Disclaimer: Davy Jones sailed away with the part that says Marvel own the characters from X-Men: Evolution, and any other Marvel characters. The part that says I own Raven and Lightning is floating on a piece of driftwood.
A/N: Another play begins. I hope you all have the time of your lives. I know I will. To those who haven't read my earlier parodies, Raven LeBeau is the the daughter of Remy and Rogue from my AU dimension Reality 777. She and her boyfriend Lightning come from the future and across dimensions to bring quality. . . er, funny anyways, plays to you, the readers. There are a few things you might want to know about her dimension: 1) She looks like Mystique. 2) She has a little sister named Rachel. 3) Kitty and Piotr have a child codenamed Twinkle. 4) She and Lightning have scared Scott so much in the dimension these plays take place in that he is now permanently afraid of synchronized sentences. This story is dedicated to everyone who ever asked me if I planned on doing the sequels! Which is way too many to mention here! I love all my reviewers! Hope you enjoy this one just as much! Oi, if you haven't seen Pirates 2. . . please do so before reading this chapter because it has spoilers. . .
And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present. . .
Mutants of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.
"Another play, another stupid dress. . ." Rogue groans looking at her wardrobe for the sequel. She just knows she's going to play the female lead in this one too. When does she ever not play the female lead.
Remy smiles. "It'll be fun. You'll be in t'e white dress, soaking wet. . . running into Remy's arms." He sighs. It's like Heaven to him.
She glares. "Keep dreamin', Swamp Rat. The dress is too thick ta be see-through."
She actually thinks she hears a popping noise as his day-dream bubble bursts. "A guy can dream, n'est pas?"
She rolls her eyes. "When are they gonna get here so we can get this oveh with?"
In walk two people they've never seen before. They are holding hands and smiling. "Hello, I'm Mary Jane Watson and this is Peter Parker. We'll be your directors this play." The girl is talking.
Kitty's jaw drops. "Are you, like, serious? What happened to Raven and Lightning?"
Jean looks elated, "Maybe I'll get the lead this time!" Mary Jane looks like someone who would understand her.
Gambit and Rogue eye the new directors warily.
"Zis is odd," Kurt says.
Logan growls at them, "Very funny, you two."
Raven and Lightning appear as she shifts them back to normal. Lightning is laughing uncontrollably. She watches him for a moment and then laughs a little herself.
"Alright, peoples," she announces, "We've had our fun. It's time to cast the play."
"There's a lot more people here than last time," Evan complains.
Raven nods, "You are so observant. Someone give him a cookie."
"Condescending, little. . ." Evan starts, but thinks better of it as a certain body cast comes to mind. (1)
Lightning glares. Evan backs up.
"Sweet, glorious directors, I'm so glad to see you both!" Evan says.
"Alright, let's begin," his girlfriend says happily. "Most of you should have guessed this is the sequel to the last play, so a lot of you will have the same part. Don't complain about them. Thank you. Rogue will be playing Elizabeth Swann again."
Rogue nods, she was expecting that.
"And, of course, Remy will be playing William Turner," Lightning says.
Remy places his arms around Rogue's shoulder and grins. She glares at him, but accepts his arm. She's pretty much given up defending herself against him.
Pyro is standing holding his hands together in front of him. He really wants the same part as the last play. It was fun.
Raven can hear his thoughts. "Yes, Johnny, you will play Jack Sparrow again."
"Yes!" he makes a scoring movement with his arm.
An army of squirrels marches in and completely surrounds Pyro.
Remy looks confused. "Where did all t'ese squirrels come from?"
Raven looks at him and shrugs, "CatF. She sent them to protect Pyro from you."
"Have ya read the script?" Rogue asks.
"Don't!" Rogue and Raven say at the same time. Scott goes pale and faints dead away.
"Somebody wake him up!" Raven growls. Her good mood is starting to fade.
"In the meantime," Lightning says, trying to get her mind off of Scott's fainting episode. "Logan will be Joshamee Gibbs again."
"We have new contracts?" Logan asks.
"No," Raven says.
"The old ones say you agree to do the sequels as well," Lightning informs him.
Jean wakes Scott. Raven smiles, "Scott will be James Norrington."
He nods weakly.
"Magneto," Lightning says, "You're Barbossa again."
Magneto nods, he's seen the movie, it's a small part. He's happy.
"Xavier will play Weatherby Swann," Raven announces.
Xavier sighs. There's no way out of this.
"Jean-Luc will play Bootstrap Bill," Lightning says.
"What is he doing here?" Remy growls.
"Hey!" Tabby says, "if I had to put up with my good-for-nothing father in the last play, you have to put up with your good-for-nothing father in this one!"
"You gonna let t'at fille talk about your papa t'at way, son?" Jean-Luc asks Remy.
"Truth hurts, eh Papa?" Remy smirks.
Raven raises an eyebrow, "Don't make me separate you."
"You're finding this amusing?" Lightning asks her.
"Well, I never do get to see Jean-Luc very often at home," she explains.
"Moving on," Raven announces. "Tia Dalma will be played by Ororo Munroe."
Wanda looks disappointed.
"I'm sorry," Raven says, "We wanted to give you the part, but we just couldn't."
"It's okay, I don't want it," she lies.
Lightning shakes his head, "Girls."
Raven looks at him out of the corner of her eyes, "What was that?"
"Well, I just don't understand them," Lightning says.
"You don't need to," Raven says.
"But I want to," he says.
"No, you don't." she says angrily.
"Yes, I do!" he insists.
"I could make you think you were a girl," she says flatly. "Then you'd understand them."
"Okay, next part!" Lightning says, "Pintel is Lance again!"
Raven nods, "Wise decision. Ragetti is Toad."
Lance groans, but Toad looks happy.
"Pietro," Lightning keeps reading from his clipboard, "You will be Cutler Beckett."
Pietro looks pleased. This is a rather big part.
"Mercer will be played by Bolivar Trask," Raven says.
"Bolivar Trask!" half the mutants exclaim. Scott screams.
She shrugs. "It fits."
Lightning continues, "We didn't cast Marty last time and that has turned out to be a mistake, so that part will be played by Dorian Leech."
"Piotr will keep his role as Cotton as will the IAR Parrot," Raven says.
Piotr nods from his place beside Kitty.
"Bellamy will be played by Hank, since his character doesn't return until the next movie," Lightning says.
"Alright," agrees Beast.
"Leech will be played by Samuel Guthrie," Raven says.
"Yeah!" Sam cries out. "What, at least I have more lines."
"Your character still dies. . ." Rahne tells him.
"So what, it's just a play," he says. "And I have more lines!"
Lighting decides to move on, "LeJon will be played by Blob."
Freddy grins, eating popcorn from the table. "I have a line this time."
Remy looks confused, "Has everyone read this script but me?"
"Yes," Rogue says.
"Yup," Kitty says.
"Pretty much," Johnny says.
"Greenbeard will be played by none other than the Juggernaut," Raven says lightly.
Cain, himself, is growling in a corner without his helmet, and being held still only by Raven's powers.
"Bobby, you get to be Hadras," Lightning says.
Bobby stares at him blankly.
"The one with the shell for a head," Lightning says.
Bobby groans, "and how am I going to do that?"
"Makeup, naturally," Raven says.
"Naturally," Lightning agrees.
"Mesmero will be Jimmylegs," Raven says.
"Evan will be Koleniko," Lightning says.
"And he is?" Evan asks.
"The one with the spikes on his face, of course," Raven says, rolling her yellow eyes. "Next part is Maccus which will be played by Legion."
"Legion!" Xavier says and turns his head looking for him.
"Hello, Daddy," Legion says sarcastically, waving at him. He's standing beside Gabrielle.
"Is there a reason my ex-wife is here?" Xavier asks Raven.
"Yes, dear, dear Charles," Raven says.
"Are you going to tell me what that reason is?" he asks.
"Not just yet," she says.
Lightning interrupts, "Lucid will play Oglivey."
"And Facade will play Palifico," Raven says.
"Wyvern will be played by Caliban," Lightning continues.
"The Bursar will be played by Roberto," Raven says.
"So, naturally, Ray will play the Quartermaster," Lightning says.
They nod. They were wondering if they had parts this time.
"There are two other men with speaking parts on that boat," Raven says. "They will be played by Arcade and Mr. Spears."
Evan glares at Guy Spears who smirks back at him.
"Kurt, Mastermind, and Cody will play the prisoners this time," Lightning says.
"Vhy does Mesmero get a bigger part?" Kurt asks.
"You'll find out later," Raven says. "Rahne, you will play the little girl in the beginning and also the dog again."
"Woof," Rahne says sarcastically. "What? Like you all didn't see that coming?"
"Tabby will keep her role as Scarlett," Lightning says, ignoring her.
"And Mystique will play the part of Giselle again," Raven says.
"Captain Hawkins, though he doesn't have a speaking part, will be played by Principal Kelly," Lightning says.
The group cheers. Scott shudders.
"Warren, you'll be the one who orders the prisoners around and the guy who leads Will into Beckett's office," Raven says.
Warren shrugs and stretches his wings, "At least I get some screen time. . ."
"Okay, moving on," Lightning says, "Alex will play the first guy with information about Jack in Tortuga"
"Omega Red will play the second," Raven says.
"Sabretooth will play the third," Lightning says before Logan can object to them bringing in Omega Red.
"Julien will be Sabretooth's brother," Raven says.
"The old man who signs onto Jack's crew will be Black Eagle," Lightning says.
The man without a dog will be played by Tabby's father," Raven says.
"The lame man will be played by Evan's father," Lightning continues.
Evan smiles at his dad.
"The man who wants to sail will be played by Jean's father," Raven says.
"Daddy!" Jean squeals, rushing over to hug him.
"Jean!" he hugs her back.
"How touching. . ." Raven deadpans.
"Ah was thinkin' the same thing," Rogue says.
"Oh, like you're not that bad with your father," Lightning says.
"I'm not," Raven says.
He gives her a look.
"And even if I were, it's different with my Papa," she says.
"How so?" he asks.
"My Papa's cool," she grins.
Remy grins too.
Jean glares at her. "My dad is cool too!"
"Mine's a mutant."
"My dad was the captain of the football team!" Jean argues.
"My papa can pick any lock known on earth."
Jean keeps trying, "My dad is the head of his company!"
Raven points at Gambit, "My father. . ."
Jean has nothing to say.
"I win," she says, in a much better mood.
"You were arguing with Jean Grey," Lightning groans.
"I won, didn't I?" Raven says.
"Whatever, let's get back to casting. . ." Lightning says, "The Tribesman who lights the fire will be played by Amanda's father."
"The tribesman who watches the cage fall will be played by Kitty's father," Raven says.
"Jaime will play the tribal child," Lightning flips a page in his clipboard, "Wow there are a lot of parts."
"Which is why it's so crowded," his girlfriend reminds him. "Amara will play the tribeswoman who hangs the necklace on Jack's neck."
"You can pretend she's the princess," Lightning says.
"Wanda will play the tribeswoman who catches the coconut," He returns to the casting. "Dani, you can be the girl with her."
Wanda and Danielle nod.
"The five woman in the bar in Tortuga will be played by Jean, Kitty, Jubilee, Taryn and Amanda," Raven tells them.
"The woman holding candles near the end will be played by Agatha Harkness, Destiny, X23, Amanda's Mom, Evan's Mom, Gabrielle Haller, Jean's Mom, Jean's sister, Dorian's Mom, Callisto, Cybelle, Dr. Risman, Viper, and Kitty's Mom," Lightning says, "and I think that's it."
"No, there's one part left," Raven tells him. "Davy Jones."
"Oh, yeah. . . him," Lightning sighs, "Are you sure we can't leave that part out?"
"No, I don't think we can," Raven says, shaking her head.
"But. . ."
"No buts," Raven insists. "He has an adamantium-lined contract, same as all the other cast."
"But. . . are you sure this is a wise decision?"
She glares at him. "We have an understanding. He won't try to take over the world, and I won't put him back in that box."
She shakes her head, "That only works on Wolverine and Sabretooth. We have an understanding."
"Would someone just say it and get it over with?" Logan growls.
In the room, there is suddenly an ominous feel. The lights flicker, the shadows dance. A glowing figure floats into the doorway.
"The part of Davy Jones has been given to En Sabah Nur," Raven announces.
Half of the room faints. Magneto lunges at him. Apocalypse knocks him across the room with one wave of his mighty hand.
"I. . . I think . . . maybe Lightning was right about this. . ." Scott says.
Raven turns to glare at Cyclops. "Nur and I have an understanding. Don't we, Nur?"
Apocalypse nods his head and floats down to the floor.
Lightning leans over to her, "He doesn't talk as much in this dimension."
"I've noticed," she says.
"Is he still . . ?"
"Don't talk about our dimension, Lawr, dear," she reprimands.
He shrugs. "This is gonna get messy. . ."
"Just how I like it," she grins evilly.
The other half of the room faints.
"Well, at least it's not chaos this time," Lightning says.
She nods. "Alright, I think we can go. Remember our agreement, Nur."
He nods and picks up Mesmero by the scruff of the neck, "Wake up, you fool."
Lightning and Raven are gone and then all our favorite, and not so favorite, characters are left alone with Apocalypse.
To be continued. . .
A/N: (1) Evan was beat up and put in a body cast by Raven during Mutants of the Caribbean.
Well, were you all expecting that? You should have been. I gave out two very strong hints in the last play. So many parts! Wow, why do I do it to myself? I don't know. I guess you guys deserve it. . . Besides, I found a website with a list of all their names. Not all the parts in the movie are cast, but those are very small and will be played by Random Extras! I love Random Extras. Why doesn't Forge have a part? Cause he has to run the IAR Birds and Monkeys! Woohoo! Yeah for Forge's Incredible Animatronic Robots! Sit down, sit still and get ready for a wild ride, cause this is going to be fun!