hank chimed in, like he always did. "If everyone was gay, you couldn't continue the species. Although, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing."
"Zip it you elitist quack. One person being gay doesn't make the whole world gay. It's not contagious." Mikron stated.
"It doesn't matter if it's right or not. I expect we won't know until we're gone. But it certainly exists, it would be better to just accept it." Angel said, responding to Billy's question.
"And she's like psycho religious," Seymour beamed.
Angel rolled her eyes, and diffused the situation before it could evolve into more fighting, complete with cracked walls. Billy had been raised in a very different environment than the rest, with the exception of Elliot because Lord knew where he came from, and sometimes he felt a bit ganged up on. Not that he would admit it. "What did all of this spring from?"
Stone was quick to grab at her olive branch and force it down the other's throats. "They were arguing about who of the heroes would have a relationship with the other." Seymour mouthed 'have a relationship?' at Elliot, who just shrugged.
"We were on Robin and Cyborg, and their obvious sexual frustration." Jinx said eagerly.
"Now, now, Jinx. A lady doesn't talk about these sorts of things," Angel said. "Especially when so obviously wrong. We all know who Robin is going to end up with."
"Who?" Stone asked.
"Slade of course. His obsession gives him no other recourse. And if he ever wants to get over assuming he's a part of every case, he needs to release all of his pent up urges." Angel said demurely, folding her hands in her lap.
"Oh my god," Mikron said, a broad smile overtaking his face. "It's obvious!"
"Seriously," Hank agreed.
"I believe," Seymour announced, standing on his chair and waving his arm dramatically, "that we have just encountered a Fact!" Elliot clapped and whistled shrilly. Billy shrugged, and then nodded.
When he was finally back in his room, Stone checked in with the Titans. Starfire hovered joyfully, and offered to make him a mustard and spinach milkshake when he returned, the art of which she had just learned from friend Beastboy. Raven's face softened slightly when she saw him. Beastboy's voice cracked as he excitedly showed Stone all he had done with the robot he left behind. The robot was wearing a hula outfit, complete with coconuts.
Robin watched his team fondly, and turned to him. "Found anything Cyborg?" Stone blinked, remembering in a jolt that his name was actually Cyborg.
"Not yet," he replied easily. "They've only just started to really trust me. Only with things like names though." 'Which I'm not telling you,' he added to himself. It was bad enough that he was going to betray the school of people who had been their version of kind to him; he wasn't going to do it to them personally as well.
Robin didn't ask, just nodded reasonably. "I have something else I'd like you to check up on. I think there's a possibility that Slade might be involved. It seems like his… Cyborg?"
Stone had been trying to hold in the laughter so desperately that he choked. "Nothing man," he gasped. "I'll totally look into it." He turned off communications so he wouldn't say something stupid and laughed for a good five minutes.