Disclaimer: I don't own and I'm not making any money off of this story, I'm just playing with the characters for my own twisted sense of fun.

Author's notes: Well, all I can say is that this story is the fault of my muse and my own perverse sense of humor. This story is set shortly after the movie and after Sam and Bumblebee return to Sam's home. For fair warning, there will be spoilers, so if you haven't seen the movie, please go do that first otherwise I'm going to ruin a major part of the movie for you. Rating is for language use. Enjoy and please leave a review when you're done.

"Good morning, Sam," Bumblebee greets as Sam opens the driver's side door.

"Morning, Bee," Sam happily replies while he tosses his backpack into the passenger seat before sliding behind the steering wheel. "Anything exciting happening in the world today?"

"The police are still trying to find the people behind the rash of carjackings that have been happening," Bumblebee tells him.

"I hope they nail those jerks," Sam grumbles while he gets his seatbelt on.

"Anything special planned for today?" Bumblebee asks as he starts his engine.

"Nothing much," Sam answers while he settles back and puts his hand on the steering wheel to make it look like he's driving. "Mikaela and I are planning on having a study date after school today."

"If you two continue to have these 'study dates', you're both going to fail your classes," Bumblebee teases as he takes control and eases them out of the driveway.

"Hey! We study," Sam protests.

"Between the kissing sessions, yes," Bumblebee chuckles. "Ratchet's right, you do want to mate with her."

"Well, look at her," Sam replies. "What guy wouldn't?"

"Is that why you desire her?" Bumblebee questions. "Because she is attractive to you?"

"No, well, yeah, but she's also smart and funny and she doesn't freak out even though she knows that my car is really an alien robot," Sam responds with a smile.

"Fair enough," Bumblebee chuckles as he turns down a side street on the way to Sam's school.

"Hey, let Optimus know that the feds called again," Sam says after a few moments of silence. "They still want Jazz's remains."

"They can't have him," Bumblebee growls, his engine revving in anger.

"Yeah, I told them they could stuff it," Sam tells him. "They threatened to come and get him and I told them that they'll have to get through you guys to do it and that's if they can find Optimus and the others."

"What did they say to that?" Bumblebee inquires.

"They made a few empty threats and then hung up," Sam replies with a shrug.

"Good," Bumblebee grumbles.

"Does Ratchet really think he can fix Jazz?" Sam quietly asks a few silent moments later.

"He's not sure, but he's willing to try," Bumblebee softly admits while he slows for a stop sign. "Right now, he is the only hope we have for Jazz."

"Well, I wish him luck," Sam says as they come to a full stop.

"You're going to need more than luck, geek boy," an unfamiliar voice says mockingly.

Bewildered, Sam looks to his left where the voice came from and ends up staring down the barrel of a gun. He can immediately feel his heart rate skyrocket as the adrenaline starts to course through his veins and his eyes become as wide as saucers. He can feel himself trembling and it takes him a few seconds to realize that it's Bumblebee that's vibrating so hard, not him.

"What do you want?" Sam asks as he raises his hands in the air, unable to take his eyes off of the gun in his face.

"Just this sweet ride of yours," the man replies while he reaches for the door handle. "Get out!"

"You don't really want to do this," Sam states as he tries to moisten his dry mouth.

"Ya hear that, Jackie," the man laughs to someone on the other side of the car. "He says I don't want to take away his toy."

"Don't worry, geek boy," Jackie says as he leans through the passenger window to get a better look at Sam. "Mommy and Daddy'll buy you a new ride. Of course, we'll probably steal that one too, especially if it's as nice as this one."

"No, seriously, you don't want to take this particular car," Sam insists.

"Yeah, I know, the car's real special to you," the man mocks as he tries to open the driver's door and then reaches in through the open window to hit the unlock button. "So special that you even talk to it. What a looser. Now get the fuck out!"

"Ok! Ok!" Sam says while he reaches for his backpack. "Let me just get my books."

Sam only gets a few inches before Jackie grabs the bag and drags it out the side window, throwing it to the ground behind him. Sam opens his mouth to protest, but the guy with the gun opens his door and starts trying to drag him out of Bumblebee and Sam just manages to get the seatbelt unfastened before he's pulled free of the Autobot. Before he knows it, he's unceremoniously dumped in the street as the man and Jackie get into Bumblebee and Sam barely rolls away as they burn rubber getting out of there.

"HEY!" Sam yells in protest as they disappear around a corner. "I HOPE BUMBLEBEE TAKES REAL GOOD CARE OF YOU!"

"Oh my god, are you alright?" a woman asks as she comes running up to Sam. "I saw the whole thing. I live right down the street if you want to use my phone to call the police."

"No, that's ok, thanks," Sam replies as he gets up onto his feet while the woman tries to help him.

"Are you sure?" she inquires as her dog starts to sniff Sam's crotch. "Goldie, stop that!"

"Yeah, I'm sure," he assures her as he dusts himself off while she pulls the Golden Retriever back.

"It'll be no trouble at all," she insists while he goes to pick up his backpack.

"No, really, it's ok," he responds as he slings the bag over his shoulder. "I've got a cell. I need to get to school."

"Do you want a ride?" she questions while she starts to follow him down the street.

"No, I'm fine," he tells her. "It's just a couple of blocks from here."

"Well, if the police need a witness my name's Sarah Williams and I live at 6137," she calls as he starts to jog down the street.

"Ok, thanks!" he calls back with a wave.

Sarah watches him for a minute and then heads home, not exactly sure why the kid wasn't more upset about losing his parent's car.

Sam makes it to school a few minutes later, a bit out of breath and not sure if he should be pissed as hell or laughing his head off. He trots up the front steps of the school and heads for his locker, his body on automatic pilot since his brain is elsewhere. It's not until he's standing in front of his open locker that he finally becomes aware of his surroundings and Mikaela standing right next to him.

"Hey," he greets.

"Hey yourself," she replies a bit irritably. "Why didn't you drive this morning?"

"I did," he tells her as he pulls out the needed books for his next couple of classes. "I got carjacked on the way here."

"Someone stole Bumblebee!?" she asks in a surprised, hushed voice several seconds later after the news has had a chance to sink in.

"Yeah," he confirms as a snicker escapes his lips.

They look at each other and then both burst out laughing. They laugh so hard that they have to lean against the bank of lockers to stay upright until they're gasping for air and the other students give them strange looks while giving plenty of room. It's not until the bell rings that they're able to pulls themselves together enough to head for their first class, snickering the entire way.

"Man, this is a nice ride, Mac," Jackie says as he rubs his hands across the dashboard. "Do we really have to turn this one in?"

"Yes, we have to turn this in," Mac replies irritably as he stops for a light and nervously checks the mirrors for any cop cars. "You ask that every time we pick up a new car for the shop."

"Yeah I know, but this one's really nice," Jackie responds. "It'll be a shame to let them chop it up."

The car suddenly shudders underneath them and both of the men nervously look at the hood and the hidden engine underneath.

"It ain't that nice," Mac grumbles. "Stupid American piece of shit. Knew we should have taken that Beamer."

The car shudders even harder just as the light turns green and Mac gives it gas, calmly proceeding through the intersection.

"Hell, we'll be lucky to make it to the shop before this thing shakes itself apart," Mac gripes while they drive down the street at speed limit.

"Maybe it just needs a tune up," Jackie suggests.

"Maybe you just need to shut up," Mac snaps as he makes a turn down a nearly deserted street that leads to an industrial area of the city. "We're almost there and then we can get rid of this piece of shit."

"Too bad," Jackie sighs. "I like the look of this one."

"Looks don't mean crap if what's under the hood isn't worth a hill of shit," Mac shoots back.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Jackie replies as he watches the warehouses and maintenance yards go rolling by.

They drive on in silence for a while and a few minutes later, Mac is pulling up to a closed gate that says 'Keep Out'. The large warehouse behind the chain link fence appears to be abandoned with it's boarded up windows, but a quick scan of the area and Bumblebee knows that this is where the carjacked cars have been taken.

"Ok, I'll call to let them know we're here while you open the gate," Mac instructs while he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Yeah, sure," Jackie agrees as he reaches for the door handle. "It would help if you unlocked the door."

"I did," Mac snaps as he goes to push the unlock button again only for the locks to do nothing. "What a piece of shit! Climb out the window."

Before Jackie can move, the windows silently power shut and Jackie turns to his partner.

"Why the hell did you tell me to climb out the window and then shut the windows?" Jackie demands.

"I didn't touch the window controls," Mac shoots back. "The stupid thing probably has a short in it somewhere."

"Well, how the hell are we supposed to get out if the windows are up and the doors are locked?" Jackie asks.

"I'll just call the guys and have them open the doors and the gate and then someone can use a slim jim to unlock the doors," Mac assures him as he opens up his phone. "If worse comes to worse, we can break a window."

Suddenly, the gear shift moves itself into reverse a second before the gas pedal hits the floor, launching the car backwards and slamming Mac into the steering wheel and Jackie into the dashboard. Before either man can react, the car spins itself around and takes off down the street at breakneck speeds, engine roaring as it goes.

"What the fuck is going on!?" Jackie yells. "What the hell are you doing!?"

"I'm not doing anything!" Mac shouts back as he wrestles with the steering wheel and is desperately stepping on the brake. "The damn thing is doing it on its own!"

"You expect me to believe that pile of shit!" Jackie shrieks as they skid around a corner, nearly going up on two wheels. "Holy shit!"

"Believe whatever the fuck you want, but it's the fucking truth!" Mac screams back as he takes his hands off of the wheel and his feet away from the pedals to show that he's not controlling the car.

"Oh fuck, we stole a haunted car!" Jackie squeaks and Mac rolls his eyes.

"We didn't steal no fucking haunted car!" Mac snaps and quickly grabs hold of the door handle as they take another turn at high speed.

"Then how the hell do you explain it!?" Jackie demands as they narrowly miss hitting a big rig cab with blue and red flames painted on it.

"I don't know, but there's got to be a perfectly logical reason for it!" Mac yells and a second later the sound of someone chuckling fills the cabin of the car.

"Please tell me that was you," Jackie whimpers. "Please tell me to fucking God that was you."

"That wasn't me," Mac barely whispers.

"I don't care if it wasn't you; just tell me it was you!" Jackie squeaks. "Because if it wasn't you that means it was the fucking car!"

"OK THAN IT WAS ME!" Mac yells at the top of his lungs.

A second later both men are screaming as they nearly have a head on collision with a giant, full sized black pickup truck. They barely manage to avoid hitting the larger vehicle by mere inches as they go careening down a very busy avenue through the middle of town. Then Mac looks in the rearview mirror and turns white as sheet.

"Oh fuck," he whispers.

"What!?" Jackie demands while he wonders if he can get his seatbelt on before they get into an accident.

"You remember the big rig and the truck that we nearly hit?" Mac asks, trying to maintain bladder control.

"Yeah?" Jackie replies.

"They're following us," Mac says in a strained voice.

"Great, we're either going to be killed by this psycho car or be victims of road rage," Jackie moans.

"I don't think so," Mac whimpers.

"Why not?" Jackie asks.

"Because there's no one driving either one of them," Mac squeaks and Jackie twists around in his seat to look out the back window.

"Oh fuck."

"Bumblebee, what is going on?" Optimus Prime asks in a silent communication that the humans nor their machines can detect.

"Remember those carjackings we've been hearing about, sir?" Bumblebee questions.

"Yes," Prime responds.

"Well, I've got a couple of the carjackers with me right now," Bumblebee tells him.

"How did you get them?" Prime inquires.

"They 'stole' me as I was taking Sam to school this morning," Bumblebee grumbles.

"Is Sam alright?" Prime asks in concern.

"He's probably a bit bruised, but he seemed relatively unharmed when I left him," Bumblebee answers.

"That's good," Prime says. "What do you plan to do with these men?"

"They took me to the place they've been taking the stolen cars so I thought I'd drive around town and get as many cops as I can to chase me before leading them back there," Bumblebee states.

"Do you need our help?" Prime inquires.

"No, I think I've got it covered, sir," Bumblebee replies.

"Very well," Prime responds. "If anything changes, call us."

"Yes, sir," Bumblebee says as he takes another turn at high speed and Optimus Prime and Ironhide continue on at a more sedate pace.

The bell rings for the lunch break several hours later and Sam and Mikaela meet up at her locker.

"So, do you think Bumblebee's ok?" she quietly asks while she shuts her locker door and they head outside to eat lunch.

"Yeah, I'm sure he's fine," he assures her as they reach the front doors of the school.

"I hope so," she says worriedly. "I'm just worried that they might have figured out how to capture him like those Sector Seven guys did."

They step outside and they can immediately hear police sirens wailing nearby and getting closer. They stop at the top of the stairs and stare down the street towards the sound just like the rest of the students and faculty that are outside. A few seconds later a bright yellow Camaro with a couple of black racing stripes goes speeding by doing a side wheelie, honking all the way. A moment later the Camero drops back down to all four wheels and takes off with at least a half dozen cop cars in hot pursuit.

"Show off," Sam mutters so only Mikaela can hear him and she snickers in response.

After making sure Sam is ok, Bumblebee speeds through town a bit more until he's fairly sure he's got most of the police force following and then he decides it's time to end this. He knows he'll need to get back to Sam before school is out and besides, he's worried that one of the two men might lubricate the inside of him with their own bodily fluids. He makes the turn down the nearly deserted street towards the industrial area and speeds down the road with the police sirens breaking the relative quite of the area.

A short time later, he skids into a turn and then floors it, busting through the chain link gate and a second later smashing the cargo bay doors into a million pieces. He comes to a screeching halt as people dive and run out of his way and then flings his doors open. The men immediately fall out of him and the one called Mac immediately starts to lose his breakfast as a suspicious stain starts to spread through the crotch of his pants while Jackie curls into a ball as he whimpers and cries for his mother.

A second later, cop cars are filling up the area and cops are flying out of their cars with guns drawn. There's a few of the carjackers that try to put up a fight as they draw their guns but quickly find themselves pinned between a wall and a half stripped Mercedes that Bumblebee pushes towards them. Several more make a break for it with police in hot pursuit, but the ones that get away soon come running back screaming something about giant robots with cannons and swords threatening them.

Bumblebee calmly lets a policeman move him out of the way so that they can get to the people he's pinned to the wall. He quietly observes as both men and women are arrested and put into a special van and chuckles to himself when he sees several cops drawing straws to see who has to arrest Mac. When he hears one of the officers talking about having him tagged for evidence he knows it's time to get out of there.

"Hey, Sarge, where's that Camaro you wanted me to tag?" an officer calls as he looks around for the distinctive car.

"It's over there," Sarge yells back, pointing to where Bumblebee had last been seen and frowns at the police car that he sees. "It's probably behind that cruiser. Hurry it up, will ya?"

"Yes, sir," the officer replies as he goes around the cop car only to find no other cars waiting there.

While the confused police officer goes to find who moved the Camero and where, a lone police cruiser quietly makes its way out of the area, leaving at a very sedate pace. A few streets over, the cop car is blocked by a big, black truck, a search and rescue Hummer and a big rig cab with red and blue flames painted on it. The cop car stops and a second later becomes a yellow Camaro once more.

"Thank you for your help, sir," Bumblebee says.

"We couldn't let you have all the fun," Ironhide chuckles.

"Did they get them all?" Prime asks.

"I'm not sure," Bumblebee answers. "But I did hear one of the officers say that they've definitely have closed down this particular ring of carjackers."

"Remind me again why we protect these creatures," Ironhide grumbles.

"Do not judge the actions of a few on the whole species, Ironhide," Prime says to his weapons master before turning his attention back to the smallest of his group. "Sam will be getting out soon. You should get going."

"Yes, sir," Bumblebee replies. "By the way, Sam said the feds called and that they still want Jazz. Sam told them 'no' and he wishes Ratchet luck fixing him."

"Tell him thank you," Ratchet replies as he starts to roll away. "It's time I got back to working on him."

"We are still searching for a more suitable hiding place," Prime states while he too starts to move. "We will let you know when we find something."

"Yes, sir," Bumblebee replies as he starts head out.

With that, Bumblebee leaves his own kind behind to make sure he's there for the human he was assigned to protect.

"Tonight's top story is the breaking up of the carjacking ring that has been plaguing the city for the past several months. Officials say that a pair of carjackers stole a yellow Camaro this morning and as this startling video shows, they then went on a wild racing tour of the city before crashing through the front doors of the chop shop with police in hot pursuit. Official aren't sure why these men did this, but the DA is looking at charging them with fewer crimes than their cohorts since without their help the police may have never have found their hideout. However, it will have to wait until they are released from the hospital as they were both quite incoherent by the end of the chase. In other news..."

Sam clicks off the TV and turns to look out his window where a large robotic head with glowing blue eyes gazes back at him. The boy chuckles to himself as he shakes his head and then reaches over to turn off his light.

"If my parents ever found out that was you…," Sam starts.

"They would freak?" Bumblebee suggests.

"To say the least," Sam snickers as he lies back on his bed and closes his eyes. "Good night, Bumblebee."

"Good night, Sam," Bumblebee replies and then turns to carefully make his way back to the driveway, making sure to step along the path and not on the lawn.