Hey, this is my first fanfic, so, bear with me I may not be very good at it... My story picks up 5 months after Marissa's death and in case you're a taylor/ryan shipper then maybe you'd want to skip the prologue. It's not for taylor/ryan fans. Also this prologue is really for those people who don't know what has happened between them, as a background. I wrote it for a friend of mine who hasn't seen the o.c but still wanted to read the story. So feel free to just skip it if u're getting bored.

It's my point of view of what happened between them over the years. Well, in the story its Seth's point of view. Ryan and Marissa's relationship is a little less harsh than on the show (mostly about the Johnny part because I really think that josh had run out of ideas to show trouble between them) but I needed to show it that way to lay the background on my future chapters. Also Seth's character is more serious than normal, but rest assured it is only for this chapter. In the next chapters we will have the Seth that we love and adore so read and reviews are welcome. I firmly believe that everyone has their own set of opinions and therefore I will not try to change them. But this is mine, so enjoy…

Prologue

He watched her sitting there, all alone, a thin strip of a girl, her blonde hair blowing in the wind, her eyes staring out in the ocean, her face full of an incomprehensible question mark. Her hands gripped the sand beneath, trying to hold it as it kept slipping further and further away. He walked towards her…

S eth: hey, Taylor sailor, whatcha doing?

She looked up.. Surprise on her face,

Taylor: wallowing in my misery. And that's a bad nickname.

Seth: ah, well, I've learned from a pro. Summer once called Marissa, Cooper-Scooper.

Taylor: ah… Marissa!

Seth looked at Taylor. Clearly she was having some post- mortem problems.

Seth: need some company?

Taylor: sure, why not? Its not like the sand is giving me any, it keeps slipping away..

Seth: wonder why?

They both stare at the ocean for a while, lost in their own thoughts.

Seth: so tell me again, why aren't you out following that lip sucking, face smacking friend of mine like you've been doing for the past month?

Taylor: maybe because he doesn't want to be anywhere near me.

Seth: that's unlike him. (Smirking, 'coz Ryan had done exactly that for the better part of the month)

Taylor: it's very like him, when he is thinking about Her.

Seth looked at Taylor.

Seth: That might explain it.

Taylor: (sighed) it's been five months, but even now there are times when he just zones off. And if I try asking him about her, he just shuts up. I really don't know what to do.

He had seen this coming but he wanted to know why.

Seth: why did you ask him about her?

Taylor looked at Seth. It was important that Seth understood.

Taylor: I just thought that maybe if I could understand their relationship better, understand what they had better, I could help him deal with it.

Seth: I don't think you can. I don't think anyone can. Not in this.

Taylor: will you tell me about them? About Ryan and Marissa?

Seth: the famously infamous couple? I am not sure I am the right person to.

Taylor: right now, you are the only person who could, and I am desperate.

Seth: it's a lot of stuff..

Taylor: I have a lot of time..

Seth looked at her hopeful expression, at the really pleading look in her eyes. She was watching him like a drowning person would watch a raft. He wasn't sure he could even do justice to it, but for her he would try!

Seth: Okay, so Ryan and Marissa, I don't even know from where to begin. There is so much to tell.

Taylor: why don't you start at the start? The day he first met her..

Seth: that would have to be four years back. The very first day that Ryan came to Newport. She was the first person that Ryan met. You wouldn't have recognized him back then, he was so different.

Taylor: you mean different from what he is now?

Seth: very. He was one of the most hurt, alone and lost kids I have ever seen.

Taylor: why?

Seth: maybe because his dad was in jail, his brother was in jail, his mom was an alcoholic and her boyfriend threw him out.

Taylor: oh!

Seth: he had no one to turn to, except his attorney. That was my dad. And my dad took pity on him and brought him home. That was the day he first met her. I think for him it was like meeting a long lost friend when he had no one else and nothing else going for him in his life and I think it was the same for her. They just connected, I guess, on a level that we only wish that we could understand!

Taylor: what? Like love at first sight?

Seth: oh, I think it was more than that. It was an understanding that passed between them, to stand by each other come what may, that very first night that they met. And they did, in more ways than one. That is the closest I can come to describing it, really.

Taylor: I remember Marissa Cooper from four years back. She was this girl whom everyone wanted to be like. Always so popular, grade point averaging A, social chair, really beautiful. I think I was really jealous.

Seth: Hold that thought. She was that and so much more. She had one of the hardest lives I have ever seen. I don't think I would want anyone to have that kind of life.

Taylor: why? People dream about being like her.

Seth: oh, if only they knew the harsher reality behind those dreams.

Seth stared into the ocean remembering the girl he had known for three years, remembering what she had meant to all of them. How could he explain to this girl the moments that they had shared, the times that they still cherished? She had been like a burning flame. All people could see was the light and the shine that she emitted, they couldn't see the fact that underneath it all, she burnt.

Seth: so where was I? Oh yeah, so when Ryan came, my mom did not want him in the house, seeing as Ryan was a felon. He had helped his brother steal a car. But that is another story all together. My mom decided that he should go to foster care but Ryan did not want that. he decided to take off and flee to Mexico instead. I did not want him to go, seeing as he was my only friend, so I took him to this place, this construction home that my mom owned. It was called "the model home". It became Ryan and Marissa's model home later.

Taylor: because they first got together there?

Seth: (chuckled) no, because they first broke up there, even before they went out!

Taylor: what?

Seth: (grinned) Marissa was with Luke back then.

Taylor: the water polo captain?

Seth: the very same. Still she decided to come with us that day, help Ryan settle down, even though she barely knew him. They began talking that night and I think they each told the other everything about their lives, Stuff that they couldn't share with anyone before.

Taylor: Ryan talked?

Seth: with her, he always talked, ever since the first moment. So anyway, the night before Ryan was going to leave Newport forever, Marissa was at one of those Newport parties. Somebody, I think Luke, abused Ryan, and Marissa couldn't take it. She just left, walked out on Luke straight to the model home.

Taylor: Ryan must have been happy.

Seth: Ryan told her to get out, told her they were from two different worlds and this wouldn't work.

Taylor: and she left?

Seth: no. She told him that it wasn't true, that they weren't that much different, that she had never felt this way with any one before. And Ryan still told her to go away, to leave. And he was pretty harsh about it.

Taylor: why?

Seth: I don't know. I think Ryan felt he didn't deserve her. I think he felt that if she stayed, if they spent the night, he would never be able to leave her and go. I don't know. Bt the bottom line was that in spite of the fact that he desperately wanted her, he made her go away.

Taylor: that must have broken her heart.

Seth: yeah it did.

Taylor: then what happened?

Seth: one way or the other, my mom finally accepted Ryan and he stayed back in Newport.

Taylor: and they got together?

Seth: not quite. You see, on one hand there was her mom and pretty much all of her friends who believed that Luke was perfect for her and on the other hand there was Ryan, an ex-felon, with no family, living in someone else's pool house, whom she wasn't even sure, wanted her much.

Taylor: ouch, tough choice to make. What did she chose?

Seth: can't you guess?

Taylor: Luke?

Seth: no, Ryan

Except she took a lot of time choosing and when she did come back for Ryan, she saw him making out in the pool house with another woman.

Taylor: that must have hit her hard.

Seth: very. It sent her straight back to Luke's arms.

Taylor: oh oh. Then what happened?

Seth: trip to Tijuana. That was the biggest fiasco I have ever been a part of and I have been a part of many. Marissa didn't want to come to T.J at all but summer convinced her to. And since we were the only ride left she had to come with us, which neither Ryan nor Marissa were happy about. Anyways, to cut a long story short, I ran our car off the road and we had to spend the night at a sleazy motel.

Taylor: did Ryan and Marissa get back together then?

Seth: they hadn't really started going out in the first place but I know what you mean. And to answer your question, they couldn't. That was the night Marissa's dad called to tell her that he and her mom were going to get a divorce and that he might go to jail and Marissa was devastated. The next day when we finally reached T.J Marissa caught Luke cheating on her with holly, and I think she just snapped, with all that was going on in her life. She took summer's mom's pills and O.D'd on them.

Taylor: oh shit.

Seth: that's when Ryan rescued her. Not only in T.J but later from her mom too. Marissa's mom wanted to send her to a mental institution and Ryan prevented it.

Taylor: wow!

Seth: yeah, it was a sight, Ryan taking on Julie cooper!

Taylor: and Ryan and Marissa got together.

Seth: they did. By that point they were so close to each other, so in love with each other, that it wasn't really a question anymore. They felt they could tell each other anything, share with each other anything, and the other would accept.

Taylor: this sounds like a fairytale.

Seth: it would have been, except for Oliver trask!

Taylor: who is Oliver?

Seth: some guy Marissa picked up during her visits to the psychiatrist.

Taylor: she was going to see a psychiatrist? Why?

Seth: well for one, she had overdosed, whatever the reason might have been, and for the other, she was caught shoplifting and drinking. She wouldn't have gone but Ryan convinced her to, coz he thought it was for her own good. And she went, for him. That's where she met Oliver. He played Ryan against Marissa all the while creating doubts in both of their minds coz he was in love with Marissa. Ryan tried telling her that the guy was crazy but she didn't believe him, and it really hurt him that after all they had been through she still wouldn't believe him, until Oliver drew a gun on Marissa.

Taylor: oh shit

Seth: nothing happened. Ryan reached there just in time to save her, but by now she had broken his trust beyond repair and Ryan broke off with her.

Taylor: this is so sad.

Seth: it was, for both of them, because none of them had stopped loving each other, none of them had stopped caring. But by now, Ryan just didn't feel that he could trust her again with his heart, so he had a fling with Teresa. It lasted only a few days, long enough for him to realize that he couldn't be with her and they got back together.

Taylor: and then they got there happily ever after?

Seth: not quite!

Taylor: what else could have gone wrong?

Seth: well, Teresa got pregnant, and she told Marissa about it. Marissa had to be the one to tell Ryan that he was the father.

Taylor: oh God!

Seth: but she supported Ryan through it all, no questions asked. Finally when Teresa decided to have the baby, she even let Ryan go, when she was the only one who could have stopped him!

Taylor: why would she do that? Let the love of her life just walk away?

Seth: because that's the way they are with each other. That's the way they love each other, that's the way they care for each other. She knew that Ryan wasn't the kind of person who would let his son grow up without a father and she just didn't want him to make that kind of choice, so she made it for him. She let him go. I think it was the hardest decision she made, watching him walk out of her life.

Taylor: what happened then?

Seth: Ryan came back.

Taylor: that must have been a very happy moment.

Seth: that look on their face, when they first saw each other, that's one of the happiest looks I have ever seen. It was like magic.

Taylor: then they took off where they left.

Seth: they wanted to. They almost did, but then Ryan caught Marissa kissing the yard guy.

Taylor: what? Why? She was clearly in love with Ryan.

Seth: and Ryan wasn't coming back. He had gone with Teresa. I don't know why she did it but my guess is that when Ryan left she got really lonely and the yard guy was there. But anyways, that kiss that Ryan saw, that was a good-bye kiss. She was breaking up with D.J (yard guy). So in one moment Marissa lost the love of her life and the yard guy.

Ryan decided he wasn't having anything to do with Marissa, wasn't even willing to listen to her name for a while there. Except I thought it weird that he was there for her just when she needed him. But then, that's Ryan and Marissa for you.

Taylor: how did they get back together?

Seth: Marissa helped Ryan with something. Trey, that's Ryan's brother, got out of jail and he didn't have a place to live. Ryan didn't want him anywhere near him because he was trey, but Marissa helped Ryan realize that underneath all the anger, he really wanted trey, no needed him, seeing as he was the only family Ryan had left. She helped trey in all the ways that she could, bailing him out of a few areas, and thus helped Ryan.

Taylor: so then they got back together.

Seth: that's the thing, even if she wouldn't have done this, they would still have gotten back together. They could never stay apart from each other for long. But this just speeded up the process a little bit.

Taylor: don't tell me something else went wrong.

Seth: Trey tried to rape Marissa.

Taylor: oh my God!

Seth: and Marissa didn't tell Ryan coz she knew how Ryan would react, knew it would break whatever friendship Ryan and Trey had managed to form. But Ryan knew something was up. He could read Marissa very well, except in this case he thought trey and Marissa might have had an affair.

Taylor: I am sure Marissa told him the truth then.

Seth: she didn't. She knew Ryan would kill trey if he found out. But then Ryan came back to her anyways coz I think deep down Ryan really trusted her and wouldn't believe that she could do something like that.

Taylor: how sweet. But Ryan should have been told the truth. What if Trey tried the same thing again?

Seth: that was my logic at the time too. I told Ryan what happened when I found out and turns out Marissa was right. I have never seen Ryan so angry as then. He just snapped. He went after trey to kill him. Marissa reached there just in time to see trey killing Ryan and she knew she had only one choice left.

Taylor: what?

Seth: she shot trey with his own gun.

Taylor: oh my God!

Seth: trey was in a coma that entire summer of the third year, and life was horrible for both of them. They didn't know what was going to happen, everything was hanging, waiting for trey to wake up.

Taylor: I feel so bad. I acted so horribly towards her.

Seth: everyone did back then, except the 3 of us who knew the truth. She had always been on a pedestal her entire life, the most popular girl, the most beautiful girl, the social chair and all of a sudden she had become a murderer. It didn't matter to them that she had done that to save someone's life, it didn't matter to them that she had not gone to jail, its like her life was already ruined. What was remarkable about the whole thing was that she could just as easily have stayed on the pedestal, shrugged the whole thing off, blamed the whole thing on Ryan, coz the police already did. But she didn't do that. She stuck by him through it all, even when his own brother wouldn't.

Taylor: wow!

Seth: except it wasn't, not for Marissa at least. She got kicked out of harbour, went to public school, lived in a trailer park, and life never was the same for her anymore.

Taylor: how did Ryan handle all of it?

Seth: by being with her throughout, by supporting her throughout, by loving her throughout. They had each seen the other at their best and their worst. I mean they had come to a point where they just didn't need words anymore. They could carry on entire conversations without speaking a word. It was creepy being in the same room with them some time. It was like they were married! It wasn't even a question in our minds much less theirs; it was only a matter of time.

Taylor: what went wrong?

Seth: it was a mixture of everything really! Ryan's inability to talk

Taylor: I thought Ryan could speak anything in front of her

Seth: but to really talk about Trey to her? Help her when she was having nightmares about Trey?

Taylor: okay, that's a tall order.

Seth: very tall. But mainly it was complicated by the fact that Marissa and Ryan each believed that they were responsible at ruining the others life, so they couldn't really talk. Then Marissa met Johnny. He was a kid in her school with whom she began talking about all this stuff and he in turn fell in love with her. That's when everything started. Ryan was increasingly jealous as Marissa increasingly began spending time with Johnny until one fine day Ryan gave her an ultimatum. Chose Johnny or me? And when Marissa chose Ryan, Johnny went mad and he slipped off a cliff!

Taylor: you mean he just..

Seth: yeah. Ryan was with him when that happened. After that Marissa just shut Ryan out. Too much had happened between them, she wouldn't talk to him, she'd begun drinking again. Ryan just couldn't take it anymore, and he broke off with her.

Taylor: that is so sad…

Seth: after that, she just went on a downward spiral, way down. She began taking drugs, drinking, bad company, and the works. Its like she lost touch with reality. She had lost too much. she had nothing left.

Taylor: what did Ryan do?

Seth: what does Ryan always do? He went after her, got her out of there, got her back on track. But this time they didn't get back even though both of them knew that they were desperately in love. I think it was Marissa's decision. She wasn't ready. She was too broken. She just wanted to get away. And I think a part of her wanted to leave for Ryan. The night of the accident, that was the night she was leaving, Ryan was driving. He had asked her one last favor, to let him be the last one to say goodbye. I think he wanted to tell her that he understood why she had to go away. He understood she needed this time for herself but nevertheless he still loved her and he always would. But he never got the chance. They got in an accident and Ryan has never been the same again. He just lost a part of himself that night, a part, which I don't think can be replaced.

Taylor: That is the saddest story I have ever heard. So much love, so much pain. I think I now understand why Ryan can never forget her. And also why he can never love me the way he loved her.

Seth: Wait, no. I didn't tell you this all this, so that you can give up on him.

Taylor: I didn't. He did. He gave me some weird reason about college and stuff, but I knew the real reason. He had dreamt of her again and he just couldn't bring himself to be with me how much ever he tried.

Seth: I am so sorry!

Taylor: no, don't be. I don't think it is my cup of tea saving Ryan or even making him whole. Only one person could do that.

Seth: and she is dead.