The Pondering of a Supposed Botanist

The Pondering of a Supposed Botanist

Author: Margarita

Email: margarita782

Category: Maria angst

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, so don't sue me. They belong to the UPN, Jason Katims, and Melinda Mertz.

Spoilers: "Cry Your Name," "Departure."

Summary: Maria thinks about Alex and what might have been.

Author's Note: Sorry if this confuses you, or makes no sense. I wrote it at around two o'clock in the morning, which can be either good or bad. Why don't you send me feedback and let me know? ;)

It's funny, I think, how you can spend your entire life not seeing anything. I mean, at least until the point in which you are forced to see the aforementioned thing because it's no longer there.

Like the tree outside my window. It's been there my entire life, or at least what I can remember of it, and I've never really taken the time to notice it. I mean, it's there, it's brown, it's a tree. Right? Right.

So maybe, on occasion, said tree invokes feelings other than your typical apathetic ones. And maybe, on those occasions, you choose to immerse yourself in denial, which is very likely one of the top five reasons for happiness on this planet. And maybe another, although I'm not sure about that. But then again, it seems to work for Max.

But back to the tree. You have feelings for the tree. It's stable. It doesn't move. It's always there. You love it – but only as a tree, right? I mean, you've never had feelings for it as anything more, right? Right?

Maybe not.

And maybe, when said tree is gone, when it's cut down by some evil, twisted, blond bitch with a chainsaw, you'll miss the tree a little bit more than you think you're supposed to. Is that normal?

But then again, your definition of normal has changed slightly, hasn't it? I mean, ever since you found out that your then "potential" and now "boyfriend" was really an alien, it changed things, didn't it? Because he was exciting and fun and an asshole, and so not like the tree which you've known your entire life and which you thought would be there for the rest of it.

Only, it's funny. You thought wrong.

And now, now, when you're beginning to see it all just a bit more clearly, it's too late. And instead of the tree outside your window, there's only a stump, without a soul and without the long branches that were always there to enfold you.

And you think that maybe you should have hugged the tree when you had a chance and said "I love you" to it and let it know that you cared.

Because now you can't.

And you think that makes it all hurt just a little bit more.