Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rating: PG-13 / Teen
I'm shocked when I see the spell connect. I watch in stunned awe as he crumbles to the ground. I feel suddenly detached from myself. It's like I'm an intangible observer. I see his body, I see my face, I hear the sounds of more fighting, I see flashes of light of spells cast. It's all meaningless. Nothing matters except one thing: I did it. He's dead.
A horrible pain rips through me, abruptly pulling me back into my body. My knees give out and I crash to the ground. I feel like I'm being torn in two. The pain is intense. It's all I feel. I dimly realize that I'm screaming. Everything ceases. There is no time, no place. There is only pain, unbelievable pain like I have never felt before.
Suddenly the pain is gone. My throat is raw from screaming, my body numb and my senses dulled. I'm trembling on the ground in aftershocks of convulsions and one thing is perfectly clear. I'm dying.
Can you believe it? The Great Harry Potter finally defeats his foe and instead of joining in celebration he's lying in the dirt slowly dying. It's an oddly fitting end to my shitty life.
I think that I should have seen this coming. Did I really believe it was possible for me to live happily ever after? What a joke. After everything that's happened, all the pain I felt and witnessed, the manipulation of my life by others, the torture, the dreams, the fights, the lose of loved ones…how could I have ever thought I'd live through this?
I know why I'm dying. It's something I should have seen, something I should have understood. I always knew Voldemort and I were connected…I guess I never realized how much.
Someone is holding me now. I'm not sure who it is, my vision is all but gone. I guess the fighting has stopped. The Death Eaters never really know what to do without their Master.
Whoever is holding me is saying something. I can't make it out, all I can hear is a horrible ringing in my ears. I assume it's reassurances that I'm going to be fine, that they'll fix me up and I'll be on my feet again in no time. I can't even shake my head in denial.
I really wish someone would end it. Instant death would be a blessing right now.
I wonder if he did this on purpose. I wonder if he is responsible for strengthening our connection so much. So much that I'm dying a slow painful death because I finally killed him.
Seems like something that would please him greatly.
It's strange how everything becomes so clear as you die. I see everything that has ever happened with perfect clarity now. I understand why things happened, I understand how things happened, I realize the motivations of others and I can finally comprehend every nuance of myself.
I feel the last is the most important. I never truly understood everything about myself. I never understood the precarious balance between dark and light in my soul. I never realized how dangerous I am…or rather was. I knew how dangerous it was to be around me, to be part of my life, but not how dangerous I was.
There's more. It's all here in front of me, but the pain is growing and I feel my body continue to weaken.
It's only a matter of time now.
The worst part is that there are so many things that will be left unsaid. He'll never know what he means to me, how truly grateful I am of him for being in my life, being there for me when others couldn't. She'll never know how much I love her, how silly me had dreams of marrying her and having a family together.
At least I know my death won't be for nothing. I did take him with me after all. For now, they're safe.
I let that knowledge comfort me as I allow my eyes to close for the final time.