Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. You know who does; heck I don't even own the idea for this. Thanks to Alsdssg, who gave me permission to copy her Galbatorix is Lame story except as a Tamora Pierce one.
Chapter 1: Prince Jonathon
1. He slept with his squire. Who does that? He could have gotten any
othergirl, but he did it to Alanna who was so obviously in love with George.
2. He also later tried to force himself onto said squire.
3. Heâ€™s a prick. So much so, in fact, that people write "Jon is a prick"
4. He's spoiled by everyone
5. His name is Jon. Therefore if any girl ever wrote to him it would mean she
was breaking up with him. ( AN: I'm not sure if this is a happening outside
of Mormon missionaries so if you don't get the joke don't be sad)
6. His cousin was trying to kill him. I mean if that doesn't mean he's
annoying, then what does?
7. He's a hormonal teenager in the first three books.
8. He can't keep a girlfriend very long.
9. The first was trying to help kill him, and the second ended up marrying
one of his best friends.
10. He named his horse darkness, which is proof that he has some major
11. He came close to committing suicide in book one, he and would never have
survived the Black City if not for Alanna, who thinks he's a prick too.
12. The first woman he gets engaged with is a homicidal psyco maniac from the
13. He thinks everyone is desperately in love with him.
14,. He even told his girlfriend that she should be in love with him
because everyone else is.
15. He can't beat a girl in a sword fight.
16. He very much loved the traitorous cousin who tried to kill him.
17. This means he is most likely Bi.
18. His wife only married him because she thought he was pretty.
19. His wife is blind if she thinks this.
20. He's a arrogant conceited spoiled depressed prick. Did I already say
this? Well, it needs to be said a whole lot.
21. He is terrible at poetry.
22. He's worse then Neal at said poetry, and that's saying something.
23. He didn't believe his girlfriend who told him about the many times
afore-mentioned traitorous and murderous cousin was trying to kill him. I
mean, shouldn't he know by now that she's smarter than he is?
24. He's a slut - if the term can be used for a guy
25. He still wasn't completely over Alanna at the end of Lioness Rampant
despite the fact that she'd moved on to the much cooler Liam and George and
that he wanted to marry the worlds most beautiful princess.
AN: Hehehe, as you can all see I can't stand Jon. hope you all liked. Upnext is Thayet. Thank you for betaing Alsdssg. Please review and tell me what you think. if you like Eragon, read Why Galbatorix is lame by my afore mentioned beta.