A/N: CHANGE OF PLANS! I can write Saturday and Sunday, but come Monday I leave FOR DUR BEACH. And, I'm staying at a hotel! W00T! I'm not sure if I'll get Internet there, but if I don't update by Tuesday, then... well, that's not good.

Thanks to EvilDux for letting me use Matsuda and Wada.

DISCLAIMER: I lost the lawsuit. Curses. Good thing, I didn't get arrested. Curse you, Phoenix Wright. If he'd been on time like he was supposed to be... maybe I'll just tell him to come an hour early next time. He'll chose that opportunity to be on time. The jerk.


Chapter Five: Rivalry


The group arrived back at Chiyo's house, which had been burned down to the ground, a huge crater surrounding it. The others were at a loss for words, while Osaka just stared vacantly into space.

"Sooooo..." muttered Kagura. "Nice place you got here." She kicked the crater into shape, forming what passed for a chair. She sat down and fell back. "Ow!" she shouted. "I'd normally say we go to my place, but since I'm homeless..."

"Uh... let's go to my house?" suggested Saria slowly.

The others nodded without a word, except Osaka, who was ranting on and on about pigtail laser guns.

The house they arrived in was in the shape of a little white hut, fires burning around it. "I really have no clue why I bought this house, of all houses," said Saria. "I mean, look at it! There are freaking FIRES on the outside! Why, oh, why, did I put my front lawn on fire! WHY, GOD, WHY!"

"Izzat so?" asked Osaka, not paying attention at all.

Anyway, all ranting aside, Saria opened the door. "Yo!" she shouted. "We're home!" She flicked the light switch, and recoiled in fear as a Torchic and Weavile came into sight, both in the same frightning yet traumatizing pose. A Vibrava behind them had a rather bored looking glance in her eyes, reading a brochure and not really caring.

"Hey!" shouted Torchic. "What took you so long?"

"Oh, shut up, Aki," snarled Saria, bopping her in the head.

"Ow!" shouted the Torchic, backing off.

"And who are these people?" snapped Saria, setting down the Toolbox.

"I," declared the Weavile. "Am Matsuda the Great! Also known as the Elder One, the One Weavile to Rule Them All, the Dark Lord, the Sith Lord, the- Hey what are you- Owwie!"

The Vibrava had gotten up and had been spending the last few moments sticking the other Pokemon's tongue into an electrical socket. "Bastard!" shouted Matsuda. "I'll kill ya!" The Vibrava flew to the top of the room. "Curses!" screamed the Weavile, trying again and again to seize her prey with her claws.

"Who are you, then?" asked Saria, gesturing towards the Vibrava.

"Wait!" shouted Kagura. "I know this one! It's, uh... it starts... it starts with... uh... I give up."

"I'm Wada!" shouted the Vibrava from the top of the room. "Matsuda! No! Vibrava does NOT taste good!"

"SHUT UP!" Matsuda screamed back. "You're just upset because you're still scared of that sturgeon!"

"Hey, who was the one who thought that sturgeon was a freaking pleselosaur!" came Wada's scream.

"You!" declared Matsuda.

"BAKA!" shouted Wada, tackling the Weavile. The other Pokemon attacked back with a Slash attack, then Wada hit her with Dragonbreath, then Matsuda used Ice Shard, and then Wada banged a ruler onto her head, and so forth.

Aki, meanwhile, had been recording the whole thing on a video camera. "W00T!" she shouted, pumping a fist. "We're gonna be so rich! What you gonna do with your money, Sar-sama?"

It took a good hour or so for the two to calm down (and for Aki to get enough footage to send into Funniest Home Videos every day for a year), Matsuda still grinning with a crazed look on her face, Wada holding an electrical plug threatningly.

"Anyway," said Saria. "Guys, this is Chiyo, Sakaki, Kagura, and... Osaka?" Osaka wasn't there. "Aw crap!" she shouted. "Where'd she-"

"Hi!" called Osaka from the doorway.

"Osaka-san, where were you?" asked Chiyo.

"Shopping," she responded, packing away a small cardboard box.

"And that is...?"

"Secret," responded Osaka. "Top secret. Hey, did you know that no piece of paper can be folded more then seven times?"

"Oh, dear lord, not you..." muttered Matsuda tiredly.

"Oh really?" asked Kagura.

"Yeah really," said Osaka.

"No way!" she shouted.

"Yeah way," said Osaka, nodding.

"Seriously?" asked Kagura.

"See for yourself," said Osaka, chucking a piece of paper at her.

Kagura began to fold it, and fold it, and fold it, and after about seven folds she began getting really irritated. "Ugh... Urk..." she muttered. "HI-YAH!" She drove a hand through it in a Karate Chop, causing the folded-up paper to explode into little white shreds.

"Confetti?" muttered Matsuda. "This... this means WAR!" She tackled Wada, who flinched in surprise, then bit her. "Cheater!" shouted Matsuda. "I DECLARE A SLAP WAR!" She slapped Wada, who slapped her back with a flimsy leg.

Aki was sweatdropping. "So, anyway, if you all are looking for jobs..."

There was a silence filled with only the sounds of a certain duo slapping one another. "TO THE POST OFFICE!" declared Saria, Aki and Kagura in unison.

"To the post office..." echoed Osaka.


"Please!" begged the Jumpluff. "All my friend needs is a gust of wind!"

The Shiftry in front of it scowled. "Izzat so?" he asked. "...What if I don't wanna?"

"YOU HAVE TO, FOOL," spat Jumpluff.

"What, is it, like, the law, or something?" asked Shiftry.

"Sure, why not?" asked Alakazam, floating up behind them.

"Because... because... because you're a STUPID HEAD!" shouted Shiftry.

Alakazam began tearing up. "No..." he begged. "Anything but... that..."

"Then it's settled," said Shiftry. "We must rescue Jumpluff's friend!" The pair of Nuzleaf behind him looked a little confused, but they nodded and ran off after their leader.

"Calm down, Alazkazam, come on..." muttered a Charizard soothingly, escorting him out of the way. A Tyranitar was with them, also escorting their leader. Alakazam looked up, noticed Kagura, and began attacking both Charizard and Tyranitar with "Mad Kung Fu Action".

"What the hell?!" shouted Charizard, dropping Alakazam's leg. Tyranitar mirrored his actions, backing away as fast as possible.

"LUCARIO!" shouted Alakazam, running up to Kagura. He pulled on a T-shirt with a Lucario printed onto it. "LIKE OMFG I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! I'm so happy to meet you at laaaaaaaaaast..."

He was like a rabid fan girl or something, seizing Kagura's leg, allowing her to drag him along. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god..."

If you didn't realize it by now, a majority of the group was sweatdropping. "Oh dear," muttered Sakaki, while Kagura lay there helplessly in Alakazam's grip.


A/N: Oh dear. You notice after beating the game that when you talk to Alakazam he tells you about the greatest rescue hero of all, right? Lucario? Well, Kagura's a Lucario, soooooo... -evil laugh- Anyway, next update's probably... oh, maybe after Tuesday? Kay?