Author's Note: It's been like twenty years since I updated this! Thanks again to all who have reviewed this crappy little parody – A.J Scarlet and that random reviewer person. Yay!

Anyway, apologies for a short chappy. :(

And is it just me or does the format keep changing?


Disclaimer: LUC BESSON!


Munro: Any survivors?

Mactilburgh: No, only this box.

Munro: …And?

Tech #5: There's candy in the box! (is tittering and jabbering, salivating profusely as he jogs in place.)

Mactilburgh: Good God, child, crack is whack! Anyhoo, General, what we're dealing with here is a prime specimen…An excellent example of blah, bleh, blah-blah-bleh-b-b-blehh

Munro: Ah…

Mactilburgh: (le sigh) Species of your primitive intellect might call her a "freak of nature."

Munro: Her?! Sh –

Mactilburgh: Yes.

Munro: How?! It's a box?!

Mactilburgh: You always designate something of this magnitude as a "she" in order to show respect for –

Munro: That goes for ships, ding-a-ling!

Mactilburgh: :'(

Munro: So now what?

Mactilburgh: We stick her in this little tubey thingamajig and then we push a couple of these dohickles and pull a couple of these here pullabibbles and then…

*ding* – just like a toaster oven…the tubey thingamajig slides open to reveal GRAPHIC NUDITY!1 some pretty young la-day.

Munro: hUbbahubBBA…I, uh…I need some close-up, graphic pictures for my p – I mean, for the government. The government profile…I need them.

Girl: (is screaming unintelligibly, spitting and smashing around in her container.)


Gas filters in the tubey and she is still seething and throwing things and yeah…this kid is a spoiled brat.

Munro: How strong is that thing? (is hiding a wrench behind his back.)

Mactilburgh: Nothing short of a shark-monkey-elephantine hybrid is going to get through that glass. It's coated with three layers of quadri –

Girl: hdsiohgioa;hgoahstiowahia!11 AAAAAAHHHHGGGGGGGG!


The girl punches through the glass, grabbing Munro and wringing his scrawny little neck. He passes out and she escapes with the keys. Children, take heart, the next few moments will be the most terrifying of your life.