James...

...I—you—(sigh.) We've had a lot of adventures, you and me. Even if they were imaginary. Even if I've in fact never met you. ...Even if you don't exist but for the feeble imaginings of fanatics. It's all real to me. It...almost seems like we were kin.

But... (a small sob escapes) to watch you die...I-I ... it felt like someone had ripped my heart still beating from my breast and torn it into innumerable pieces that were blown away on the wind. Perhaps some of those pieces will find you, wherever you are...wherever you're going...wherever you've gone...

You died a hero. And I am so proud of you. But must you be so noble? Why could you not have been a coward and stayed alive? Why could you not have been tact and swift instead of lingering on heartfelt moments? Why?!(sob)

And now, every time I think of you, all I can think of is this. I can no longer imagine...the comfort of your embrace...the warmth of your smile...the gentle rumble in the distance that was your laugh...

I have my loopholes and ways of writing out or around what has happened, but...those chapters are far and away into the future. One day they will be writ. But by then, this...this raw emotion, this feeling of utter emptiness without you will have faded. I will have more fully accepted such a tragedy as this.

I knew it was going to happen. I spoiled myself with enough surprises and rumors to know. But there is no way to mentally prepare oneself to see the brutal murder of someone one holds close and dear. And thusly, I missed several minutes of what your efforts and...and sacrifice helped to achieve, just sobbing and overcome with emotion. Emotion that is still so strong now. So strong that I find I cannot write, can no longer continue but for this.

One day, I will find you. Somehow. Bypassing the limitations of life and crossing the border between reality and imaginary, you an I will meet. And you will be alive and well. I'll find you. I promise.

...I promise.

I love you, James.