A/N: Yeah. This chapter's a bit odd. Mainly because it has Riley in it. But this one is really, really odd. So just click the back button of you feel you're going to rip your hair out from massive exposure to insanity. Yeah, I did have sugar today.

BTW, Cheryl is in this chapter. Mostly I've been using Riley, but from time to time I'll slip in Cheryl and Marley. Not Miru and Buck, because I've been too lazy to actually do the Wayward Cave sidequest and Buck is just a jerk.

DISCLAIMER: I caught Heatran! -happy-


Chapter Nine:

Pastoria City: Riley VS The Mud Monster


"So!" declared Riley, slapping his hands together (and for some reason, rubbing them together mischeviously. Like, a cartoon villain or something.) "Here's the plan for today! You!" He pointed at Aki. "You shall spend the day in the Great Marsh enjoying yourself! You!" He pointed at Cheryl. "You will hi-jack that boat waaaaaaaay over there in that pond."

"Uhh... why?" asked Cheryl.

"Oh, I don't know, I just thought of the idea one night getting myself drunk off root beer," replied Riley.

"Root beer doesn't have alcohol in it..." said Cheryl slowly.

"BAH, WHO CARES?" shouted Riley. "Just go get the goods."

"What goods?" she asked. "You just asked me to hi-jack the ship."

"SHUT UP!" he shouted, kicking her into the water.

"I can't swim..." choked Cheryl, kicking furiously.

"I don't care," snarled Riley. "Anyway, while Aki does her thing and Cheryl does her thing, I'll be on a shopping spree!"

"Is it like a killing spree?" asked Aki.

"Yes, except you're killing various goods," cackled Riley, downing a huge mug of pure sugar and throwing it high into the air behind him. "Now, off you go!"

Aki walked off to the Safari Zone, Riley set off for the nearest shop, Flint's Charizard was struck by Riley's empty sugar mug and died instantly, and Marley was once again at the funeral while Cheryl drowned behind her.

Oh, and Gardenia still didn't wake up.

Riley walked up to the Poke Mart and kicked the door, hoping that kicking it would make him look cool. Unfortunately, the Poke Mart used an automatic slide-open door, thus causing the idiot with the pwnsome hat to jam his toe on it. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed the door and tried to slam it behind him, but it wouldn't budge, and so he ended up getting his cape caught in the doorway. He stood there helplessly until some random person opened the door.

Feeling very irritated, Riley stomped up the counter and slammed down his hand on it.

"Hello, and welcome to the Poke Mart! How may we help you today?" asked the clerk cheerfully.

"I'M NOT MENTAL!" shouted Riley.

"We hope to see you again!" said the clerk.

"Whatever..." muttered Riley, realizing he'd be wasting his time executing the well thought out plan of knocking out everyone in the store with super ninja skills, setting off a smoke bomb, and taking all the loot to sell in some other town. He could just slip behind the counter, take everything, and sell it back. He was about to do so when something caught his eye.

"Woah..." he said, his eyes transfixed on a wooden Croagunk statue.

He stood there for a few moments, snatched the statue, and fled.

Meanwhile, in the Safari Zone, Aki was not having much fun.

A wild Marill appeared.

Aki ran away.

A wild Quagsire appeared.

Aki ran away.

A wild Bidoof appeared.

Aki threw mud at it, then ran away.

Frustrated, Aki spotted a nearby Bibarel. Grinning evilly, she walked over to it.

"Doof!" called the Bidoof happily.

Aki threw mud at it.

"Biiiii, Bidoof Bidoof Bi!" shouted Bidoof angrily.

Aki threw more mud at it.

"Bi, Bidoof, Doof!" shouted Bidoof.

Aki threw more mud at it. She only just realized that the mud she was throwing had a faint impression of a PokeBall on it.

This went on for about half an hour, Aki constantly throwing mud at the Pokemon, Bidoof's anger slowly elating. Finally, after being hit by mud about thirty times, it fled.

"DING-DONG!" shouted a voice. "YOUR TIME IS UP!"

Aki walked back inside to the reception area.

"DID YOU CATCH YOUR FAIR SHARE?! PLEASE COME BACK AGAIN!" shouted the receptionist.

"Why are you talking so loudly?" asked Aki, holding her hands over her ears.

Back to Riley. Riley was walking away with his new friend. "I'll call you Croaky," he said, stroking the statue. He winced. "Ow!" he shouted. "Bad Croaky! No splinters!" He smacked the statue, and earned himself another splinter.

He swore loudly, then walked to the Safari Zone, eager to show Aki his new Pokemon. When he arrived, however...

"OH MY GOD A FREAKING MUD MONSTER!" he shouted, pointing at a mud covered Aki. He threw Croaky at her. "GET IT, CROAKY!" he urged. "KILL THE MUD MONSTER!" He ran out of the room, barricading himself in the Pokemon Gym.

Crasher Wake stared at him. "Why hello, little child!" he said. Riley threw him into the water and ran out.

"THAT SHOULD TEACH YOU, STRIPPER!" he shouted, waving a fist madly. Cheryl appeared, apparently not dead, and Riley grabbed her. "Cheryl, we're gonna be attacked by a mud monster," he said. "Get a weapon of some sort and beat the living daylights out of it!" He ran off, tripping on Charizard's corpse.

Cheryl shrugged and grabbed a fishing rod. "Where is it?" she asked.

Riley pointed at the Safari Zone reception center. Cheryl crept up there, waited, and then, when the "mud monster" came out, Cheryl whacked her mercilessly over the head, causing the rod to snap. Riley shouted loudly and threw the monster into the water in his panic.

And revealed Aki, not looking at all amused.

A pause. "I should start running now, shouldn't I?" asked Riley.

"Yes, you should," growled Aki.

Cheryl shrugged and ate a sandwich while Riley was completely and utterly obliterated.

END


A/N: This chapter is waaaaaaaay too stupid, but you have to admit most of this is slightly accurate. There is a Croagunk statue in the Mart (though I don't think you can adopt it) and the whole "throwing mud at Bibarel" thing is a true story. Wake is a bit of a stripper- I mean, he never wears a shirt- but not really enough to back up Riley throwing him into water. Geez, he's really got to stop that. Like I've got to stop eating sugar. I don't drink coffee yet, but when I do, be afraid. Be very afraid.

...Oh, yeah, office products falling from the sky is a sign that I am drinking coffee, so you may want to carry around an umbrella. Not that it helps any. Parasols are better. Kirby's is, anyway. HE CAN BEAT UP TREES WITH IT.